Calamity Clarisse
by Clichesbullet
Summary: Clarisse believes liking people is a hard task; people that like Clarisse all agree that liking her is at least three times harder. – A detailed description of Clarisse's lack of social skills and its violent consequences to everyone,well, mostly Chris.
1. Prologue

**A Brief Author's Note:**

_This fic is set between BotL and TLO, maybe some time before "The Bronze Dragon" tale and it won't follow an exact chronological line. As point of views change, so will the narrative and the point where the story is, as I'm not very brilliant, the story probably won't get complicated. There will however be a lot of flashbacks as some of the characters try to explain how they got to certain points. I usually don't divide chapters by putting "Jane Doe's POV" or something like that; you can guess who it is easily enough by reading the author's notes, chapter tittles and musical quotes._

_Clarisse's Chapters will usually have hair metal and punk music quotes before they start._

_Silena's Chapters will always have sappy pop, country and whatever sort of romantic music quotes before they start._

_Chris' Chapters will have alternative rock or humorous quotes before their start. Except for the prologue which has no quotes at all._

_That been said; try to enjoy my attempts at writing a good story._

_Also, this fic has its__title based on the classical Doris Day musical "Calamity Jane", in which a rude, no-good, tomboy Jesse James has to share her house with a chorus girl and they end up becoming great friends and finding love (in a very non-lesbianic way, might I add)._

**Calamity Clarisse**

**Prologue:**_A Daughter of Aphrodite Hands Me Her Modern Guide to Love and Romance_

I guess most people would think "Hey, that boy just spent the last year or so stuck to a bed and all; feeling depressed and out of his mind, having delusions and crying for help; he must be thrilled to get a second chance to enjoy life! I bet he's trying to live his life to the fullest, making every second worth it, blah blah blah _carpe diem_, blah blah blah…", right? The truth, however, can be quite disappointing.

Thing is, I have this theory I was some sort of extra lazy drakon in a past incarnation, you know, cause I happen to be this awfully tall person who hates the summer heat and its never ending sunlight burning through my eyes even when I'm trying to take a good afternoon nap; plus I tend to become extra dangerous to anyone who tries to wake me up even though I'm aware of how awkward it might look to anyone who finds me laying on the floor since I'm known to stretch my arms and legs as far as I can very shamelessly (which, I admit, isn't much of a drakon-ish thing to do since they don't have, like, limbs and stuff).

You know how some people are always saying: "Don't be ashamed! Just dance like there's nobody else in the club; just forget there's a crowd watching and sing your soul out, have fun with it!"? Well, I _sleep_ like no one's watching! And, believe me, I don't even need to feel sleepy at all, I can simply say "time for a nap!"; lay down and _bada bing, bada boom_: comatose!

So, since I got back from the not so dead, I've been mostly napping in the strawberry fields (you see, much like a drakon as well, I chose unorthodox, humid, dark places to hide when in need to hibernate). So, unless Beckendorf and Annabeth Chase request my presence in the Mess Hall to discuss the maps and architecture to the "Princess Andromeda" (they're already planning attacks and turns out it's quite handy to have a former traitor nearby to give some insight on the bad guys) or I manage to find Clarisse in a moment when she's not busy with training her cabin (which, funnily enough, seems to be happening more and more scarcely), I just hide in the strawberry fields and nap 'till one of the Demeter kids trips on me, waking me up (which is generally followed by violent acts from my half asleep self and the Demeter kid running for their life).

So the facts are; I'm pretty much doing the same things I did before I went through all that life-threatening stuff a couple of years ago. Actually, just the other day, Katie Gardner tripped on me and I instantly flinched and assumed fetal position. Katie's pretty short and petit but the few times she had been the one to discover me in the fields had caused me a whole lot of pain; unlike most Demeter kids, Katie wasn't scared of finding me, she actually seemed to enjoy coming up with punishments to my laziness and disrespect of sacred land (I'm telling you, for Demeter kids, all you need is soil, animal poop and a few plants and the whole place becomes a freaking temple or something); she once used a taser on me, no kidding. All in all, I'd say she's not very fond of our cabin.

Anyway, just the other day, Katie tripped on me and before I could beg for mercy, I looked at her face and she was like crying and stuff. Maybe it's 'cause being in the labyrinth made me all grown-up and stuff or maybe it was just condensed guilt for causing trouble to so many people but I immediately felt very, very bad:

"Oh, Katie, I…I'm sorry!" I wasn't quite sure what I was apologizing for but if life had taught me anything it was that when Katie Gardener got mad enough to cry, it didn't matter whether you knew what you had done or not, you better say you're sorry before she _makes you_ feel sorry. "I…I'll just stand up and leave, ok? There's no need to cry." I started standing but she just shook her head and said:

"No, Chris, stay." I flinched again; she was so gonna step on me or kick dirt on my mouth. However, she just kneeled down next to me and hugged me. "I'm so happy you're back, you know? I'm sorry I've done such awful things to you in the past." A mature person would say: "Oh, Katie, please, don't say such silly things! I'm the one who made all of the mistakes; I'm sorry to have caused you trouble, to have betrayed camp and to be an overall awful sort of unpleasant, gigantic person", _I_, on the other hand, said something like:

"Does that mean I can sleep here whenever I want from now on?"

"Of course not! Get out of the fields; you're crushing all the crowns!" And she slapped me out of the field which was quite annoying 'cause I had to wait for more than an hour before she left and I could sneak back in.

I didn't get much sleep after that though. I tried really hard of course, but after about ten minutes I felt something poking me on the back. I didn't move hoping that, whoever it was, would think I had died or something (it totally works with dryads; it's amazing) but the person wouldn't give up:

"Wake up!" Said a female voice. It wasn't exactly familiar; I recognized it but it also sounded a little unreal like the voices you hear in dreams. Putting two and two together, I had my answer: dreamy voice, pointy thing poking in my back were probably heels… daughter of Aphrodite, of course! Who else would wear heels in a strawberry field? I turned around even though I already knew who it was; I recognized her voice and, honestly, no Aphrodite girls talked to_me_ (Aphrodite boys, on the other hand, were quite friendly; always waving and batting their eyelashes at me. A bit awkward, if you ask), so the only possibility was their counselor, Silena Beauregard who _had_ to talk to everyone.

"Silena?" I grunted. At first I thought she was going to yell at me something like "I hope you wash your hair before getting anywhere near the insides of your cabin!" because that's just like her but instead she threw books at me.

Large, _heavy_books; four of them.

"What the Hades!" I yelled and she just sighed impatiently and pointed her index finger to my face as if accusing me:

"You like Clarisse La Rue!" What do you say to this sort of statement?

"You like Charles Beckendorf!" Yeah, take that, Beauregard, payback is a bitch. Silena rolled her eyes at me:

"Well, duh!" She shrugged. " Now, listen, Chris…" Let me just reinforce here the fact that I had _never_ talked to Silena Beauregard before, aside from the times she yelled at our entire cabin for not caring at all for organization, hygiene and all that stuff and now I have to have my nap violated, books thrown at me and listen to some nonsense rant from her. Still, she's quite hot, so I wasn't going to be rude or anything. I just sat there and listened.

"We both know Clarisse is avoiding you, right?" Was she? I mean, I'm a guy, I don't really get things; Silena just went on and on about how Clarisse was, why Clarisse did this and that…Did Silena even know Clarisse at all? What sort of twisted reality was this I had been thrown into after regaining my sanity?

"She's _avoiding_ me?"

"Shut up and listen!"

"Ok." Look, I don't argue with pretty women; it's a rule.

"It has to come from you, you know? I've recently came to realize there's no changing to that stubborn girl!" Yup, found this out ages ago, I actually own a shirt that says the exact same thing. "So it has to come from you."

"Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute; _what_has to come from me?" She looked, if possible, even more impatient; she started tapping her Christian Louboutin at me, making a thousand little clouds of earth .Yes, I'm aware that was quite a gay thing to say but as an Hermes' son, I'm good with naming what's expensive and what's not. Thief thing, you know?

"Isn't it obvious, Chris?" I didn't want to sound stupid so I said something extra clever:

"Uuuh…"

"Ugh!" She stamped her foot at once and I coughed with all the dust that got into my mouth. "Just read these! Do your part: research!" She pointed to the four books she threw at me. They weren't even in Greek, by the way.

"What are these?" Silena's expression changed at once; her eyes sparkled and her smile came through shinning like a thousand suns and I got a little dazzled for a second.

"_These…"_She said bending over to grab one of the books and caress it as if it was a cute puppy. "Are the modern teenager guide to love perfection."

"Hm, sure." Psycho!

"I mean it, Chris! Usually, I wouldn't bother enough to lend these books but I really took as my mission to help the two of you after what I saw the last few months." I felt my ears burning a little; Silena's smile became a kinder one as she kneeled next to me. Coming to think of it, for her to even get her shoes dirty like that, it was already of the nicest things I had seen her do. "I know it's tough for you, Chris, I understand how it feels…I mean," she suddenly looked a little hesitant. "I understand how it _might_ feel to have skeletons in the closet, we sometimes feel…unworthy." I felt my heart contract; this was the true gift of Aphrodite children after all. They saw things nobody else did, before everyone else, they just realized things better. They also looked great in pink but that's a bit weak compared to the rest, I think. Silena put her hand on my shoulder:

"I'll help you, ok? I'll help you with..._her_." She gritted her teeth, it certainly sounded like she had already tried to talk to Clarisse. If there was something I could recognize from afar, that'd be the side effects of a face to face interaction with spear girl. "But you have to do your part; I need you to read these and work your best to be like…" she sighed in a very Disney princess sort of way. "_Him_."

"Him?" I was back to looking stupid.

"Edward, of course!" Edward? I looked down at the books and felt a hole opening on the ground beneath me, sucking me slowly into the emptiness. It was already torture to force a demigod to read a book in anything but our "mother language" but to force me to read "Twilight"…

"Sorry, Silena, if only you had suggested this a couple of weeks ago, you know?"

"But a couple of weeks ago you were still, you know, mad!" I did my best "My point exactly!" face. She glared at me.

"Don't you dare not to read these!" She said handing me the book she had on her hands. "They have all the answers you'll need for every female heart in the world."

"Yes, right, female hearts! So how will this ever help me with Clarisse?" She slapped my shoulder but I could tell she was trying not to laugh. She stood up at once and, with her hands on her hips she said:

"From now on, I want you to ask yourself _"what would Edward Cullen do?"_whenever facing a difficult time with Clarisse. So you better get on with your reading! And I want them back as soon as you finish so make sure none of siblings steal it!"

"Oh, don't sweat it. I'll hide these books very, very, _very_ well." Mostly because I'd like to keep my reputation as a heterosexual. She smiled triumphantly and sighed:

"Well, good luck to the both of us!" She turned around and left; her hair dancing gracefully behind her back. Not that I watched her go or anything.

I then tried to read the books. I went as far as the five first chapters (it only took me a thousand years), gave up and read a few synopsis on Wikipedia, then I'd just make one or two comments about the books when around the girls from the cabin (sometimes all I had to do was randomly say "Robert Pattinson!") and they'd all go ballistic and rant for hours to each other; after a couple of weeks, I had all I needed without having to actually put myself through all that pain. I then returned the books to Silena Beauregard ( and by "returned", I actually mean waiting 'till everyone was asleep, sneaking inside the Aphrodite cabin, leaving the books in her bed – after, of course, cleaning all of my digital prints – and leaving without a sound). The next morning, while I was on my way to the strawberry fields, she ran towards me:

"So, did you learn anything?"

"Sure!" I said with a smile. I wasn't lying, I had, for instance, learned that anyone can get published; seriously,_anyone_. Literature failures aside though, having Silena Beauregard point a finger at my face and say "You like Clarisse La Rue!" made something inside of me snap.

About three things I was absolutely positive: First, Clarisse was a daughter of Ares, the god of war. Second, there was a part of her– and I'm pretty sure that part is quite dominant, I'd say around 99% – that thirsted for my blood and pain. And third, I was probably still a little insane 'cause I might indeed like her.

**A/N:**_A prologue that turned out to be longer than what I expected. A lot of Twilight jokes on this one, don't get offended if you're a fan; the POV's change and so do opinions. Next chapter will probably be a very delusional narrative from Silena's POV. __Reviews are more than welcome, just so you know!_


	2. Chapter 1

**Calamity Clarisse**

**Chapter 1**: I learn a little thing about the Joy of Stalking and Spying

"_He wanted her/She'd never tell secretly she wanted him as well/But all of her friends/Stuck up their nose/they had a problem with his baggy clothes."_

_Avril Lavigne – Skater Boy_

Details are my thing; I love details, I can notice the minor things from a distance. For instance, just the other day, Candace, my friend from school, said she had been dumped by her boyfriend who was now seeing this Estelle person so I went straight home after school – dragging Candace with me, of course – and while we painted each other toes we checked the skank's Facebook.

Now, at the first sight of Estelle's relationship status, Candy started sobbing and crying out loud. No class, no composure. Look, as a daughter of the goddess of love, I'm nothing but sympathetic towards people whose heart just got broken but ladies, please! Learn something from Jackie O.; class and description above all things. Once I managed to control Candace's outburst, I engaged into deeper research:

"It's all about looks." She told me while blowing her nose. "I'll never be as pretty as this girl, Lena. Never!" Candace was being silly, of course; she was gorgeous with her flawless strawberry blond hair and petit figure. The only plausible reason for her to be dumped by Mark (her so called boyfriend) was under Estelle's cleavage.

"Stop your crying, Candy-cane. I have good news." She looked at me from her place on the floor and immediately moved so she was standing right next to me, staring at my computer screen.

"What, what did you find?" She asked.

"Cheerleading tryouts." I pointed out. "Early this year, Estelle tried out for the cheerleading squad, right?" Candace nodded. "Now, you might not remember this but a few years ago, Estelle was nicknamed…?" My friend stared at me blankly. I rolled my eyes. "Oh c'mon, why do people forget everything?"

"Can't you just cut to the point?"

"Estrogenless Estelle! Don't you remember this at all?" I was pushing too far; I'd be lucky if Candace even had any idea at all what "estrogen" was. "She was fourteen and had no curves at all!" Candy's face lit up.

"Yes! I remember now! She had, like, no breasts; we used to wonder if she used band-aids instead of a bra!"

"Exactly!" I turned around to face my computer again and showed a few of Estelle's album pictures to Candace. "Now, look: we all know she dyes her hair auburn even though she insists it's natural, she's been doing it since she was twelve and her hairdresser has to be one of the bests in town 'cause we never see any roots showing but just the other day, I entered the bathroom and she was doing her eyebrows desperately with tweezers and I _knew_ she was trying to protect her secret." Candace nodded, encouraging me to go on. "Also, she's awfully rich so we know better than anyone that she could've asked her father the world for her "sweet sixteen" birthday that she'd still get it, right?"

"Right."

"Well, however, fathers can be tricky. As much as they'd like us to have the world, they also don't want us to be in danger and if I know anything is that the more caring a father is, the more overprotective he gets!" Believe me, I'm my father's most precious possession, he worries if I'm three minutes late for dinner. I know fathers. "So if, for instance, Estelle asked her father for a huge birthday party, a car and a plastic surgery, she'd get it, right?"

"_She got a plastic surgery?"_Candace yelled in my ear, I rolled my eyes. Sometimes people are so oblivious.

"Yes she did, unfortunately for her though, she had asked for two." Candace was so eager for answers right now; I could feel her breathing on my face. "Just look at this picture from last year, see how her nose is a little corked to the right?"

"Hm, sure." Candace's expression told me she was actually thinking _"Not at all."_I showed her a second picture:

"Now look at this picture from January, this year. She turned sixteen in June, which was extremely convenient 'cause she had the time to recover from all the swolleness during summer vacation, right?"

"Right." She sounded more like _"Yeah, whatever."_

"Anyway, when she got back she had this beautiful new nose and these huge breasts, remember that?"

"Of course; guys talked about that for _ages_."

"Now, Candace, if you were a father, having to decide over a minor nose job and a seriously dangerous breast implant, what would you chose?" I was trying to make things easy for Candace but her IQ was against us both.

"Lena, this doesn't make sense at all; she _has_ a new nose, she _has_ new boos!"

"Wrong!" I said pointing my finger at her face. "The boobs are indeed new but they are _not_, by all means, hers." Candace looked as stupid as ever, I grunted and yelled at her face the answer: _"Cheerleading tryouts!"_

"_Saying a random sentence very loud doesn't make it any more understandable!"_She yelled back at me.

"Cheerleading tryouts are usually held in June in our school but this year one of our cheerleaders broke her leg and we had minor tryouts in September, remember?"

"Of course I do. I _am_ in the squad, you know?"

"Glad you remember at least _that_." I said. "Now, if Estelle had gotten her breast surgery, she'd need at least six months for full recovery and to be able to engage into any sort of extreme activity such as…" I moved my hands in circles, suggesting Candace should fill in the blanks. It took her almost two minutes:

"_Cheerleading!"_She finally said. I just love watching epiphanies. "So if she's not wearing breast implants then…"

"Good and old push-up bra, Gorgeous." Candace laughed for a while but her face suddenly changed again and she threw herself in my bed.

"It's no good; knowing she's not perfect doesn't exactly make me any less miserable, Silena." I sighed.

"It's not about her, Candy. It's about Mark."

"You telling me he got a push-up bra as well?" I laughed.

"No, I'm telling you he dumped you for a push-up bra. Let's face it, Candace, you're a bit of a prude. You've been together for what, a year?"

"Eight months." She fought a sob.

"Well, if you're with a guy for eight months and you didn't put out…"Look, I'm a daughter of Aphrodite, I'll spare you from my rants on why sex is a key part to any relationship. Even though I had no real relationships so far, of course; I mean, none besides the one I have with Luke Castellan in which the one thing I'm asked to put out is camp information.

"You're telling me Mark broke up with me over…"

"Sex, yes." I waved her off. "You have all the right in the world to hate him right now 'cause you truly love him and he did this to you and you can now go home, cry your heart out, buy Jane Austen books and a couple of cats and get started on a miserable unfulfilling life right now _or…_"I pulled out a notepad from my pocket. "you can get this notepad with the e-mails of the guys who said they couldn't believe someone would ever dump you once I told them the news, go to class tomorrow, enjoy their attention and wait 'till the day when Estrogenless Estelle finally believes Mark likes her enough to put out without fearing he'll dump her over such a silly little thing as her breastless body and they end up breaking up, forcing him to see reality and try to get you back desperately to what you'll refuse vehemently 'cause you'll be sooo over him." Candace stared at me in absolute shock for over a minute before snapping the notepad from my hand, squealing and wrapping her arms around me:

"Oh, Lena! You're like the Dr. Gregory House of love and relationships!"

You see? The trick is to always care for details, they'll give you everything you need to know and that's what I'm good at. However, as much as details can solve everything, you won't get anywhere without research and commitment. It's like taming horses (or, in my case, pegasi): you have to go through a bunch of steps before you can actually start to see improvements. You need to watch the animal, know its background story and pay attention at all sort of things the way it moves and looks like might tell you about their personality and health.

Details, research and commitment; the three keys to happiness and flying wild pegasi.

Sometimes the pursuit of these three simple things is a bit harder than just going through a Facebook page though. It might sometimes require, for instance, that you wake up at half past four a.m. (because, hey, you'll still need some time to get ready to leave your cabin of course) during summer vacation camp, follow a dangerous girl – who's, by the way, trained in all sort of combats and probably paranoid enough to know when she's being followed – all the way from the cabins to the arena without being spotted and hiding under the extra dirty row of benches, exposing yourself to the risk not only of being maimed, decapitated or killed but worse, much worse: getting your new _Manolo Blahniks_ ruined for good. And that's why commitment is so important.

Long ago, back when I was twelve and had just started here as a camper, I noticed Clarisse La Rue's attitude towards Chris Rodriguez; it was easy to tell she liked him by the way she seemed to always be _especially_ violent towards him. I had to be extra caring about details back then cause, at first sight, Clarisse does seem to be especially violent towards everyone.

So, as I do care for research as well, I watched the two of them for a long time 'cause, truth be told, I was sorta still wondering whether or not it was possible for Ares' kids to fall in love at all. Clarisse was only eleven back then so I assumed it was just a simple school girl crush on an older boy but turns out they seemed to know each other from before camp or something. I spent a lot of time hiding in the forges watching Clarisse nag Charlie (who, back then, I just called "that tall Hephaestus' son") to make her an appropriate armor. Maybe it was due to Charlie's calm way to handle Clarisse's outbursts, that I assumed it was ok for me to simply walk up and press her against a wall (I don't mean literally, of course, that'd be suicide).

"You like Chris Rodriguez, don't you?" I was too hesitant, if you ask me. Usually it works much better if you simply point a finger to the person's face and say it like an accusation; it brings out the truth more often. I don't blame myself though; I was only a starter back then.

I still remember Clarisse's glare at me as if she had no idea who I was and where I had come from. She had short hair and some seriously big muscles for an eleven year old so when she rolled her eyes and answered:

"I'm not interested in boys." Could you _really_ blame me for taking that as _"I'm a lesbian"_? Even until today I blame myself for walking out and not noticing things at first; of course she'd say that!

Clarisse is like Danny Zuko! You know, Danny Zuko, John Travolta's part in Grease? So, Danny totally likes Sandy (Olivia Newton-John on her golden days; I've listened to "Hopelessly Devoted to you" so many times, you'd be surprised) but he has these friends, you know, the T-Birds and they are all like wearing leather jackets and acting like bad boys so, even though Danny's in love with Sandy, he can't let go of his reputation to be with her. Well, that's Clarisse and Chris; Chris is actually a Hispanic, tall, muscled, demigod version of Sandra Dee while Clarisse is John Travolta minus the cool, sexy hip moves.

So there I was, under the benches watching Clarisse getting warmed up to throw javelins or whatever it is that she was going to do, when I saw Chris approach her. I have no idea where he came from but he seemed to be up for a while as well. At first I was desperate, fearing I wouldn't be able to hear what they were saying but as soon as he opened his mouth I thanked the ancient Greek for their ability to create perfect acoustic in arenas.

"'Sup, kiddo?" He said with his hands inside his jogging pants' pockets while she pulled her leg up with her left arm on her back. I thought it was cute that he called her "kiddo" since it sorta shows they know each other for a long time but I'm against anything that can be associated with father issues so I might tell him to stop that.

"What the Hades are you doing here, weirdo?" Clarisse asked without stopping but she didn't seem really surprised. "I thought you were trying to catch up with all those hours of nap time you lost the last year. Isn't it a bit too early for you to be up?" Chris stretched and yawned:

"Maybe; just watching you work out is making me sleepy."

"You say it as if that was hard." She rolled her eyes. He smiled and threw something at her that she grabbed it in the air. I could barely see it clearly but she said:

"A Dr. Pepper?" He was now opening a can of his own. One day I'll find out how do Hermes' kids manage to hide stuff so well, it'd be sooo useful to take makeup and money to clubs without carrying a purse, you know? "It's five in the morning, freak." She pointed out but he was already drinking his. "Aren't you afraid of getting sick again at all?" He laughed at her:

"Clarisse, stop calling it "sick", I went crazy." I had never heard such a tone coming from Chris' mouth before. At first it sounded like the same usual prankster voice he had; always laid back and with a joke on the tip of his tongue but I could tell he was being harsh with her. They both went silent for a few seconds and Clarisse ended up opening her drink. Chris laughed and raised his can to the skies in a cheer:

"May the gods bless Texas and its adorable beverage." They stood in front of each other without a word, like a battle of egos. Stalking and spying was actually more entertaining than Grey's Anatomy, I couldn't wait for their next move.

Clarisse started to turn her can at once on her mouth.

"Whoa, someone's trying for an ulcer here." Chris pointed out. Clarisse swallowed the last drop of Dr. Pepper and belched at his face.

"Classy." Chris and I said at the same time though he was chuckling and I was just plain shocked.

"At least I still hold on to my masculinity." Yes, I know you're wondering but that really did come from Clarisse's mouth. "I heard you've been asking questions about Twilight to other campers." Chris flinched:

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Why?" She smirked now with her elbow on the top of her head. "Why can't you tell me how much you love Edward Colon?"

"Cullen." Chris and I said together again but, as before, in quite different tones. "Look, what if I happen to have discovered a taste for soppy romances?"

How dare he call Twilight _soppy_? Twilight is a work of art that shows how love can grow in all sorts of environment. Stephenie Meyer is this era's Shakespeare!

"Oh, spare me, _Shakira_." Yes, I should probably add here that as part of her, hm, peculiar ways of showing affection, Clarisse might sometimes address to Chris as_Shakira_. Other names I've registered are _Tacoboy, Pedro_and, for some reason_, Mercedes Guadalupe._ "This is about Silena Beauregard."

My heart skipped a few thousand beats. I thought she was going to look straight into my direction, walk towards me just to drag me by the hair to force a conversation. That'd be bad as I like to keep my clothes clean and my hair on my head. However, all Clarisse did was laugh out loud:

"She's been chasing me, you know? Trying to talk to me, to start conversation... I don't know what she wants exactly but I knew at some point she'd go after you."

"They always do, don't they?" He shrugged. "Whenever people have to go against you on something, they always turn to me as if I hold all the answers." Clarisse chuckled:

"I don't know why they try though. You never could beat me at anything." Chris raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled a smile that seemed calculated to look innocent. "I don't remember ever losing to you." Chris took a deep breath and smiled a very calculated smile as well; I could still feel the ego fight going on:

"There's no fighting against your selective memory, is there?" At this moment, I think Clarisse opened her mouth to give some other sarcastic answer but Chris stopped her mid-sentence. "As much as I hate to crush your dreams, it wasn't about you that Silena Beauregard wanted to talk about." Clarrise's eyebrows rose and so did mine. "She wanted to talk about me."

"Oh." For a second, her expression flickered as if she really had been disappointed by this piece of info. "Then I don't want to know why you'd ever be reading Twilight; it's probably one of the side-effects of being exposed to her oh-so-overwhelming beauty, isn't it?" Was that jealousy, Clarisse? Was that some really obvious jealousy I saw?

"Oh you'd be right." Chris was now approaching her. "You know me, I'm all for pretty girls." Clarisse rolled her eyes. "And, believe me, Silena was all over me."

"_What?"_I said under my breath from where I stood. What the Hades did Chris think he was doing? Trying to get the both of us killed?

"She was?" Did Clarisse truly believe that? I couldn't tell by her expression and she didn't sound anywhere near hurt to hear him talk like that. Chris smiled and reached for her hair. He pulled her ponytail a couple of times distractedly, playing with it:

"I like your hair like this, you know? It's better than when you try to hide it all under the bandana." I felt like punching him; how could he change subjects like that? He was so manipulative, playing games like that! I mean, games are a right acquired only by us women through the centuries! He was playing soooo low.

Clarisse looked beyond angry by now but not her usual anger (I could tell this because Chris managed to keep both of his eyes even after saying that). She shook Chris' hand from her hair and pulled something from her pants pocket: a bandana. As much as I cheered for the two of them to be together, after getting so offended by Chris' actions, I just had to whisper: "You go, girl!" as she put the bandana around her head, hiding her hair and flashing a victorious smile at Chris.

"You're so mature, aren't you?" he said impatiently. Clarisse got back to her warming up and said:

"I have a piece of advice to you, Don Juan." Unfortunately, I couldn't tell if this was another pet name of hers to him or it was a specific insult due to the situation. "Pretty girls like Silena are nature's equivalent to Rupelstilskin. They approach you, act all nice and adorable, offer you something you previously thought impossible and before you know it, they are at your door asking for your first offspring with the king."

"Whaaaat?" For the first time Chris and I sounded the same: both confused and startled. Clarisse made an impatient noise with her mouth:

"If she's after you, she's up to something. It's just something I know."

"You don't think she likes me? Is it such an impossible idea for you to accept? You know, as much as you seem to disagree, I'm quite popular among girls."

"And I'm the one with a selective memory, you say?" Clarisse had a new smile now; it almost made her look like a normal sixteen year old girl. You could tell she was enjoying that conversation. Chris scowled at her but then his face relaxed into a new smile:

"It doesn't matter though 'cause I told Silena I already had someone in mind."

"You do?" She asked and you could tell she didn't think before saying it 'cause her expression changed to one of regret almost immediately. Chris smirked:

"Oh yes, I had to tell Silena how sorry I was to say no but that I couldn't help if I have a thing for hot temper and heavy hands." He said it all at such easy, I was amazed; Chris was being completely direct and he wasn't even flinching. Sure, he was lying like a mad man as well but he was still being direct; it's so funny how pretending everything is a joke can disguise all sort of truth, Clarisse wasn't even acknowledging him seriously anymore, her expression had changed completely:

"Hot temper and heavy hands? Is this the best you can do?" Clarisse was staring at him in contempt now. He laughed:

"Sports bra. I also really like sports bra; that little x on the back drives me crazy and, believe me, I know a few things about madness."

"You suck!" Clarisse yelled out of a sudden, her ears very red. "You suck so much I don't even feel like beating the crap out of you, moron!" She threw the empty Dr. Pepper can she had put on the floor at him but he dodged it so easily she stamped her foot in anger. Such a girly thing for her to do, Jacob's line on Eclipse – when he mocks Bella for stamping her foot as he thought girls only did that in movies – came to mind. Stephenie Meyer truly had a way of noticing the little things on our day to day life, I sighed.

"Why can't thee accept me feelings towards thy gracious looks and adorable personality, Mademoiselle La Rue?" Clarisse was already running from him.

"Learn to speak like a normal person or just shut up, weirdo!" She yelled from afar.

"Come back, my everlasting love." He yelled at her with his arms open. "I don't think I can live if you're not here."

"THEN I HOPE YOU _DIE_!" She screamed so loud this time, I felt the benches above me shake; she was already very far and didn't even look back once. I stood there, frozen in shock, still trying to understand what had just happened when I noticed Chris walking straight into my direction, looking directly into my eyes, a smirk on his lips.

"I assumed you were the low fat Soya strawberry yogurt type of person." He sad throwing me a tiny yogurt bottle and sitting on the bench above me as if he wasn't surprised at all by me being there. I almost missed the bottle but managed to grab it before hitting the ground; he kept looking at the spot from where Clarisse had just vanished with a beam on his face.

"So, are you really like Rupelstilskin?" He said finally. I looked at him and sighed:

"Not at all, though I can't say I don't have my own reasons to help you get along with her; I told you before though. I understand how it might feel to…"I couldn't go on; I couldn't simply tell him I wanted him to be happy because I saw myself in him because we were both traitors. He shrugged as he noticed I wouldn't talk any longer:

"I thought so."

"Where did she go?"

"To the woods, where else? She's probably training there instead of here, scaring the Hades out of the poor dryads with the javelins." I had initially asked that to know whether it was safe to show myself or not but I got distracted by his answer:

"Awn, will you look at you! You even know her training habits; I bet the two of you were out there together all the time!" He laughed out loud at this:

"Wrong, wrong, wrong!" He said laughing. "I used to _nap_ there all time! Our ways just happened to get crossed many times!" He then flinched as if had suddenly remembered a terribly painful experience. "_Waaay_ too many times." He seemed to space out for a few minutes, lost in memories of what seemed to be quite painful events. I finally made the way around the benches and sat next to him, sipping from my low fat yogurt.

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"It's one thing to follow Clarisse and go unnoticed, her ADHD level is so high, she has the attention spam of a goldfish but it's stupid to think _I_wouldn't realize you were following her. I saw you leaving your cabin this morning to take a shower and put two and two together. There was no way you'd risk your beauty sleep for anything other than your obsession with playing cupid."

"You say it like it's a bad thing." I said feeling quite hurt but he just smiled faintly at the sky.

"I just think you're pushing something that's not totally real." I raised my eyebrows at him:

"And you say that based on what? From what I saw today, the two of you seem quite connected."

_"Connected?"_He laughed again. "I can see why you like Twilight now; you're half blind!"

"Shut up! You're the one who mocked her 'till she left, weren't you? Before that, things were going just fine!" His expression changed:

"I know." He took a deep breath and stared at his own shoes. "You do realized it's always gonna be like this, don't you? That's the essence of our relationship; we can't go over ten minutes of conversation without jumping on each other throats." I smiled at him and he scowled at me. "Don't you dare make a kinky joke out of this 'cause it'd be almost like mocking my misery!" I nodded very fast, trying hard not to smile; he rolled his eyes at me:

"You are one annoying Aphrodite daughter, Rupelstilskin." He finally said with a scowl and I patted him on the shoulder.

"Want to know what _I_ think?" I said.

"Something tells me it's gonna be extremely awkward but go ahead."

"I think that you do have a thing for sports bras." We both laughed out loud for a while and then he stood up, stretching and yawning again:

"Who knows?" He said with a smirk, the thing about Hermes' children is that they never seem to give you a direct answer and even when they do, you can't feel completely sure they're telling you the truth.

"Before you gracefully run away from this conversation, Chris…" I said as he was turning around. You see, boys may try but they'll never be as good at playing games as us girls, he stopped at once. "I'd like to remind you that the one thing I'm good at is realizing the meaning of people's actions _especially_ towards relationships." I crossed my arms and smiled but he wasn't looking at me so I walked down the benches and stopped next to him:

"When Clarisse came back that winter after finding you, there was something absolutely wrong with her." I sighed. "I mean, besides the things that are already usually wrong with her, like that horrid,_horrid_hair and the constant frown." He laughed. "It was so wrong and so unlike her I didn't even pay attention to the fact she had cut her own hair and it was all irregular and stuff, you know? And then, it hit me. Ages ago, I had asked her if she liked you to what she answered…"

"I'm not interested in boys." He completed the sentence for me. " Heard that one before."

"Yes, well, and when she said that…"

"You thought she was a big time lesbo." I stared at him in shock and he just shrugged. "What Clarisse and I were talking before is true, you know? People _are_ always asking me stuff about her."

"Well, the thing is…When they first brought you here I could finally see what she had really been through. You were…"

"A traitor."

"That wasn't the word I was going for."

"It's the best one."

"Well, the point is that there was no use hiding anymore. I just knew she liked you."

"All_I_know…" He told me in a way that made me sure he was just trying to cut the subject. "Is that you do see a lot of things, I just can't say whether they are truly there or not." He made a pause and I thought he was going to say something really serious. "I mean, you see talent in Stephenie Meyer and…"

"You better not finish that line!" I snapped at him and he laughed. This boy had a way of getting into people's nerves and he seemed to enjoy every second of it.

"I'm off for a nap now, Silena, have a nice day and make sure you hide better next time." My heart stopped:

"You think she noticed something?"

"Clarisse? Nah! Real low attention spam when not in battle, believe me, I kept stealing her stuff and hiding then back in the old days." He sighed nostalgically. "She always took ages to find out. Good times, good times." He pointed his finger to a point behind us. "The forges are right over there though; if Beckendorf ever sees you following me and Clarisse around, he might get the wrong idea and, well, I'm fast and all but he's pretty huge and, you know, he has very easy access to sacred fire." I felt my cheeks burning up and he laughed at me. "You better focus on your own disturbed love life as well, Silena. I'm good with details too, you know?" I threw my bottle of yogurt at him, feeling pretty much like Clarisse had a while ago, he grabbed it in the air and started walking gangly towards north.

"Strawberry fields are the other way." I sorta yelled at him.

"I know." He said, looking behind. "I'm going for the North Woods today, you know? Maybe I'll get lucky enough to not get hit by a javelin while sleeping there." I crossed my arms again:

"Your paths just _happened_ to get crossed way too many times?"

"Coincidences are a funny thing." He said shrugging and walking away. I smiled to myself, he truly did have a way to get into people's nerves, and I could see why Clarisse wanted to be especially violent towards him. On the other hand, I could also see why she ended up liking him.

They truly are a lot like Sandy and Danny, aren't they?

**A/N:**_Oh my God, this turned out soooo much longer than what I had originally planned, for some reason I just couldn't seem to get where I wanted, lol. Next chapter will be a)shorter b)funnier and c)more delusional. It will also be from Silena's POV but this time she's aiming directly at Clarisse. Sorry for this long – not so funny – chapter .Introductions take such a long time. __X_X_


	3. Chapter 2

**Calamity Clarisse**

**A/N:** _Thanks for all the reviews so far (both at ffnet and DA) I plan on answering all of them soon. In case I didn't reply to yours, just complain and I will, lol! This chapter turned out to be really long so I split it in two, second part will be posted later; make sure you check!_

**Chapter 2:** I talk a lot about Hermes, Edward and Astrology

_"There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm" - ( Candyman - Christina Aguilera)_

Hermes is a very talented God; I suppose you ought to know this before anything. He's not only the God of travelers, thieves and athletes; he's also very _likable_.

You see, he's one of Lord Zeus', well, _children_ that are not a fruit of his marriage – let's call them that – now, we all know how Lady Hera can be quite, hm, what's a good , respectful word for that? Possessive, maybe? Well, let's call her _territorial_, right? And even _she _liked Hermes. Now _this_, ladies and gentlemen, is some serious power.

I believe that's why most of the Hermes' kids I know have this force of attraction that keeps everyone around them, even when they have stolen your bike, your lunch money or your date; you just can't help liking them. In some kids, this power is so evident, i t's hard to accept they'd ever do anything wrong; Luke, for instance. I'm sure Annabeth Chase is still hopefully awaiting for him to "snap out of it".

Look, I'm quite close (let's just call it "close" for now) with Luke nowadays and, believe me, if anyone needs to "snap out of it" that person is Annabeth. Luke's pure evil.

Anyway, I still remember the day the Party Ponies brought Percy and Annabeth back from their attack to the Princess Andromeda, I still remember how the Ares Cabin was yelling for Clarisse when they arrived and how the rest of the camp joined them for the first time like one big party. Tantalus was gone, Chiron was back…and then the bad news came.

"They have demigods as well." Percy said, his green eyes looking way darker and more serious than I remembered them to be; just a year ago, he'd been such a light hearted kid and now war just around the corner and he had no choice but to be "Prophecy Boy". We were all silently sitting by the campfire, almost sleepy, after the yelling had seized.

"What?" Charlie asked, his dark skin looking reddish under the fire light. He always looked his best close to the fire; it's a Hephaestus' son thing, I think.

"Demigods." Percy repeated, you could tell he looked up to Charlie. "They have half-bloods in their army as well, people from camp; they are not only recruiting monsters."

"Of course they are, Prissy." Clarisse said, playing with a stick and staring attentively at the light. "If Luke knows anything about strategy, he's trying to recruit undetermined demigods who are angry at their parents, and the ones camp still haven't managed to reach. He's starting with the weak minded, with the ones who have reasons to join...he knows what he's doing." Annabeth stared at her own knees; it was obvious she thought the same thing.

Whispers started all around us. I took a deep breath as I felt my heart failing me. What had they seen?

"Percy, you said…" They all looked at me at once; being an Aphrodite kid can sometimes be quite inconvenient; especially when you don't want attention drawn to you. "You said there were people from camp…Did you see anyone?" Percy opened his mouth to speak but Annabeth put a hand in front of his face to shut him up.

"No." She said. "Let me do this; you didn't know him so you'll probably just ruin it all." And then she took a deep breath.

"Chris Rodriguez was there." The whispers stopped almost immediately. It wasn't shocking; of course he had reasons to do that; he was close to Luke, he was never determined even though his powers were rather obvious, his mom had killed herself and he had never really met her. It wasn't supposed to be shocking but we all knew Chris, we all liked him. He was a nice guy; he was an _extremely _nice guy. Sure, we had to kick him out of places every now and then 'cause he kept falling asleep in the weirdest environments, but still…

My eyes moved a little, trying to check Clarisse's expression and I noticed most of the other demigods around me were doing the same, even Charlie who usually kept himself out of anyone's business looked sideways.

Chris was our very own Switzerland; he seemed to be the only one capable to make Clarisse see sense; whenever one of us was in trouble with her, we just tried our best to convince Chris to help us – it didn't happen very often though, usually he was just too lazy to bother saving our buttocks, but he would always be able to stop her.

Nobody understood _why_; most of us just assumed it had something to do with he being so nice everyone liked him; even "Evil Ares girl with the Permanent Scowl" but I later found out they had gone through some trouble together before they became all year campers or something. They didn't exactly have a close relationship but they were often picking on each other and getting into fights, still, they'd still be seen talking in a friendly way to each other every now and then and he almost never ended up needing Ambrosia after that like the rest of us would. To see Clarisse respect anyone who wasn't a real authority, it was like watching a man walk on water. Or watch Paris Hilton win an Oscar. Either way, a miracle.

So we all just stood there quietly, pretending not to wait for her reaction but all she did was throw the stick she was playing with into the fire and then yawn:

"If I had known there were campers there, I wouldn't have let Charybdis destroy my ship 'till I blew up that Princess Andromeda like I wanted to." Yes, I know, all in all, not what the drama we were expecting.

So now Chris is back; he has been back for a while, of course, but he's back _and_ sane now, which is sort of a plus, right? We all hoped for him to get well again and we all watched as Clarisse grew more and more desperate.

In my cabin, we also watched the obvious decline on her looks as well; at first she showed up with that horrid short haircut she had, obviously done all by herself (and, I can only believe, in the dark as well), and her muscles kept getting bigger as she trained more and more often (cause that's what she does under stress) and then she stopped training at all, she started to look pale, sad, weak...Poor Clarisse. Around that time, it became pretty obvious to everyone what exactly was the reason for Chris to be able to stop her, we all knew; she couldn't have been more obvious, right?

Still, here I am, weeks after the boy woke up, following Clarisse up and down so I can force her into owning up to her feelings. It's pathetic, really. Wasn't she supposed to be fearless? The worst part is that I've chased the girl like Lady Gaga chases attention and still have no clues; not one moment of weakness, not one passionate sigh…nothing! And that's why I went looking for Chris again.

Bear in mind, however, that "looking for Chris" is quite a hard task; he seems to be like one of those tricky children books' magical items that can only be found by people who aren't looking for them in the first place. I have tripped on the guy, countless times before, I have a pair of ruined flip-flops due to these unexpected encounters, I had people from my cabin starting a petition to make it forbiden for him to take naps anywhere near the bathrooms 'cause we kept tripping over him and breaking some seriously expensive makeup products and still, when I, for once, want to meet him, he's nowhere to be found! Bloody Hermes' Son!

"I'm done with this!" I said as I walked through the North Woods for hours. "This is too much risk to take for a stupid thing like this."

"I think you just read my mind, Beauregard!" A voice came from somewhere near. At first I was scared, thinking it was one of Luke's minions coming to taunt me but then I turned around and saw someone at Zephyro's Creek.

"Chris? What are you doing in the Creek?" I said, approaching him; I could only see his face outside the water but he looked like he had been in there for a long time, swimming. His eyes were puffy, as if he hadn't had much sleep (and I thought that was _impossible_) and he looked really moody. I had never seen him so cranky. Also, he had a huge cut on his eyebrow and another one on his lower lip, honestly, he looked like crap, so I thought of something nice to say:

"You look like Minotaur poop." Yes, this is me; sugar coating me.

"Thanks, princess. I'm sorry if I'm not a good prototype of the male species, if the whole race is ashamed of my existence and all that…" I raised an eyebrow at him and I could feel my lips contorting in a confused smile. As I still prepared myself to say something, I saw three heads popping out from the water around Chris; they were all fair haired teenagers and they put their arms around him:

"No, Chris, don't say that! Bethesda thinks you're the perfect male!" Said a brown-haired girl looking passionately at him.

"Yes, Chris, I, Aellai, will love you forever if you stay!" A blond girl said, trying to push the other ones away from him.

"Forget them, Chris, my love, only Callidora has the capacity to provide you with all the love you want!" I watched in shock as the third Naiad kissed Chris' wet hair. I kneeled down on the ground near the creek and whispered to him:

"What the Hades you think you're doing, swimming with naiads, Chris? Don't you know they are…"I stopped as I noticed the three pair of eyes glaring at me. "Oh, beat it, I'm a daughter of Aphrodite, you better leave or else, my mom won't ever help you find a man again and, next thing you know you'll all end up like Salmacis!" The naiads opened their mouth in rage but remained quiet then they just scowled and dived back into the water again.

"Salmacis?" Chris asked after they disappeared.

"Oh, you know Salmacis. She wanted a guy, he didn't want her, yadda, yadda, they ended up fused in the same body. I think you've heard of him, our half brother...Hermaphroditus." Chris swallowed his own saliva, nervously:

"Oh yes, I remember _that_."

"Chris, seriously, what are you doing with the Naiads?" I sat down more comfortably but that's only because he looked pretty bad otherwise I would had _never_ ruined my shorts on that ground. Chris looked at me, emotionlessly for a long time and suddenly he grunted really loud before disappearing into the water. For a second, I thought the naiads had taken him. "Chris! Chris! Are you ok?" His dark eyes surfaced again and he scowled:

"Chill, woman, I'm right here! You've scared the naiads away now even _they _won't date me. Are you happy now?" I put my hands on my hips and rolled my eyes at him.

"Enough with the nonsense angst, Rodriguez, just spill the beans!" Yes, fear my ghetto talk! "What happened?" Part of me was sure it had everything to do with Clarisse, on the other hand, I had seen Clarisse do all sorts of things to Chris the last few years and nothing had made Chris so shaken; I had no idea what could possibly lead to that reaction.

"Nothing happened." He said. "But just be aware that I'll never follow your advices, never again." His head disappeared in the water again. I took a deep breath to gather patience and put my hand in the water, looked for his hair and pulled him out:

"How is this ever my fault?" I asked angry and kept my hold on him, he rolled his eyes but sighed, tired:

"I'm sorry to bring this on you; it's just that Edward Cullen thing that backfired a bit."

"Being like Edward would _never_ backfire." I said, offended. Chris rolled his eyes again:

"Just forget it! I don't want to talk about it anymore." He stood up at once and I was happy to find out he had at least _some _clothes on. He grabbed a towel from a rock nearby.

"Are you really going to avoid this conversation?"

"Yup." He answered light heartedly as he ran without living his place to dry his pants. He started stretching and warming up as if he was about to go for a run which, I thought, was probably quite possible. "What about you, honey puff? What do you want from me?"

I didn't dignify that with an answer; I just stood up, cleaned the dirt out of my shorts and took a deep breath:

"I'm tired of you; the two of you, actually. Clarisse is hard to deal with but you, Chris, you're impossible! I'm done with the two of you." I said, starting to walk away. He stood in silent and I started counting in my head. One, two, three, four…

"Silena, wait!" He was right after me, holding his shirt above one of his shoulders, looking really guilty. I tried hard not to smile at my suaveness; I was just so _good_ at playing people.

"No, Chris, no more waiting! I'm late for Wrestling." I said, pretending to ignore him.

"Please, Silena, I'm sorry. It's ok if you want to give up, I get it, just…Forgive me for being mean to you, I almost never get cranky but when I do, I….Wait. Did you just say _wrestling_?" He stopped at once. "What the _Hades_ would you ever, _ever_ do in wrestling class?" I finally turned around and smiled at him, crossing my arms.

"Why, spy on the teacher, of course." I answered smugly. Chris looked confused:

"Is Beckendorf teaching?" Bloody Hermes' son!

"_No!" _I said, feeling my ears getting hot. "_Clarisse_ teaches wrestling! Classes were delayed and only started again this week 'cause everyone was still recovering from the Battle of the Labyrinth but she's been teaching it for a couple of years now; her classes can get pretty violent." Or so I've heard, it's not like I go to wrestling classes at all, I hardly show up for Capture the Flag events, let alone fighting activities.

"She has _students_? They let _Clarisse _actually _teach_ people?" He was overwhelmed and lost in thoughts for a second. "Now I'm pretty sure Mr. D. truly wants us all to die."

We walked in silence towards the Arena and took some seats in the benches as Clarisse battled a 14 year old Apollo girl who seemed like she'd rather just burst in spontaneous combustion than be there learning moves from Cranky Pants.

See? "Cranky Pants", that's my pet name for Clarisse, I wonder if she'll like it.

As usual, with her absolute lack of attention to the word around her, Clarisse didn't notice our arrival at all; she just kept on struggling with the Apollo girl (and by "struggling with" I actually mean "torturing") while naming all the moves she did (with absolute no effort) and pointing out the girl's mistakes. She was actually a good teacher, I was impressed.

"She's good at this." I pointed out to Chris. "She's _really_ good at this."

"Of course." He didn't sound as surprised. "She's bossy, overbearing and arrogant; some like to call these things "_Leading Skills_". She's a natural commander; for her, this is no different than heading a troop; it's an Ares thing. We all have some work skills we inherited from our godly parents."

"Yes, like…I could be America's Next Top Model." I sighed with a passionate gaze towards the sky. Chris started choking; I think he was trying not to laugh. "Oh, shut up! Don't laugh at my dreams! Do you even have a career plan?"

"Of course I do." He said. "And before you force me to tell you what it is, let me just say here that getting into a reality show and befriending Tyra Banks is _not_ a career plan."

"Whatever." I said in contempt. "What do _you_ want to be?"

"A lawyer." He answered simply; it was my turn to choke:

"What?" I said in my most high pitched voice. "Aren't law schools like, extra hard to get in or something?"

"The good ones; yes, but despite your lack of confidence on my skills, my friend, I'm quite a good student otherwise I wouldn't have gotten myself in so many different military schools through my life."

"I thought you just kept changing because you had trouble handling authority."

"Well, that too, but I kept getting accepted even though I had those problems. Doesn't this mean something?" I nodded with a smile. "Besides, Hermes is quite known for his skills as a lawyer."

"Oh yes!" I remembered immediately. "Like when he stole Apollo's calf and defended himself to a jury, right? He's the god of eloquence as well; _Hermes Logios_!" You might be surprised by my super awesome knowledge of mythology right now but believe me, I'm not a nerd or anything it's just that, once you find out the whole thing is real, reading about Mythology is like checking really, really, _really_ old editions of "Ok! Magazine". Chris was staring at me like I was some sort of freakish Athena kid:

"I was actually thinking something more in the lines of "God of Thieves" but what you said makes a lot more sense, I'll say that from now on." It wasn't that good of a joke but I started laughing anyway and loud too. Really, really loud.

Oh, awfully silly me.

"Clarisse just looked in our direction." Chris pointed out, his face showing no emotion; my heart stopped:

"Oh my Gods; does she look angry?"

"She always looks angry."

"Does she look _angrier_?"

"No, not really." He forced his vision to get a better look. "No, wait I think she…Nah, the Apollo girl just tried to give her a wedgie, I think she's just mad at that." I turned around to face her just in time to see the Apollo kid get knocked out by a simple jab on the neck by Clarisse, who turned to her students and said:

"And this, twerps, is the famous "La Rue Blackout"; I won't teach you how to do it but just be aware I'm able to next time you kiddos try for a low blow." Everyone looked pretty scared and some of her students were guys twice Clarisse's size – if that was even physically possible for anything besides Cyclopes. Next to me, Chris just chuckled bitterly.

"What?" I asked him.

"Nothing, I'm just way too familiar with the "La Rue Blackout"; truth be told, I think she trained that on me 'till she got it right." I shivered as we watched one huge guy from Hermes' cabin approach Clarisse as her next opponent.

"Who's that?"

"I've been mad for the last two years. Don't ask me stuff."

"He's from your cabin!"

"It's a big cabin, ya know?"

I watched as the guy tried to punch Clarisse while she mocked his moves and made him even angrier at her. _"You fight like a girl, you fight like a girl and not even a good one!" _she kept saying, I wonder where she takes these ideas from. The guy finally grabbed her by the waist and tackled her to the ground. I looked at Chris once again and asked, the corner of my eyes still on the fight:

"You know what I don't get?"

"Stuff from GAP?"

"Besides that." I said, scowling. "You're a Scorpio, right? Scorpios are pretty possessive."

"They are also known for being good, passionate lovers in bed."

"What?" I blinked in disbelief. He smiled at me:

"I thought we were just saying random stuff about Astrology so I went for the one I knew would make me look cool."

"Hm, no, of course not; I have a point here!" He smirked at me as if didn't believe a word I was saying. "Look, we are children from the Gods, if all constellations stories are real, why can't our signs mean something?"

"There's absolute no point starting this argument with you cause it'll lead absolutely nowhere so, please, go on. I'm more than used to being forced to hear stuff." Oh the joys of talking to someone who had been overly exposed to Clarisse!

"Anyway, Scorpios are really possessive and overprotective, you know? How come you can, like, watch Clarisse literally "wrestle" with all sorts of random guys? Aren't you at all threatened by them? Aren't you worried she might get hurt?" He looked as if he was thinking about it and then answered:

"That doesn't sound like me at all, I'm super fine with Clarisse's hand on that guy's neck and her knees on his boy parts while he screams for mercy. As shocking as it might sound, I'm not jealous of him at all." He smirked again. "Are you sure you got this information right?"

"Of course I do! I know everything there is to know about the Scorpio male!" He looked a little frightened:

"And that's because…?"

"Because of Edward, of course!" I burst. "You see, Edward is a Scorpio so I've gone through all sorts of magazines and websites."

"Why do I even ask? _Why_?" I heard Chris mutter to himself.

"And you see, I'm a Virgo, just like Bella! The two of us are a match made in heaven!"

"Uh, Lena, Edward is not real." He told me in the same tone someone would say "_duh"._

"You don't know that for sure. I spent most of my life believing Mythology was a bedtime story and…"

"I've seen vampires, Lena, empousae are _nothing_ like Edward. And I can assure you they are _not_ sparkly."

"Killjoy." I muttered and he chuckled. We went silent for a second. In the center of the Arena, the Hermes cabin guy had just pulled Clarisse's hair; you could tell he was desperate not to lose to a girl.

"Once again, I have to say how much I admire your ability to ignore the natural Scorpio's possessiveness and just let Clarisse be. That's good, you know? She's an Aries. Aries enjoy freedom a lot." I sighed. "They are also very prone to mood swings, by the way." Some people were now joining the other demigods in the arena; they were yelling _"fight, fight!"_ and I wondered if this was the usual behavior in this class. Chris stood very still next to me:

"Plus, in a moment like this, the world needs more fearsome, strong willed people like Clarisse; it won't come as a surprise if the number of her admirers grows in the year to come, it's not like she's unattractive as well, right? Of course you think I'm right, duh." I kept on ranting but Chris just stood still, focused on the fight. "She has this very flawless pale skin and, even though she doesn't take care of her hair, it has some really nice dirty blond, brownish shade and I like that her face has angular features…The body is a bit too muscular for my taste but if guys watch "Fight Girls", they can also like Clarisse, right?" I looked at my side to ask for Chris' opinion but he wasn't sitting there anymore. He handed me his orange camp shirt and said:

"Sorry, Lena, I'm gonna join the fight. We can talk later."

"Wait! What you're talking about?" I looked up and saw how now there were three guys holding Clarisse to the floor. Whoa, that couldn't be good. But then something hit me and I yelled at Chris:

"Aaaawn, you're such a Scorpio!" He turned around and, I swear to you, never – in my whole life – did a glare look so much like a middle finger.

_- Minor cliffay but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do._


	4. Chapter 3

**Calamity Clarisse**

**Chapter 3:** Clarisse and I Survive Through One of The Worst, Most Awkward Moments of our Young Lives.

"_Miss Never,-let-a-man,-help-her-off-her-throne/So, by keeping her heart protected/She'd never ever feel rejected/Little Miss Apprehensive/Said ooh, she fell in Love" (Kelly Clarkson – Miss Independent) _

The premise was pretty badass, really. Chris walked towards the mass of fighters in the center of the arena as if he wasn't bothered at all by their size or by their much larger number. I eagerly moved forward in the benches, trying to get a better view; he had nothing but jogging pants and running shoes on, while some of the guys wore most of their Greek armors (It's an advice we like to give anyone who thinks about joining Clarisse's class; if you go, make sure you protect all the vital organs).

At this point, Clarisse wasn't even yelling anymore, she was just trying to keep the opponents away from her but they were too many; I had counted three earlier but now there were at least five guys and, maybe, two girls (I couldn't be sure about their sex).

I had no idea why they were attacking her like that but I was sure it wasn't something meaningful; with an attitude like hers, I'm surprised this sort of thing didn't happen everyday.

Some other half-bloods approached but these didn't seem to think the idea of beating the hell out of Clarisse was fun. Well, I suppose they did think that, they just knew it wasn't _right _to actually do it.

Chris pulled the first guy by his collar and just threw him away from Clarisse, two other guys came in his direction but he just dodged really swiftly and kicked one of them on the stomach without even looking at it, his expression was almost peaceful as if he was only fighting halfheartedly.

"Badass…" I said to myself, I had no idea he was so good at this, though it made some sense since Clarisse did like him, after all. Now, one would think after seeing the guy you like show up to save you and kick some random guys' ass like that's no big deal, a girl would be totally flattered and more in love but the next thing I saw, Chris was getting punched.

By Clarisse.

"What the Hades?" I hear him yell at her.

"Get away from my class, Punk!" She said pointing to the exit.

"_Class?" _He shouted in a high pitched voice. "Clarisse, these guys were ganging up against you!" Chris reasoned. Around them, the fights and screaming had absolutely seized, all eyes and ears were focused on their argument now.

"And I had everything under control!" She yelled even louder. "Look!" She jabbed the two other guys on their chest and they fell down agonizing. "I didn't need any help!" Chris took a deep breath.

"You are _bleeding_, for crying out loud!"

"I bleed all the time! I get my bones broken; I get scars, I bleed a lot! That's what I do!" They went on shouting louder and louder at each other, gesturing and throwing their arms in the air like a couple of Italian mothers. I started polishing my nails and sighed. You wouldn't be able to cut that sexual tension with an axe if you tried, it was sooo dense. Their faces were beet red and it wasn't a nice picture, they kept insulting each other and Clarisse kept yelling:

"You know I hate when people save me, I don't need saving!" I wish I had brought a magazine or something.

"Of course you don't, Clarisse!" He said with a smile. "YOU NEED _EXORCISM_!" He finished with a berserk scream.

For a second, I thought Clarisse had vanished in the air but then I saw her jumping fast towards Chris:

"Yes, go ahead; deal with this the same way you deal with everything else, kid!"

"Don't call me a kid, punk!"

"Enough!" Someone had appeared between the two of them; my heart skipped a beat.

"Charlie!" I whispered.

"What the Hades is going on here? Clarisse, this is not the behavior we expect from a camp counselor and Chris…" He slowly turned around to face Chris and I got the feeling he'd say something else but he just sighed and looked away saying. "I expected you to be more controlled."

"Sorry, Beckendorf." They both said at once, avoiding his eyes. Everyone respects Charlie, he's such a good leader. I couldn't help but sigh and beam out of pride and admiration.

"However, if the two of you want to fight so badly, I'm sure you are allowed. As long as the fight follows the camp wrestling classes' protocol." That, in case you don't know, includes pretty much all sorts of maiming, amputations and torture. What was Charlie _thinking_ letting them fight like that? Clarisse looked surprised, the three of them approached each other and argued in whispers for a couple of minutes before they parted.

"Well..."Charlie said. "See you guys in half an hour then." And he walked smugly out of the Arena leaving everyone but Clarisse and Chris confused out of their minds.

"Alright, I'm done for today, back to your activities, twerps! Beat it!" At first, people didn't exactly move, they just turned to their sides and started gossiping about what had just happened, but then Clarisse grabbed a spear from Hades knows where and yelled. "I SAID _BEAT IT_!" An Electric jolt came out from it and just like that, the three of us; Clarisse, Chris and I were the only ones in the Arena.

"Awkward…" I sing sang to myself. Chris started talking:

"Half an hour then?"

"Don't talk to me, weirdo! I know the time we scheduled already." She was walking away and Chris mimicked her behind her back while making faces. "Hey, pageant princess!" It took me some time to decide who she was talking to but then I noticed she was walking straight towards me and flinched.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever heard of _Troy_?" Chris was no longer there, part of me hoped he was just hiding in case she went for an attack.

"You mean…Zac Efron?" Clarisse raised both eyebrows at me:

"Who?" She rolled her eyes. "Oh, stow it. Have you ever heard about the Trojan War, you know, the one that happened in _Troy_?" She was obviously being denigrating towards me, talking to me as if I had the IQ of a hell hound puppy but I was smarter than what she took me for:

"Of course I know. Awesome movie; Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom were in it!"

"Honestly, Princess, I don't understand half of the things that come out from your mouth, so just shut up and listen, will you?" I was a bit scared by then so I just nodded and listened.

"Ok, shoot." Pause. "I mean, go ahead, keep talking…no shooting whatsoever, please, we are ok without shooting."

"Uh, ok." She watched me rant as if I was the weirdest thing she had ever seen. "Look, do you know who started the war?"

"Uh…The Spartans?" Lesson number one in Greek History; if a war started and you don't know who was responsible for it…Go for Sparta; it's _always _Sparta.

"Good guess but nope. It wasn't Sparta that time." And probably _just_ that time. "Your _mom_ started it."

"Gods, I hope this is a "your mamma" insult or else you sure are a hypocrite, aren't you a daughter of the God of War?" Clarisse smiled but she didn't seem to mean it at all, she looked more like a falcon who had just spotted its prey.

"That's the thing about you Aphrodite children, you know? _Everyone _thinks you are so harmless and kind because _looove_ can't hurt you, right? But you're even more vicious than my father will ever be." I stared at her in shock, she truly was mad at me and I had no idea why.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Paris, Helen and Melenaus; that's what I'm talking about! Don't you see what you're doing here? The only reason Beckendorf even set this fight between Rodriguez and I, is because _you, _princess_, _walk around the guy all the time!" I was really offended by this; it was one thing to accuse me of something but to offend my cabin and Beckendorf as well…This, I wouldn't take in silence:

"You talk as if you weren't at all happy to get in a fight with him, just a couple of minutes ago you were nothing but willing to knock the boy out! I could see your veins popping from here and I was sitting _really_ far!" I pointed to the point in the arena where they'd been fight; I saw Clarisse's eyes glow bright red and I noticed just how wrong my move had been.

"What's that in….your hand?" I took a look at it.

"_Oh crap."_

"Is that…Rodriguez's shirt?"

"Hm, yeah…He handed it to me when he went…"

"Hand it to me." She cut me off, I obeyed. She then shouted:

"Hey, Shakira, I know you're hiding somewhere in here." She pulled out her spear. "Watch me." The electricity from the spear burnt the shirt 'till it was black and useless. "Prepare yourself; I'll do the same thing to you later." She stormed out of the arena without further words. Talk about mood swings.

"Hey, are you ok?" Chris voice came from under the benches right after she left. "She didn't hurt you, did she?"

"Not physically but…"

"Don't worry about Beckendorf, she's made at him for scheduling the fight."

"That doesn't sound like Clarisse; I thought she'd be mad at him for avoiding it." Chris sighed sheepishly and said:

"It's not about the fight, it's about me. She thinks I'm not fully recovered and stuff like that."

"Oh, please, she almost killed you a few minutes ago!"

"First of all, she didn't; I'm pretty capable of battling her and winning, thank you very much. And second, that's beyond her self-control. She can't help giving in to her _inner Kraken_; she has to get physical in arguments." He inhaled some air. "Anyway, she told us both to give up on the idea, that she wouldn't fight me when I had just spent the last year having tea parties with Cerberus, deciding whether or not to die."

"That _also_ doesn't sound like her."

"She said the same thing but with a lot of curse words, believe me. Either way, I told her to drop it already that if she had any respect whatsoever towards me that she'd fight me like she'd fight anyone else." He was silent for a second. "She then told me she had no respect whatsoever towards me but that she'd still enjoy kicking my ass. And that's where we stand."

Suddenly, I felt a tingly sensation and something inside of me went "aha!"

"I've gotta go, Chris!" I said standing up at once. "Did you see to what side Clarisse went?" He stared at me, his eyes wide in confusion and pointed silently towards the cabins. I started walking away but he held me by the wrist:

"Whoa, where are you going?" I took a deep breath and smiled at him:

"_Chris, I think my Aphrodite Sense is tingling!"_ He smiled at me as you'd smile at a crazy old lady who just wet her own panties:

"Good for you, wacko!" He said cheerfully as I walked away in rapid steps.

Ok, so it turned out that Clarisse hadn't headed towards Cabin 5, she went a little further than that and now I'm here in front of a door, wondering whether or not to come in.

Oh, whatever, it's not like I can still escape the Fields of Punishment when I die.

"Clarisse?" I whispered as I entered Bathroom Cabin, I could hear water dropping from a shower and her backpack was hanging on one of the door knobs. We, counselors as well as all the all year campers had our own "VIP showers" but that's just Ancient Greek for "a bathroom that gets cleaned every once in a while". However, even if this bathroom had a lot less movement than the others, leaving her bag just hanging there was a naïve action. "Clarisse?" I whispered again, this time knocking on her shower cabin.

"What the H…Wait. Beauregard, is that you?"

"Hey there, Clarisse." I said sheepishly, half leaning on her door. "I sort of wanted to talk to you."

"I'm showering. Unless Kronos is outside waving his scythe at the other demigods and distorting time and space, I don't care what you have to say, go out before I break your neck with my own bare, soapy hands!"

"Nay, nay!" I told her. "I have some serious important business to discuss with you, I have taken the wrong approach so far but now I've figured it all out and we need to talk it through!"

"I'm not kidding, Beauregard! There's nothing stopping me from killing you right now!" I flinched and took a deep breath. "I'm gonna start to count and I better hear your stupid heels moving away from the door."

"Clarisse, please…It's really important…"

"I'm gonna count to 5."

"C'mon, can't you take in consideration that, in a way, we are sort of stepsisters?"

"ONE…"

"Seriously, I just want to help you, ok? Please, _please_, let me help you!"

"I don't need help. TWO…"

"Of course you do; there's no shame in admitting that! I can tell you need help. I've been watching you…" No, wait, that's probably not the best thing to tell someone whose _shower_ you just interrupted. "I've been _worrying_ about you." Yeah, that's better. I tried to sound more serious than ever. "I know you don't believe me but I care about you, I don't want to see you suffer like you suffered last year ever again…"

"Oh Zeus, I'm flattered. THREE…" By now I was down right desperate:

"Clarisse, c'mon! We both know you're in love with Chris and you're simply afraid to own up to your feelings 'cause this will – somehow – may put your badass reputation in check! Just talk to me!"

Everything went silent very suddenly; no sound in the bathroom besides the water and my accelerate heartbeats that I kept counting as I waited for her answer. I stood there waiting for what felt like hours, breathing in and out, hoping for her to talk to me already.

"FOUR…"

"ARE YOU FOR REAL?" I yelled in shock.

"More than for real, actually, I'm also being quite merciful! Usually I just count up to three but, let's face it, you are really tiny and those heels you were wearing looked like they didn't make escaping any easier, so…"

"Oh, _shut up_!" I burst at last. Luckily for me, I had spent most of my summer camp days inside those bathroom walls checking my makeup and working on my hair so I knew every single cabin door there and each of their specific glitches. So, in an act I can only describe as impulsive and reckless, I kicked her door open and joined her under the water.

"WHAT THE…?" Gladly, due the surprise factor, Clarisse was caught off guard and lost some of her balance on the slippery floor, I covered my eyes with my hands before anything and handed her the towel that'd been hanging on the door.

"Here, take this!" I felt her take the towel from my hands abruptly. "And before you even think of hitting me, I'd like to remind you that I'm a daughter of Aphrodite and, although I present no physical threat whatsoever, any harm done towards me will most likely lead to my mother being utterly enraged thereby causing a whole lot of anger to your father as well since she'll probably complain about the incident for ages until he finally comes to you and desert you and I know, Clarisse, I just _know_ you have at least eighteen Freudian based father issues about your constant need for his approval so, unless you want to be banned for eternity from cabin 5 and spend the rest of your days in therapy, I'd avoid hurting me." I had my eyes closed really tight and my hands protecting my face but as I didn't feel any pain, I assumed she fell for it. I tried to keep the tough act though I was pretty sure I was really close to a nervous breakdown. "Now, are you decent?" I heard her grunting before she said between her teeth:

"No, I'm naked in a shower with some random girl who just threatened me after forcing herself into my private cabin; I don't feel decent at all but if you're asking if I wrapped the towel around me, then yes, I have."

"Good." I said with a smile and looking at her. When I first got in, even though I had been in those cabins plenty of times before, I hadn't thought them to be that tiny. Of course I had never shared the cabin with a 6'1 tall daughter of Ares before, so my misassumption sorta made sense. I studied Clarisse's grumpy face as she turned off the shower and then went back at glaring at me as if she was imagining my head explode, I smiled awkwardly at her and she scowled at me:

"Pervert."

"_What?" _

"I just knew it! You, children of the Goddess of Love, I just knew this had to mean you were a bunch of bisexual hippies or something." I stared at her in absolute shock, unable to speak. "Love knows no boundaries!" She said this in a high pitched mocking voice. "No boundaries! Spare me; that's just and excuse to this sort of sexual assault!"

"Sexual…Assault?"

"RAPIST!" She yelled. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh please, Clarisse, are you sincerely going to scream for help here? We both know that, if anyone walked in on us right now, they'd simply assume you were the rapist and I'm the victim."

"You talk like a professional."

"I'm into Law & Order." We went quiet for a second. Staring at the walls around us, Clarisse sighed impatiently:

"I was under the impression you had something to tell me…"

"Oh, yes, you're right. I have some serious subject to discuss with you and…" But then, something on the shampoo supporters made my heart stop, I felt the need to cry for help, I just couldn't understand it, I had to confront her on that absurd. "You use the official Camp Half Blood shampoo? Are you insane? That's _hair suicide_!"

Clarisse turned her back on me and started knocking her head on the wall and murmuring "_why? Oh why_?" . I put my hand on her shoulder:

"Uh, sorry...I have ADHD as well, you know?" She turned around again, one eyebrow raised still unable to trust me. I suppose I can't blame her, right? I had just cornered her in a shower cabin; I reached for my pocket. "Either way, use this one; it's a sachet of my favorite brand of shampoo, I take it everywhere I go 'cause we never know when we might have a hair emergency, you know? It will work wonders for you, I swear!"

"Hair…" She said to herself looking straight through me and ignoring the sachet I was handing her. Talk about rude, right? I had just gotten my own hair wet as well and I was donating my last envelope to her, that's sacrifice! "Look, Princess…" She finally looked at me again. "I have some serious stuff to attend to and I won't lose my time with you if you don't have anything useful to tell me besides how much I need a make over. If it didn't work the first million times they told me, it won't work now." She tried to open the cabin door again but I placed my hand there to keep it shut.

"No way, Jose." I told her with a smirk and kinda hoping the use of a Hispanic name would make her a little less grumpy as she obviously seem to like them.

"You see, I took that little backpack of yours from the door and I have some of your clothes very well hidden in this bathroom that I, by the way, know better than I know myself. So unless you want to show up at your fight with Chris wearing nothing but your birthday suit, you'll stay here and do what I tell you to do. Unless you wanna go, of course, I'm sure wrestling will be a much more fulfilling experience to the two of you." I could see her inner Kraken waving its tentacles at the surface of her light reddish brown eyes. "Remember your father issues!" I said at once and I watched it fade away against its will.

"You…are… a…monster!" Actually, I'm kind of sugarcoating her words; she didn't exactly call me a "monster", if you know what I mean. Actually, since she said some pretty nasty words, from now on, I'll just exchange every bad name for a cute one to keep this away from mature rating. "You rainbow, marshmallow daughter of Aphrodite, I hope you cotton candy in bubbles and get your daisies mistletoe at a sparkly star!"

"Oh, stop complaining and just wash your hair already!" I told her, handing her the sachet once again. This time she snapped it out of my hand. I smiled and sing sang before leaving the cabin: "I'll be waiting right outside, make sure you shampoo twice and massage these roots, ok?"

"TINY PUPPIES!" She protested once again.

"Get over it!"

As I waited for her outside (every now and then asking if she had already shampooed the second time), I wondered what had made her not hit me. I mean, I know she has father issues but enough for her not to hit me? Was she possibly scared of Ares somehow? I mean, we are all a bit scared of him but still…Clarisse never fears anything.

I checked myself in the mirror and thanked the Gods for my cleverness to always use waterproof mascara. I sighed happily as I drew my fingers through my wet hair. This was working, this was finally working. Not only had I managed to approach Clarisse La Rue as I had forced her into a conversation with me and got her to wash her hair with the right products.

"Clarisse La Rue is my bitch." I murmured to my reflection and I straightened out my shirt. "I rule."

"I CAN HEAR YOU, BUTTERCUP!" I heard the door open and looked behind me; she was wrapped in a towel again. "There, I've done."

"Yes, you can already see the improvement!" I said with a smile. "But did you…?"

"I shampooed twice." She said rolling her eyes at me and walking toward the mirror (and not bothering to even glance at it at least once, how weird!). "Now, are you done with me or is there something else you feel the need to force upon me?"

"I haven't even started yet, _twerp_!" I said in an impersonation of her voice. She didn't find it funny, she didn't find it funny at all. I scratched the back of my head, feeling rather guilty. "Look, Clarisse, we obviously started the wrong way, I'm sorry if I drove you to the wrong conclusions about me, I truly just want to help and…WHOA! What's that in your hand?" This time, it wasn't fiber killing shampoo, it was a Swiss army knife, you know, the type that comes with tons of different sharp objects! "Father Issues!" I yelled again, covering my face with my arms but Clarisse didn't even go for an attack, she just stared at me in disdain:

"Never mind, it's not like I have any time to beat you up today, I'm already going to be late for the fight, thanks to you." I breathed out in relieve but it was too soon to celebrate, she soon did something almost as bad as hurting my face: she cut her own hair.

Mulan style.

"What are you _doing_?" I asked in pure agony. "You just used a Swiss knife to cut your own hair, just look at it; it's already pointing to ninety different directions!" She kept cutting it as if I hadn't said anything and, without looking at me, she answered:

"It's for the fight. Chris is stronger than me physically but he's not as good a fighter; however he's much faster and has some seriously tricky moves. I f I had long hair, he'd have that as his advantage."

"Couldn't you simply put it under a freaking bandana like you always do?" She looked at me as if she hadn't thought of that at all and then went back to massacring her hair. "Long hair is hard to keep and it keeps getting in the way." She then faced me. "Can I have my clothes back now, please?"

"No."

"What? I've already washed my hair. _Twice_!"

"I'm not fashion police, Clarisse, I have other – far more important –reasons to be here talking to you. Now hand me this swiss knife and I'll grab my hair cutting scissors from my tote bag right here and give your hair a second chance in life."

"Who walks around with hair cutting scissors?"

"Who takes a swiss army knife to the shower?"

"Ugh." She sat on the sink and kept her head down so I could fix her hair. "This better not take long."

"It won't; I promise you." I said as I started stroking my fingers through Clarisse's thin hair, its texture was so different from what I had imagined or maybe it was my shampoo working miracles. "Don't you love how your hair smells? It's peach, my favorite fruit."

"It's too sweet." She pointed out. "Plus, this is all useless information; I don't see how knowing your favorite fruit would ever be important to me."

"I was only trying to be _nice_! Haven't you heard of conversation openers?" I defended myself as I used all my will not to leave a bald spot in the middle of her head. "You know, some people like to actually have friends!"

She didn't say anything after that and neither did I, maybe I had been a bit too harsh.

"You know, I think we are very alike…You and me, I mean." Her eyes appeared between her bangs, a look of complete disagreement on them. "I'm not saying we are _twins_, alright? Just listen to me!" She scowled but I kept going:

"You know how they say that there's a thin line between love and hate? That's because love and hate are the two most similar feelings ever; I think you tried to tell me the same thing earlier, your own way…"

"No, what I tried to say was that you're a pathetic person who enjoys creating conflicts just so you feel more special and wanted…"

"I'll choose to ignore that. Now, as I was saying, love and hate are both passionate, consuming feelings that will eat you alive day and night until you feel like you're too small a person to keep all that inside of you." I used the scissors to measure the two sides of her hair.

"And that's why I think my mother likes your father so much; you are often saying how much your father is a fearsome father, that he's not afraid of anything, that he doesn't mind getting hurt if that leads to him getting what he wants…Isn't that what my mother is all about as well?"

She opened her mouth to say something.

"A clever argument right now will only delay things further, don't you think?" I told her with a winning smile and she gave up. "Love is all about getting hurt and suffering all sorts of pain all in the name of one simple goal. To be able to love means to be fearless and not to care about what anyone might say or do and, above all things, is to be able to jump head first in what's possibly the most dangerous battle of all; a relationship. We can cure physical pain with medicines but once your heart gets broken it never sets itself the same way again."

"Gods, you sound like a Barry Manilow song."

"I'm ignoring that as well. Clarisse…" I started to comb her hair with my fingers. "Don't you agree with me at all? Don't you think that love and hate are very similar?"

"I do, of course I do. That's common knowledge; I just don't agree with that meaning we are similar as well. You're not love and I'm not hate therefore…Can I have my clothes back?" She said standing up. I took a deep breath:

"I know, ok? I know you are not but just look at what I'm trying to tell you…We are both children of fearsome, passionate Gods, we are both moody, unstable overachievers and perfectionists! Can't you see we are like two sides of a same coin?" My voice was failing me now, I sincerely wanted to get to her at least in some level but that egg was never gonna hatch.

"We…are." She said as if she was surprised by her own words. "Can I have my clothes now that I've agreed with you?" Tears of frustration started pouring from the corner of my eyes. "Why are you crying, weirdo?" She asked, her ears getting pink. I started crying a lot more after that cause the reality of the whole thing just hit me like a drunken Pegasus hit the clouds. I had just invaded Clarisse La Rue's shower, forced her to double shampoo her hair, hidden her clothes and cut her hair; I was a monster. A crazy, psycho, shower invader monster.

"I'm sorry!" I said between sobs. "I'm so sorry for doing all this, I just wanted…a friend, you know? Most of the girls from my cabin are just shallow people and you, you really are a lot like me even though you don't see it and I…I…" I couldn't talk anymore, I just kept on sobbing. "Here," I kicked a piece of wood under the sink "take your clothes back and go kick…" more and more sobs "Chris ass." Clarisse silently took her backpack from me and went inside one of the cabins to get dressed; I kept on crying until she was out again. She looked at her reflex in the mirror and said:

"I look nice."

"Uh?" I was so shocked my tears even stopped rolling for a second.

"My hair looks nice." She said shrugging and avoiding my eyes. "I won't hit you for what you did today because…The hair does look cool and I suppose the peach smell thing isn't that bad so, relax. No hard feelings." I smiled at her; all in all she was trying her best to make me more comfortable. I lifted my arms and she put her hand on my face. "Uh,uh. No hugging, we had too much body contact already today." I giggled.

"And…about what you said…" She said with a very serious expression. "About being able to dive head first into a relationship and how owning up to your own love being a tough task…You're right. I didn't say anything but you're right: I do like someone."

"I knew it!!" I said, my smile so big, the tears got sidetracked.

"Yeah…" Her voice changed as she stared at her own feet, blushing. "I couldn't help it, you know? He's strong and brave and he has such a sense of honor and pride; I like him since the first time I laid my eyes on him." I was close to a seizure now all due to adrenaline rush. That was the most glorious moment of my young life so far; I had finally achieved my goal to get Clarisse La Rue to open up and tell me all about her feelings.

"You should see his leading skills…They make my knees go week…"

"Is that so? What's the most amazing thing you ever saw him do?" Yes, girlfriend, tell me all! Before you realized, we will be painting each other toenails and watching Gilmore Girls reruns!

"Oh, there was this one moment when he spoke to his soldiers about the importance of fighting and said that even if they died, it'd all be in the name of the land and how they'd have dinner in hell that night…"

"What?"

" Also, I'm pretty much a sucker for that "This is Sparta!" yell and the awesome kick…"

"Who are you _talking_ about?"

"King Leonidas, of course, my long time girly crush."

"You're _mocking_ me! What about Chris?"

"Oh yes!" She punched the palm of her hand. "I'm gonna be late! Thanks for the reminder." She smiled and put her backpack over her shoulder, before turning around to leave. I started following her.

"That's not what I meant! What I mean is…" She turned back to face me.

"Oh, by the way, I said I wouldn't hit you…" She pushed me inside the bathroom again. "But I didn't say I wouldn't get revenge."

"W- what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about my copy of the master keys, Beauregard." She said shaking a keychain in front of me. "You have natural curly hair, right?"

"Y…yeah."

"Well, enjoy the effects of natural hair dry in a humid environment,_ sis_." She disappeared behind the door and I heard a "click".

"C-Clarisse?"

"You better hope for Chase or Gardner coming for a shower soon, you know?"

"No, Clarisse, you can't leave me here!" I said as I smacked the door trying to make as much noise as possible. "This is madness!" I heard Clarisse laughing from the other side:

"Funny you'd say _that_."

"I hate you, La Rue, I _hate_ you!"

Three hours later, during dinner, I walked straight towards Chris who was surrounded by other Hermes' cabin campers.

"Your pet _sociopath_ locked me in the bathroom!" His eyebrows rose so high, he looked like a "Cirque du Soleil" artist. "I'm lucky Katie Gardner needs to shower whenever she goes to the strawberry fields which is like, all the time or else, I'd still be there when my hair got so high it'd hit the roof!"

"Ouch." He flinched. "Suppose your Aphrodite Sense wasn't working so well, uh?"

"No, I'm sure it was. I have Clarisse completely figured out; I just can't get her to listen to me and to open up, if I only knew how…hey! You have no new bruises, did you win the fight?"

"Sort of." He shrugged. From the Ares table, I heard someone yell:

"It was not a victory!" I recognized Clarisse's fist shaking in the air. "You cheated!" Chris laughed.

"How could you cheat? She even cut her hair for the fight, you had no advantages!" He gave me a mischievous smile before leaning forward and whispering to me:

"You wanna get Clarisse to listen to you? Then do what I do; find her weak spot and use it in your favor; she's not used to this sort of approach, she'll mess up everything and get too lost to fight back."

"I tried that today already, Chris, it doesn't work. She just went on and mocked me and kept asking for clothes back…"

"_What_?"

"Forget it…" I rolled my eyes and turned around but he followed me.

"I mean it, Silena, all you have to do is insist, she'll always act as if she's hating it, that's the inner Kraken work; try to get pass that." I gave it some thought and shrugged:

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to insist a little more…" Or maybe find something to blackmail her with. Yes, I'm definitely going for blackmail from now on. Will start research tomorrow.

"Oh, it would. It totally would but it'd still be worth it. "I raised my eyebrow at him:

"How did you manage to win the fight then?" He laughed out loud.

"She was right, you know? I am still too weak to compete against her, she tackled me to the ground easily enough and kicked me on the knees…It hurt like hell. Next thing I knew, she was keeping me to the ground by the wrists and starting the count down."

"Oh no…"

"I tried struggling at first but she was just too angry at me, she wouldn't stop; she was using all of her strength to finish the fight as soon as possible but then, I used my biggest weapon."

"You kissed her, didn't you?" I said willingly. It's always like that in teenage moves when there's a love/ hate relationship between the couple.

"Ew, no!" He said. "I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"Then what did you do?"

"It doesn't matter. All you need to know is that she suddenly stood up without finishing the count and mumbling something about how fighting with me was so boring she wouldn't even prolong it anymore. Beckendorf almost had a heart attack when she didn't punch me or anything."

I ignored his comments on Beckendorf:

"What did you _do_? I have no interest in fights at all; I just wanna know what you did!" He smirked at me.

"I smiled at her and there, in front of a bunch of people I said as loud as possible: "I've always liked your hair shorter, you know?"" My jaw dropped.

"And you survived that?"

"Totally! I'm telling you, weak spots; go for the weak spots, girl!"

"You're right, Chris! Now, if you excuse me, I'll go tiptoe into cabin 5 and steal something from Clarisse that I can use to blackmail her into being my friend." He looked at me with an admiring expression and put his hands on my shoulder:

"And I hope you get out of it alive, soldier!"

**A/N:** _And yes, next chapter we finally get some of Clarisse's POV. How did you like this chapter? I'm sorta of proud of some parts; tell me what you think, ok?_ _Also,_ _the story is now approaching the Bronze Dragon tale so there'll probably be a lot more Beckendorf from now on. _


	5. Chapter 4

**Calamity Clarisse**

**A/N: **_Funny how, of all chapters, I find Clarisse's POV to be the most romance- centered so far. LOL This was the hardest chapter to write to so far and I'm tired as hell so I won't check all the spelling and grammar right now, I hope you can make sense out of it and enjoy it. Hope you guys like it and please, please review. Your reviews ARE what keep me writing. The more reviews I get, the more I write, I wish I could be noble and write out of the good will coming from my heart but nay, nay – I'm just one of those people. _

_P.S.: Anyone still remember moody Chris swimming among the naiads? This chapter holds the answer._

**Chapter 4: **The Universe Seeks to Irritate Me

"_I remember when you and I were a nation/ I could trust you in any dark situation." The Bangles - Restless_

I just _hate_ people.

I don't really mean to hate anyone but it's not like the people around me make the task of being nice towards them easy.

Evidence number one being Silena Beauregard, I wonder if that girl even realizes we are in the middle of a war here. All she does is follow me around and take notes on a piece of paper with a flurry pink pen – I'm not sure my father would be fond of me hurting one of his "beau's" children so I really just try to avoid her what, by the way, has been becoming a harder and harder task every time since, as it seems, the girl – besides being completely clueless – is also lacking all sorts of scruples as she once forced herself into my showering cabin.

Yeah. _Good _times.

Evidence number two is Percy Jackson; man, I _hate_ Jackson! Actually, it's not Jackson I hate exactly; it's just what he represents. Truth be told, he isn't all that annoying, I suppose that – hadn't he being so irresponsible and if he didn't get credit for doing the right thing simply out of luck, I might not have an urge to punch him whenever I saw the twerp's face.

Sometimes I think he's maybe a little like me in more aspects than the fact that we are both girls – but what really _annoys_ me about Jackson is how he doesn't seem to be even slightly concerned about what's about to happen, he doesn't take anything seriously.

I mean, just look at the facts: There's an Evil Titan Lord outside somewhere, recruiting all sorts of evil creatures and prepared to do whatever it takes to destroy Olympus and take over the world; reality and the universe as we know it are all depending on the war we are fighting _right now_ and just last morning I saw Percy playing tag with some dryads and_ losing_ at least six times in a row. Have I mentioned the dryads were in their tree forms?

Yes, there's a titan lord trying to take over the world, a war happening, innocent people dying and the person expected to take an important decision and save (or destroy) the world is still losing races against vegetables – face the doom ahead of us.

Now, on the subject of irresponsible fools, we can now see evidence number three; Chris Rodriguez.

Usually I wouldn't mention Chris at all as I consider him one of the few people in the world I don't really feel like throttling as soon as they start to speak but ever since he got "back from the almost dead", it's like he's a completely different person. All the things I used to enjoy about his company started to annoy me to no end. Almost as if they had rearranged into a different shape and now they didn't fit as well in him as they used to.

If you have a shield made of iron, it will defend you however, if you lose your sword, you can still use your shield to attack your opponent on the head, you know? That's how I feel around Chris right now; like all the cool things I thought about him are being used against me at once and the ones that already annoyed me are ten thousand times worse.

I'm not sure how exactly this whole thing started but it was somewhere between him waking up after Mr. D brought him back and the moment the bonfire that night went out because suddenly things between us became all weird. One moment we are all happy and singing campfire songs and the next I'm feeling like I should have just suffocated him with a pillow while I had the chance. Chris and I were good friends – ok, we weren't exactly _"good" _nor were we actually _"friendly"_ towards each other – but we were able to have conversations without any maiming resulting of it, to organize good strategies on "Capture the Flag" and stuff like that – brains and brawl, that whole deal.

I first met him while we were both studying in military schools, a while before I became an year-round camper and, as you can imagine, when you put two pubescent demigods together on the same environment, we had a little incident with a couple of monsters so, even though, we didn't really get to talk to each other after that, once I met him at camp, I was almost glad (in the sense of "I didn't feel like puking") to see he was also going to be here every now and then. And, no matter, how hard I took him down, he always stood up and tried to get back at me – he's one of those extremely stubborn people and I can admire someone who's not afraid of standing up to a person who's obviously stronger, smarter and more skilled than you are. That being me, of course.

I'm much better than he will ever be – seriously, just name the activity, I'll beat him at it.

"That's a lie, Clarisse." He told me, when I first made this remark to him. "You can't beat me in standing up peeing." He had a smirk on his face as he said so; I was around 12 and he was 14. "There's more than this, obviously, but face the facts: even if you were better than me at _some_ things, you wouldn't be able to beat me at that."

"Wanna bet?" I had said. He laughed out loud as he picked some strawberries. "You suck at being a girl, Clarisse; what kind of girl makes a bet on peeing skills?"

"You – wanna – bet?" I said again seriously, he looked at me with an expression torn between amusement and pure shock.

"Ok, then." He sighed giving up. "A drachma if you write your whole name on the strawberry fields." He said rolling his eyes. "And make it cursive letters, no typewriter style."

He still owes me a drachma to this day, I don't nag him about it 'cause I sort of made a satyr do it for me in exchange for a date with a dryad I knew. Still, I did win.

You see, we had a good natured relationship when we were kids – ok, when _I_ was a kid - and now this whole mess with Aphrodite kids entering my showers and Hephaestus' children organizing fights just as an excuse for me to beat him up.

I _hate_ people.

And as if my life wasn't already bad enough ('cause that's just my luck), Chris is acting just as weird as everyone else nowadays; a few nights ago, when I was trying to get ready to sleep (I usually go to bed earlier than everyone else in my cabin but, that night specifically, I was getting back very late after a counselor's meeting to discuss how exactly we would attack the Princess Andromeda) when I heard the noise of someone knocking on wood.

"Who's there?" I said grabbing Maimer and looking attentively to every corner of my room; none of the other Ares' girls had arrived for summer yet (the "yet" being an idea I added in my head every time I thought of them), so the room was empty aside from me (and the sound of my half brothers snoring on the other side of the wall). "Show yourself already!"

I had been sitting on my bed, ready to say my prayers and shut down completely since it was already past my usual bed time but now I was at full alert; I didn't move a finger, holding my spear with both my hands and paying attention at the sounds around me; all I could hear was my breathing now – even the snores had disappeared – I was totally focused on the battle to be:

"Oh, _ahoy_!" I heard someone say cheerfully from under my bed but, before I could even process the words, my reflexes had taken over me and I attacked the source of the sound with one swift strike to the floor, without even aiming for anything physical, just following the sound. Luckily for Chris, he's a very, _very_ fast person. When I finally moved my head to check who had just spoken, my eyes popped in surprise.

Chris' head was the only part of him appearing from under my bed, his eyes wide with surprise – as if he was still assimilating what had just happened – and his mouth partially open in a silent scream. My spear was carved on the floor, less than an inch away from his right ear.

"What the H…?" I started.

""What the Hades?"" He whispered angrily at me so no one else could hear. "_You_ don't get to ask me "What the Hades", I'm the one whose head almost became a corndog!" Another thing I used to enjoy (and now hate) about Chris is how he's always funny even when he has absolutely no intention to. "If someone gets to say "What the Hades", that person is _me_!" I rolled my eyes at his overreaction:

"You were hiding under my bed!"

"Yes, to pay you an innocent visit!"

"At 3 am?"

"Yes!" We were both very angry, still we managed to keep our fighting into a whisper range since we are very aware of just how much of light sleepers Ares' children are (except for me, I'm such a heavy sleeper I could crash at a rock concert and still have a good night of sleep). "I came by to say hi and talk to you and stuff like that, you know?"

"At _three_ am?" I insisted and he rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Clarisse, we have established that it is, indeed, very late in the night, could you please move on with the subject?"

"Who pays people a visit at 3 am?" Like, I would ever do what he asks me to.

"Who goes to bed at night with a 4 feet tall spear on their side?" He snorted.

"I'm a warrior! I have to have my weapon with me at all time!"

"I'm a thief! I have to enter people's houses when they least expect!"

Ok, we both had very good points.

We remained quiet for a while and I started pulling Maimer from the floor while Chris started crawling out from under my bed.

"You're so weird." I said under my breath, my eyes on my spear; he looked at me with his most contemptuous expression as if he couldn't believe I dared calling him weird when I was the one sharing a bed with a huge weapon. "What?" I asked scowling. "You are."

"Whatever." He said, finally standing up and inhaling deeply. I glared at him, one of my eyebrows raised. He was wearing pajamas, or jogging clothes – I can't really tell the difference in his wardrobe - and he just stared back at me with a smirk on his face as if he was waiting for me to say something. "Aren't you gonna invite me to sit down?"

Was he even for real? I thought back then; what kind of weirdo sneaks into a girl's bedroom and just asks if they are gonna be invited to sit.

"No, I won't." I answered bluntly and he just laughed which only enraged me more. "What are you doing here, Rico Suave?" It was my turn to roll my eyes at him.

"Rico Suave?" He asked incredulous. "You really work hard on those nicknames." He concluded crossing his arms. "Anyway, can't a guy pay a visit to a friend…"He raised his hand to stop me from speaking "_Even_ if it's 3 in the morning?"

"Go away, weirdo." I said pulling my blankets. "I need to sleep."

"Oh, c'mon, we haven't talked in a while! Talk to me." Tell me, please, how does one take the words "Go away, weirdo" and the act of a person turning their back on them and laying down on their bed as a cue to sit down? Chris managed to do that.

"Go. Away. _Now_!" I said gritting my teeth but he didn't go away at all, he just sat there quietly at the tip of my bed, pouting his lips and rolling his thumbs as if he was silently waiting for me to give up and talk to him. His patience just makes me want to kick him where it hurts. "It's not gonna work, freak, I'm not gonna talk to you."

I kicked him but he didn't even flinch. Actually, as it usually happens when I try to push him away, he just got closer. He turned around on my bed just to face me and raised an eyebrow, losing some of his composure:

"Can't you just act a bit more like a grown-up and stop avoiding me?" This took me by surprise so I did face him and said:

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Well, I've been told that you are."

"Oh, so that's what Silena Beauregard was talking to you for." I said, sitting with my legs and arms crossed and frowning at him. "To trick you into doing stupid stuff like sneaking into my bedroom in the middle of the night."

Coming to think of it, now that I know exactly what kind of person Beauregard is, I'm not surprised at all that she was the one who led an apparently mentally stabilized person into hiding under someone's bed. Those Aphrodite kids are all perverts, I tell you.

"Silena Beauregard has nothing to do with me being here." He said bluntly, sounding unusually serious. "I'm here 'cause I wanted to see you."

I raised an eyebrow at him:

"Ok, it has _something_ to do with Silena Beauregard ideas."

Chris Rodriguez doesn't lie – sure, he joins the titans' army, jeopardizes mortal and demigod lives and doesn't even care about it but he doesn't _lie_. A lot.

"Chris," I said seriously looking him in the eye. It seems like that's all I had to do lately; act serious and worry and worry and worry a little more because, sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who already realized what's about to come and just how unimportant this whole teenage dramas going on at camp will be during a war. "Don't you think I have better things to worry right now than your lingering craziness? Just go to your cabin."

He stared at me for a few seconds and stood up, sighing:

"Alright." He told me halfheartedly, as if he couldn't care less about what he was saying. "Whatever you want." He scratched the back of his head and turned around to leave. "Just one more thing…" He turned back around just to talk to me; he pointed a finger at me and said:

"Grow up."

"Yeah…" I snorted. "_I_'m the one who needs growing up." I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, you are." I used to like the fact that he doesn't lie – just one more thing I've learned to hate. And then, just like that, he vanished in the shadows with his weird getting away skills.

Another thing I hate about him; his ability to leave regardless the importance or meaning of the last thing he says or do before fleeing a place. He never takes responsibility over anything nor does he think it's necessary to give explanations to anyone; no wonder he got passed from military school to military school over the years; he's a _nightmare_!

And, talking about nightmares, I woke up really early today after another awful dream about wars, people dying and prophecies because being a demigod is fun like that! We had yet another strategic meeting at the Big House, so I just showered and made my way to the recreational room even though I was probably two hours early.

As I expected it to be, the room was completely empty; there were scattered papers and blueprints all over the ping pong table with our attack plans, I could distinguish Annabeth Chase's handwriting as well as Percy Jackson's planning - he's not good with ancient Greek so he usually writes stuff in English which can give you a very good idea of what the world would be like if lol cats could really write stuff; I mean there's only so many mistakes you can excuse by using dyslexia, for crying out loud.

I checked some of the plans and rearranged some of the papers 'till I found a smaller blueprint of Luke's ship with side notes written in Chris' handwriting (I recognized it because I had seen it so many times before on paper balls he used to throw at me during Greek Mythology classes that often contained very offensive, obnoxious messages about my hair and face). I smiled at just how precise it was his planning – he had measured the boat rooms and listed some secret passageways the original blueprint didn't register as well as adding just what type of monster was kept where and what demigod was usually assigned to spend the day doing and, if that wasn't enough, he had also written down some calculations about how long it would take for some routes to be completed inside the boat. Beckendorf had prohibited him to go anywhere near the ship again though and, despite how much Chris had hated it, I was silently glad with Beckendorf's decision. Chris would be easily spotted once inside the Princess Andromeda and I'm pretty sure that the demigods in the army would be out for blood if they saw him – I mean, if they even know he has managed to survive the labyrinth. When I think about Luke suggesting Chris to take the trip alone and when I think of Chris accepting the idea without thinking twice, it just makes me so infuriated, I usually crush whatever I'm holding in my hands.

Stupid,_ stupid_ people. A bunch of irresponsible kids acting recklessly just so they can get a satisfying revenge to their teenage angst – that's the cause of this whole war and I'm the one who gets called a barbarian.

Don't get me wrong, I love wars, I've been waiting for the opportunity to be in a real confront ever since I got my hands on my first piece of pointy object but there's something that people don't seem to get about us war kids – and sometimes I think even my own siblings don't realize – no matter how thrilling it is the experience of winning a battle; you have to win it for your own cause and for something that it's worth fighting for and, right now, I just hate the idea of fighting titans over Luke Castellan's little Freudian problems.

I flipped the blueprint in my hand, looking for more information he could have written but all I found on the blank side of the page was a doodle of a girl and a monster, they seemed to be struggling on a fight but, as the monster had the girl's head between its teeth and there were some details drawn with a red ballpoint pen, it was pretty obvious to anyone who saw it that the girl was gonna lose. She was wearing a bandana.

I hate Chris.

I made a ball out of the blueprint paper and tossed it away angrily, crossing my legs on the ping pong table and checking the clock on the wall – we were all supposed to meet there one hour before breakfast and yet no one had arrived. I buffed impatiently – 'cause I'm hyperactive just like everyone else here in this camp so, I'd rather have my nails ripped off of my fingers than having to sit still and wait for people to arrive – and decided I could at least organize the table so we could start the meeting without any delays.

I know most people think we, Ares' kids, are all unorganized but we are all mostly very good with following orders and sticking to a plan – we might not exactly be the tidiest people in the world but we were raised to obey (and lead), so we like to keep things clean and to a minimal so there won't be any distractions.

Wars are messy but that doesn't mean the soldiers get to slack on their organization so we are organized people.

Well,_ I_ am organized; Sherman and Mark (my two half brothers who are also year round campers) are not. I swear to you, they probably have a corpse or two hidden somewhere under those pile of clothes on their side of the cabin; it's the only thing that could probably explain that smell.

Anyway, I kneeled on the floor to grab some of the papers scattered around the table – Athena and Hermes' children; if you like a tidy home, keep away from these people – and, guess _what_ I find taking a nap _under_ the ping pong table.

At least he was here early. Or maybe he just didn't go back to his cabin at all and just spent the night in here which is much, _much_ more likely.

"Unbelievable." I whispered to myself, shaking my head from side to side and rolling my eyes. But, as I reached out I got a glimpse of him sleeping and, for some reason I was a little dazzled by memories of better times when he was in a coma at my house in Arizona, almost never speaking and all that.

Ok, those weren't _better_ times, but we were close back then and he didn't act all weird like showing up at my bedroom in the middle of the night, talking to Aphrodite children and making sketches of me being killed by beasts – not that the last part offended me or anything; it was just weird, anyway – I preferred when he just told me I would end up being eaten alive, instead of drawing it when I wasn't even around to see it.

So, I watched him and sighed because this was different then watching him sleep while he was sick; before, I was taking care of him and worried he might die and now I was just watching him sleep peacefully but – even though I knew Mr. D had cured him – I couldn't help but to be afraid he'd start screaming for help while he was still dreaming – it was like a silent torture for me, to watch him breath in and out evenly and unworriedly like he used to do before the whole deal with the Titans had started, I hadn't even noticed I had left my hand hanging in the air above his face as I thought about just how comforting and yet disturbing it was to be on the same situation I was before but in a totally different condition until his eyes popped open and he raised an eyebrow at me:

"What are you doing?" He said it in a way that made the whole thing sound wrong – one of his many abilities, apparently. "Are you going to caress my flawless hair, Clarisse?" He chuckled.

My hand was already hanging above his head so I just let it down at once on his cheek as if I had intended to slap him from the start.

"Ouch!" He yelled in surprise as he tried to sit down under the table (and failed 'cause he was just too tall and kept smacking his head). "Ugh!" he sighed with annoyance while massaging his forehead "Move a little to the side, Clarisse, I need to get out."

I laughed at him – wouldn't you?

"Sure." I said with a grin and moved a little so he could sit next to me.

"That was totally uncalled for." He told me crossly once he was sitting on the floor next to me, looking moody and pale. I felt suddenly so happy – I _enjoyed_ his agony.

"Oh no, it wasn't; you brought this on yourself!" I said smirking and reached my hand to snatch the little ball of paper I had done earlier. "Or do you plan on excusing yourself from this?" I opened the paper and showed him my caricature; his expression changed from anger to guilt in half a second.

"This could be anyone." I raised my eyebrows at him:

"Oh really? Who do you know whose name rhymes with "Clarisse La Poo"? I put my finger right under the title he had given to the drawing. He coughed awkwardly and I knew he was trying to suppress his laughter. "Did one of Stoll brothers help you name this drawing, Chris?"

"If I tell you the truth, will you let them live?" He asked sheepishly and I rolled my eyes:

"Whatever." I tossed the paper away. "I don't even know why I insist on talking to you anyway." I put both my hands on the table right above us and started lifting my weight up as to help me stand up but Chris held my shoulders and forced me to sit down again:

"Now _what_, Juarez?" I said with a grimace.

"You don't get to be mad at me this time." He pointed out matter-of-factly. "You always decide you are the one allowed to be mad at me but this time I have decided I'll be the one to be mad first."

I stared blankly at him:

"_What?" _Maybe - this is something I wonder sometimes - Chris was never sane to begin with; I mean, what kind of person sleeps wherever and whenever they want? That's for hobos and narcoleptics only. This possibility would at least explain why, oh why, must Chris act so weird all the time.

"You heard me." He said. "Last week, you almost killed me and then you said you had better things to do than talk to me; then, two days ago you punched me for no reason at all except the fact that I was trying to _help_ you and, as if that wasn't enough, you kept telling Beckendorf I was too weak to fight yet; I don't care what you think about me but if there's one thing you don't get to be is _right_ in this whole thing. You keep getting angry at me when I should be the one to argue with you all along."

You see? This is exactly what I was talking about and it's exactly why I hate people so much; people expect you to do some things just because it's "convenient" for them. A while ago, before this mess, Chris and I were just fine with being rude to each other and now it's like we are freaking Poland after a war and we have to keep rearranging our relationship territory. I hate this whole "who gets to be right or wrong" deal; who cares about that? Why am I supposed to be nice to him in the first place? I just wanted to get this over with so I crossed my arms at him and said:

"What do you want? An _apology_?"

"Yes, that would be nice."

"Ra! You wish!" I snorted.

"Clarisse!"

"Alright, alright." I rolled my eyes. "I'm so sorry." I added with no emotion at all and he groaned:

"Way to be convincible." He added with sarcasm and I decided I could at least try a little – usually, I wouldn't do that and would just, you know, punch the person into their common sense again but I'm living under this theory that, if I hurt Chris enough to send him into a coma, would be like wasting all the time I spent keeping him alive in the first place, so I've been working my hardest to keep him healthy regardless this intense urge I sometimes face of, I don't know, impaling him with a spear and throwing him into boiling water 'till he looks like fried chicken on a stick:

"C'mon, Rodriguez, you know I didn't want to hurt you." He narrowed his eyes at me with annoyance, so I added: "At least not _emotionally_."

I swear to you, this would've been the strangest, most unnecessary and gayest conversation of my whole life if it wasn't for Silena Beauregard's "shampoo twice" attack last week.

"Ok, then." He said with a smile, like the only reason he wanted an apology in the first place was to see me do something to please him which, believe me, was a very likely possibility. "So I'll apologize about the whole "drawing you dying" thing."

I shrugged:

"I couldn't care less." It's a pride thing. Sometimes (most of the times) I say things just so I can win an argument; I'm a very carefree person – though what people say about my anger management problems may often mislead you into believing the opposite – the thing is, I find most of things in the world of little of no importance at all so, about those things I don't care about, I sincerely don't get pissed at; I have my goals and I'm passionate about them; everything else I fight for, believe me, it's only done for the thrill of winning. "I'm not afraid of monsters; nor dying for that matter."

"Of course you don't care." He added with scorn, acting much like the Chris I used to know and appreciate. "It wouldn't be like you'd be leaving anything behind, right? You don't even have any friends…"

"Wrong." Once again, it was pride that made me say those things. "For your information, I'm so important to some, I even got a proposal from a guy a couple of years ago." He didn't need to know that by "proposed" I actually meant "forced to marry" and by "a guy" I meant a giant Cyclops.

"Oh yes, so I've heard." He said chuckling. "What was his name again? _Polyphemus_, right? I hear he was a _great_ guy; that he couldn't keep his_ eye_ out of you."

My jaw dropped:

"Who told you?"

"Bachelor number 1; Grover Underwood. He used to date a dryad from a tree I usually take naps under. She told me it all." Stupid Percy Jackson and his friends keep getting in my way even when they don't_ try_ to. I think Chris thought I looked funny whatever expression I made because he laughed and then said. "Serious competition I get, right? I disappear for a year or so, and before I can realize, you are already getting proposals."

My cheeks burned and I felt all the blood running to my head in a way I was not used to.

"_What?"_

Before anyone could say anything, I heard a voice yelling loudly from somewhere behind us:

"CLARISSE! CLA-RIS-SE?" They weren't saying my name – they were _singing_ it. And it wasn't even the right pronounce; it was the French pronounce, you know? _"Clah – reez"_ - only my mom calls me like that.

Well, my mom and apparently Silena Beauregard because her head appeared under the ping pong table with a huge smile from ear to ear stamped on her face with all the good humor and flawless skin only a perverted daughter of Aphrodite could have at six in the morning:

"Oh, hello, lovebirds, am I interrupting something?" She giggled.

I hate people; some of them for no reason, some of them for personal reasons, some of them just because their faces annoy me but I don't think I ever, _ever_ hated anyone as much I hate this girl.

**A/N:**_Next chapter, some girl time for Clarisse, freaking out for Silena and, unfortunately, probably a lot more of hard work for me. Writing Clarisse is a bitch, I tell you, a bitch. Hopefully, you guys enjoyed the result._


	6. Chapter 5

**Calamity Clarisse **

**A/N:**_ It's HERE! We all thought it'd never happen, but here it is! Please make sure you review and I'll make sure to answer all of your kind, kind, kiiiiind reviews. Remember; they are what keep me writing, so yeah. I'm kinda of blackmailing you all._

**Chapter 5:** _I add a hundred new items to my "I'd rather be dead than doing this" List_

"_We are young__/ We are Strong/ Heartache to heartache we stand/No Promises, no demands/ Love is a Battlefield." _

_Pat Benatar__ – Love is a Battlefield_

Today was a particularly enraging day for Silena to show up and act all crazy on me since we had a counselor's meeting going on and preparations for quests and attacks and still she showed up there and dragged me out of the room with her whining and yapping and her habit of playing with her hair as if that thing is alive or something. I don't usually complain about having Beckendorf as our captain of sorts but when Beauregard uses her power over him to get what she wants, I'm pretty sure we are going nowhere with a boy commanding us.

It started off as I said before, with me walking into Rodriguez and with Rodriguez getting all girly about my attitude towards him (which, I repeat, hadn't changed at all since the good days when we were each other's archenemies slash best friends) 'till we were both interrupted by Beauregard and her squeaky voice singing my name and saying:

"Oh, hello, lovebirds, am I interrupting something?"

As I saw her face popping under the ping pong table, I immediately turned my head to Rodriguez:

"Kill me. Now. Please." He stared at me with both his eyebrows raised and looking a little baffled:

"What?"

"C'mon, don't act like you never considered the possibility. Just choose a weapon of your taste and kill me with it. Make it quick. Or don't, whatever; I can take the pain. Just kill me."

He gave me the smile I knew he saved for his most sarcastic comments:

"As tempted as I am by this offer, Clarissa, especially 'cause it's like totally not freaking me out to hear you say that or anything," He often called me "Clarissa"; it used to annoy me senselessly when I was younger. I guess I ended up getting used to it after years of torment but he kept doing it out of habit even after I stopped trying to rip his vocal cords with my nails every time he called me that. "I don't think it would do any good to my image right now to kill someone. After the Titan Army incident, I might want to lay low for a while in the whole senselessly murdering people thing, you know? It will be though, of course, but I'll just have to let it pass this time."

I narrowed my eyes at him:

"Well, then you're now officially useless, aren't you?"

"Why, thank you." He smirked. "This means a lot coming from the person who once called me in the middle of the night 'cause she couldn't find her way back into cabin 5!"

"I was twelve and the woods are tricky! I didn't know anyone else at camp and you're like a human GPS!"

"You weren't even in the woods! You were already somewhere in the way to Manhattan!"

"Hm…guys?" I thought I had heard Silena say something but I was too angered by Chris' low blow. Bringing up the one moment in my life I had asked him for help! If I was any less honored, I would so rub the labyrinth thing in his face.

"I was trying to improve my combat skills by studying the camp location!" I defended myself and Chris' rolled his eyes.

"The "camp location" was already _miles_ away! I picked you up at a _Domino's_!"

"Hey, guys, why don't we like…try to calm down and stuff?"

"Yes but you weren't complained when I had to pay for your pizza, were you?"

"For your information, I could have easily paid for that myself."

"Ra!" I snored.

"I sure could!" He replied offended. "I picked the waiter's pocket the moment I got inside!"

"Guys, seriously, this is not how friends should behave, you know…" Silena's attempts at making us shut up weren't helping at all, if anything, the yapping was only angering me more. "Honestly, this isn't how _adults_ should behave! You two are way too grown-up to be bantering like spoiled little bra…"

"Shut up, Beauregard!" To my surprise, both, Chris and I, said the same thing at the same time without even darting our eyes from each other's angry glares. I hardly ever hit Chris' nerves so whenever I got him mad enough to get into some real fighting, I would enjoy every little second of it as if it was the last.

Don't judge me; I just said people around me were weird, I never said I was _normal._

"You're such a girl."I mocked him with a smirk. "Getting all touchy over every little thing I say." I could be wrong but, for a second, I could swear he was enjoying our argument as much as I was:

"Of course I'm a girl." He gave me a smirk of his own. "One of us _had_ to."

My smile disappeared; for some reason, his last words had pierced through my chest in such a painful way it didn't even occur to me to get mad so, instead of a clever comeback, I found myself saying:

"I _am_ a girl."

He scoffed:

"Are you sure? 'Cause I've seen girls before and they look _nothing_ like you."Suddenly, the argument wasn't fun anymore.

"Clarisse, Clarisse, stop!" I vaguely heard Beauregard yelling from somewhere around us. "Let go of Chris' neck!" I could feel something scratching my back slightly, I think she actually attempted to hold me back but she was too weak to be a bother; so, upon realizing this, she gave up and started walking around us, on her knees trying desperately to get me to stop, eventually looking for a moment to put her hands between us but too coward to actually move:

"Stop, Clarisse, stop! Bad Ares' daughter, bad! No treat for you!"

I tuned her voice out and focused on Chris' face that was now turning into a distinctive shade of reddish purple. I let go of his neck and pinned him down on the floor while he was still recovering from the semi unconscious state my choking had threw him into. Once I had his wrists in my hands and his legs between my knees, I took three deep breaths, trying to calm myself down just to make sure I wouldn't kill him because of, you know, that thing I said before about wasting my time saving him.

I had no idea what had made me so angry at the first place but this kind of outburst was no surprise to us, children of Ares. I'll admit I was a little shocked the first times it happened, like when I was four and broke all of my babysitter's teeth (which ended up being a good thing since it turned she did happen to be a monster trying to eat me), but around the third time I sent someone to the nurse's office just because they refused to share their pretzels with me, I was totally used to it.

Chris' color was starting to go back to normal and he didn't seem as startled as before so it wasn't a shock when he first attempted to set himself free. I had to put a lot of strength on my grip because, if there's anything Hermes' children _can_ do, this thing is running away. The more he struggled, the more I tightened up my grip, like an octopus. I watched his face with amusement until he growled in frustration and rolled his eyes angrily:

"Shouldn't we be wearing masks and obnoxiously colored outfits to do this?" I chuckled at his frustration and that seemed to annoy him even further. "Great, Clarisse, you have successfully proved you're still a better fighter than me, especially when you use the surprise factor to, you know, make me _faint_!" He narrowed his eyes angrily at me. "Now, if you're going to beat me up, could you just cut the crap and do it already? I hate being restricted and this pinning down thing is really uncomfortable."

Even in my current state of mind, I was able to manage a smile (that, I suppose, he mistook as arrogance). The one thing I hadn't stopped liking about Chris was how he's never afraid of pain.

He never sugarcoats anything, nor does he delay telling people the truth because he's afraid of the consequences. He's true to himself and upfront (sure, that's a part I have learned to hate _a little_ –especially when it's used against me). He never lies or deceives people, he'd rather just solve the problem straight away regardless how painful it could be to him.

If the Oracle ever did a prophecy destined for Chris, I bet he wouldn't be wasting his time waiting for his fate to be decided for him, playing tag against dryads (like some _other_ people I know) –no, Chris would making sure he'd be as prepared as possible for when the real fight started, 'cause that's the sort of person he is. He never looks for the easy way out.

"_Or_ you can simply stay there and stare at me without saying anything for hours like you're doing now. Whatever you want, creep." His sarcasm brought me back from my trance and I cursed under my breath for getting so distracted. I kept ignoring Silena's pleadings:

"Say you're sorry!" I demanded and his eyes widened in surprise before narrowing with malice:

"No." He replied stubbornly. "I'd rather just get punched, thank you."

"Just –say –you're –sorry." I repeated gritting my teeth. Chris smiled:

"Nope."

I breathed in and out again, doing my best not to rip his head off. He had no idea just how dangerous I was at that moment. I spoke again, this time on a lethal whisper:

"I'm a _girl_!"

Chris breathed out slowly as if thinking about what to say next but before he could even speak, another of Beauregard's comments interrupted him:

"You guys do realize how awkward the position you two are is, right? I know wrestling is like your thing and stuff…but this whole "pin down and exchange glares" deal just _screams _UST to me."

Chris turned his face to look at her:

"That's really not the time, Lena." Lena? He calls her _Lena_? I had no idea what they were talking about whatever UST stood for – maybe it was one of those stupid girly make up brands like that one she had mentioned the other day with a Y and a L on it; or that stupid thing she used to say we'd be good friends…what was it? _BFF_? Silena Beauregard lacks the ability of putting two sentences together in a way that they make sense…I think it's not within her brain capacity or something:

"What are you doing here, Beauregard? Don't you have some mascara to apply or something?" She rolled her eyes at me:

"_As if_ I'd ever leave my cabin without mascara on, Clarisse. Your innocence offends me!" She chuckled.

"You _existence_ offends me." I said under my breath. "So I guess we are even."

At this, Chris tried taking advantage of my distraction to flee but I kept him where he was.

"No way, mister. You don't get free until you do exactly what I tell you to." I told him with a winning smile. "So you better start obeying."

"Gods, Clarisse!" Silena snorted. "You might as well just put on some leather clothes and get yourself a whip. You're making _me_ blush." I looked at her again:

"What the Hades are you talking about, Princess?" To my surprise, Chris chuckled and I immediately turned my eyes to him. "You understood her?" The two of them exchanged glances and then started laughing together which made me feel a burning sensation in the pitch of my stomach for no reason at all. It wasn't a feeling I was used to, it wasn't new –but I had only felt that once before and it was like anything else I usually felt. It wasn't anger; still it was very uncomfortable and made me want to break things.

I could feel a bitter taste in my mouth and the blood in my head felt like it was boiling. I recognized the sensation from only once before; when I stood in front of the Oracle after hearing my prophecy for the first time and knowing that I'd fail. It felt worse than humiliation or betrayal – it was hard to explain. I had always known that, being a girl, I'd never be the child my father wanted to have – Ares' daughter hardly ever made him proud – but as I received my first quest and accepted the mission to bring the Golden Fleece back, I knew I had a shot at proving myself, that I was good at fighting and that no matter what monster appeared, that I'd maim it, kill it, slay it or whatever it took for me to get there…I was gonna prove myself worthy because I had the skills.

But then, the Oracle said I'd fail and I felt abandoned by the one thing I had total confidence in. The one thing I took for granted, failed me.

So, all in all, it made absolutely no sense for me to feel the same way just by watching Chris and Silena sharing a joke I couldn't understand.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Beauregard said abruptly upon seeing my face. She stopped laughing immediately. "I'm really sorry." She told me again and I could tell she was reading a lot more into my expression than what I was letting out. "Chris, shut up!" She told him with a hispid voice I had never heard her use before and that got him quiet almost immediately.

"Aw, why?" He asked sounding disappointed. "I was having fun!" He protested.

"Just apologize to Clarisse so we can end this whole thing as soon as possible!" She told him matter-of-factly.

"I don't need you telling him to apologize to me. I can do that on my own!" then I turned to him. "Just apologize to me so we can end this as soon as possible!"

"Never." He insisted. "'Cause I'm not sorry at all…" He made a pause. "_And_ I still think you're not a girl!"´

It took me less than three seconds to move one of Chris' arms closer to the other so I could hold them both down with just one hand. He knew exactly what I was going to do 'cause he scowled and said:

"Oh, c'mon, dude! Do you even know how hard it is to fix it after you're done with it?"

I chuckled:

"If you like it so much…"I said raising my free hand threateningly. "I'll give you one last chance to apologize before I start."

He stared at me, weighing the possibilities and then inhaled a big amount of air to gain courage.

"Whatever; just bring it on."

"Clarisse, what are you going to…?" Before Little Miss Expensive Shoes could say anything else, I grabbed Chris's hair and started pulling and pushing his head against the floor repeatedly. Next to me, Silena let out a girlish little squeak:

"_Clarisse!_ You can't do that; you're going to damage his brain!" She was quiet for a second, rethinking her last line and then added: "_Again!"_

"Don't worry about it, Beauregard." I said with my eyes still focused on causing Chris pain.

"I doubt it can get much worse than what it is already."

"Besides…ouch!" Chris started to say whenever I pulled his head up. "It's not like…ouch! I'm not used to it…ouch! By now….ouch!" Considering that he even managed to give her a reassuring smile, I really think he was getting used to it; I should probably come up with something new the next time.

"Enough chit-chatting, Betty!" This was actually an Ugly Betty reference but I don't think he got it, given the situation and all. "Now say you're sorry!"

"Didn't you just tell me to shut up? Make up your mind, La Rue!" I grunted and pulled his hair so strongly, Silena yelled:

"For crying out loud, Chris! Just tell her you're sorry already; she's gonna _kill_ you!"

"At least I'll die with my dignity!"

"_What_ dignity, Chris? You're getting beaten up to death by a _girl_!"

I held his head up to give him a chance to listen to Silena's surprisingly wise advice but all he did was look from her to me and then to her again before saying:

"Now, now, Lena, we both know I'm getting beat up by _Clarisse._ And_ it_ does not qualify as a girl."

Silena smacked her head. I shoved his face against the floor:

"_DIE_!" I screamed as I kept doing the same thing again and again. "Die, die, die!"

"You're right, Clarisse." He taunted whenever he got a chance for air. "This is such a girlish thing to do!"

"I'm a girl! I'm a girl!"

"Are the two of you always like this or you just enjoy putting me in this type of situation?" Silena was now checking her manicure. "I mean, there _has_ to be a reason for this kind of thing to happen whenever I'm next to you."

"It happens naturally." I told her, not bothering to stop torturing Chris while doing so. "You just keep getting involved because you _stalk_ me."

"Yeah." She answered half-heartedly not even bothering to look up (or denying anything for that matter). "That's probably the reason behind it."

"Whoa, stop there, mister!" Chris almost managed to escape, taking advantage of my tiredness after holding him back for so long, but I was just starting. He spun his body sideways as if "unscrewing" himself but I was too fast and crushed his hips with my legs on a move I had just learned, preventing him to go any further. "I already told you, you won't go without apologizing first!"

"Argh! When did you learn to do that?" He asked losing his "cool" for the first time during the fight (if you can actually call me totally crashing him as an actual _fight_). I shrugged and smiled proudly:

"You've been away for a while. Chiron has _cable_ now."

"Gods! Damn that Ultimate Fighting Championship!" He cursed under his breath and I smiled.

"If you think that hurts, wait 'till you see what I've learned during "Gladiator Week" on the History Channel!"

We exchanged looks for a second.

Then he tried desperately to set himself free.

"Stay, stay!" I crushed his hips with enough strength to break a weaker person's bones (but I knew Chris' limits, so I'm sure it didn't hurt him _that_ much) and he yelled in pain. "Ok, now that we're showing ourselves more willing to be cooperative; SAY YOU'RE SORRY!" I crushed him again. "And while you're at it, make sure you say I'm a girl too."

"_What?"_My other request might have really shocked him 'cause he even turned his face to stare at me and ask: "Are you for real? I mean, can you at least acknowledge how ironic it is for you to ask me to say that while you have a foot on my back a hand forcing my head against the floor?"

I shrugged:

"I'm aware, but I'm feeling pretty offended right now and I thought it wouldn't hurt for me to feel a little feminine while teaching you a lesson."

"It hurts _me_."

"Stop whining!" I pressed his cheeks on the floor 'till his lips pouted and his voice sounded muffled. "Now say "Clarisse, you're a real lady.""

"This is _ridiculous_!"

"_Just say it_!"

"What…the…_Hades_…is going on here?"

The three of us looked up from our uncomfortable positions on the floor (well, Chris' was probably more uncomfortable than mine and Silena's, of course) to find a rather confused Beckendorf by the door. He stared from Chris to me than to Silena as if trying to add up how exactly we had gotten ourselves in that situation. "I come here hoping to find the cabin counselors ready for a strategy elaboration meeting and what I actually find is _this_" he gestured towards us and we all stared at the floor sheepishly (well, except for Chris, who couldn't exactly look down). Beckendorf sighed heavily, looking older than he actually was and then, to our surprise, he talked to the wall right next to him:

"And can you tell me why any of you even attempted to stop this madness?" One by one, all the other cabin counselors appeared. My jaw dropped:

"For how long have you been there?" I asked so angrily I let Chris head go (he wasn't expecting it so ended up hitting the floor once again and –that part was actually kind of funny – he sort of bounced once or twice).

"Uh…" Pollux started staring at his feet. "A while."

"How _long_ is a while?" Silena asked.

"A _long_ while." Jackson said.

"Yeah, pretty much around the time you started shoving his head against the floor." She-Jackson completed his sentences as usual. _Yuck_.

"You really shouldn't do that Clarisse." Katie Gardner said without looking up from her flip flops. She was always hesitant around me.

"Yeah, I mean, the guy already went crazy once…" Travis Stoll completed. And, to my surprise, Katie nodded in agreement. They never agreed in anything. I looked down at Chris:

"How come people like you? You're _awful_." He shrugged and pouted his lips:

"I don't know. I'm just cool like that." I buffed and then finally noticed I had let go of his head and hands…a little too late.

Chris spun his body swiftly, knocking me on the floor and pinning me down with almost no problems (not that I'd ever say that out loud). I tried setting myself free but I knew it was no good. When he gets you, he gets you. I glared at him and he smiled from ear to ear like that stupid purple cat from Disney:

"You're right, Clarisse." He said approaching his face from mine just because he knew that made me uncomfortable. "You _are_ a girl."

"Let me go."

"And you fight like one too." He added with another winning smile.

"_Enough of this!_" Beckendorf yelled and Chris laughed quietly:

"Whatever." He said standing up. "I already proved my point, anyway." I followed him suit, ignoring the helping hand he had offered me. I mean, there's just so much humiliation a girl can take.

"Now," Beckendorf started again. "We can finally move on to our meeting and…"

"Er…Charlie, can I talk to you for a minute?" Everyone looked at Silena and, even after Beckendorf dropped all of the papers he was holding, they kept staring at her. I rolled my eyes as the stupid so of Hephaestus simply nodded in agreement and followed her into a corner of the room:

"Great." I cursed to myself and Chris, who had been standing with his arms crossed next to me, said:

"What?"

"She's probably there giving him some sort of excuse to get us out of this meeting."

"Then you're screwed – that guy will do whatever she asks."

"Yeah, but not this time, I'm hoping." Oh and if you are wondering how I manage to talk to Chris like nothing has happened just a second after we almost killed each other, it's quite simple; when you hate everyone, all the time, you find it hard to hold a grudge. It's not that different from what you usually feel, so you just get back to the way you felt _before_ the argument. "He's been hurt lately. With her, I mean."

"Hurt? Why would he feel hurt?" He asked. I actually snickered:

"Seriously? You can't think of a reason at all?" Chris seemed to think about it and I rolled my eyes at his stupidity.

"If you keep thinking this slowly, you'll get yourself murdered." I warned him.

"I'm sorry if I'm thinking slowly." He added with sarcasm. "I have a bit of a _headache_, you know?" He massaged his temples sadly. "Plus, my hair is a mess!"

"Oh, get over it, sissy!" I scowled and Chris never got a chance to answer because Charles Beckendorf approached us and said:

"Ok, Clarisse, off you go."

"_What?"_ I was sincerely hoping Beckendorf would be the key to prevent Silena from ruining my life that day. "Don't you have any pride, dude? Do you simply do whatever this girl asks you to?" He seemed as if he was gonna cry for a second but then he swallowed whatever emotion he was feeling and told me in a cool voice:

"Silena got you two permission to leave camp for the weekend, thus, I have to have you out of here or else, the harpies will attack."

"I can handle the harpies, is you little girlfriend I can't stand!" I told him in a desperate whisper.

"Clarisse, these are my captain orders and you're obeying them!" The thing that made Beckendorf a good leader was exactly how he always managed to cover up his emotions during the crucial moments; it was something I envied –me having such a choleric personality.

I sighed angrily in frustration.

"Ok, _captain_." I said against my will. "I'll do as I'm told to." Silena smiled and jumped.

"Yay! Girl time for us!" she then threw her arms around Charles making everyone around dart their eyes from them (especially the recently awkward Jackson and She-Jackson who couldn't look more uncomfortable at that moment if they tried, a real fun sigh…not). And then she started pulling me out of the meeting room.

"I hope you're ready for our girl time! I have soooo much planned already!" She told me excitedly. I looked back just once and found Chris' eyes watching us. I mouthed the words:

"_Kill –me_." But he just chuckled and whispered something I had to read on his lips:

"Good luck, champ."

* * *

"Boiling slowly in a pan filled with the hottest lava you could possibly find."

"Having my skin peeled off by a potato peeler while the Apollo kids sing famous 80's show tunes."

Some people will say I have some anger management issues, I've heard something like that. Well, let me tell you something straight away so we can all be clear on this one particular topic: I do _not_ have anger management issues.

I can tell you this easily enough because I can state with absolutely no doubt in my mind that I am, for sure, a very self-controlled, well-behaved and, by all means, an entirely Zen person.

I can state it because Silena Beauregard is _alive_.

You see, had I been as hot-tempered as I'm given credit for, Silena Beauregard would now be not only dead but probably also mutilated, carbonated and, if possible, skinned. However I'm a controlled adult who's perfectly capable to manage the urge to do said things, regardless the girl's obvious displays of owning a giant death wish and the voices in my head yelling me to do so. And it's due to my will power (and only that) that Silena not only lives as she also whistles around a stupid song on our way to cabin 5.

Yes, I did say "whistle".

"Climbing Mount Everest while wearing nothing but combat boots and an ACDC t-shirt."

"Clarisse!" She finally seemed to acknowledge my constant muttering. "What are you rambling on so passionately to yourself back there?" She asked with her hands on her hips, trying, I imagine, to impose some sort of authoritarian image. Ha – ha.

"Nothing…" I replied with a scowl. "I'm just randomly listing the things I'd rather be doing instead of, you know, being forced to spend time with you."

She stared at me in silence for a few marvelous seconds during which I thought I had managed to strike a nerve (and, if I were lucky enough, a nerve sufficiently important for her to bleed out and die right there) but, before I could get my hopes any higher; the spawn of Aphrodite just _giggled_ and smiled at me before saying:

"Oh, Clarisse, you're so funny."

You see, "funny" is not a word I get a lot – especially when people are talking about me –so I just stood there, shocked beyond measure, with my jaw dropped and unable to move any further.

"C'mon, let's start moving, right? Chop, chop! We have a whole day ahead of us!" She said walking up to me and putting her arm around my neck (which was rather uncomfortable considering she's more than a foot shorter than me and my spine bent 90 degrees to the front). I grunted as a response but, not surprisingly, she completely ignored me.

We made our way to Cabin 5 in the same stupid position gathering all sorts of looks from the other campers on our way. I made sure to throw my most terrifying glare to each and every one of them as to dare to do as much as make any little comment on what they were seeing. I might have come down as a bit too strongly 'cause I think I saw two or three girls running away in tears just after I put my eyes on them but, then again, it serves them right; they were lucky they got to get out of the situation with just some minor water works.

On the other hand, I suppose I'd have to admit the scene was pretty much as confusing as it could get. So I can't exactly blame anyone for wondering how on earth I had (of all people) become Miss Olympus' shiny new toy. Well, let me just answer to this by expounding one simple thing:

Silena Beauregard is _evil_.

And I'm not talking about the "High School Prom Queen" kind of evil, nor even the "me" type of evil; no, no. I'm talking about the real "Titan Lord wants to rule the world" evil. She might trick everyone with her dumb looking face but don't be mistaken: beneath all that cherry flavored lip gloss lies a cold hearted, manipulative being that can only be the result of a one night stand between Hannibal Lecter and _Malibu Barbie_.

I actually pointed this out to her on yet another attempt of showing just how much I hated the whole situation and all she did was stare at me in silence for a while and then say:

"Don't be silly." She crossed her arms and smiled. "My lip gloss is _mint_ flavored. I like it 'cause it makes my mouth feels funny."

Yeah, and _this_ is the person I'm hostage to; I'm so ashamed of myself right now.

You see, for no apparent reason other than her brain been long ago toasted due the overexposure to the radiation of fake tan machines, Silena seems to have decided the two of us would make perfectly good best friends (an idea I find just as plausible as Tantalus getting a "Father of The Year" award) and, ever since she started with this madness of hers, I've been forced to go everywhere with Rainbow Bright_ literally_ wrapped around my neck.

Assuming you're a sane person, you're probably wondering why exactly am I enduring this instead of, you know, giving Beauregard a "fist full of Clarisse" so I'll explain it to you (since there are many, many reasons besides the fact that the "fist full of Clarisse" expression sounds kinda wrong).

It all started around two nights ago when I entered cabin 5 to pick the new sword I had just received from one of the Hephaestus' kids that morning. I wanted to train a little before going to bed since training is the one thing that kept me from going crazy with adrenaline after I lay in bed and started thinking about the war. To my surprise, I found the cabin's lights all on, which was extremely weird since everyone was out at the bonfire.

I made sure to walk very silently as I tiptoed my way inside the cabin, my fingers tightening their grip on the knife I carried in my pocket and I cursed myself for not having Maimer with me at that moment.

As it usually happens when I feel somewhat threatened, things started to move really slowly as if the atmosphere around me had gotten heavier and time was now struggling to move forward; I watched every corner of the Ares' cabin attentively but the whole place seemed empty. It wasn't until I got to the girl's part of the cabin that I realized what exactly was wrong.

Someone had gone through my stuff.

Obviously, my first conclusion was that it had been an Hermes' kid trying to be funny (it had happened before) and then, more specifically, since they had clearly scoured my locker for something, I concluded it could only have been Chris trying to steal my underwear or something (which had _also_ happened before) but as I gave it a bit more thought, I realized it couldn't have been either of these options. First because Hermes' kids are naturally good at stealing so you usually don't even notice they got into your cabin; they leave everything precisely the way it was and it takes ages until you realize what's missing. Second because all my underwear seemed to be there and the last time Chris stole anything from me, the Mess House woke up with ten new boxer shaped flags (and I never got to see one of my bras again, by the way).

I then started to worry about the invasion as something more serious and decided to talk to Chiron about it but on my way out, a voice called for me:

"Oh, there you are, Clarisse."

And that simple greeting marked the end of my days.

Silena Beauregard walked towards me with a big grin on her face and I could see the one thing I wished nobody knew about on her hands.

"How did you…?" I started but she raised a hand to stop me from speaking.

"My mother sent me a dream." She told me. "I prayed for her today while I was stuck on that bathroom for hours…" As she said that, even in my enraged mood, I fought a snicker that I believe she noticed because she narrowed her eyes at me on what I suppose was a threatening look. "And I eventually fell asleep and she sent me a dream. I didn't understand at first what it meant but then…" She showed me her hands again. "Who would ever guess you'd keep _this_ for so long, right?"

The reason I hated that situation so much was beyond the simple fact that I was being blackmailed by a daughter of Aphrodite. More than hating Silena at that moment, I hated myself for keeping that stupid thing for so long when I knew that I couldn't afford to do that sort of stupidity, when I knew there were so many enemies that could use it against me. I was not supposed to have "personal treasures" that is the sort of thing normal people have, not me.

"What makes you think I can't simply knock you out and get it back?" I said between gritted teeth and she swallowed her saliva, as if trying to regain her courage and said:

"Well," She started and an evil smile crossed her face, a sign she had already found her confidence again. "Because, as I told you, I had a dream."

I snickered:

"So did Martin Luther King and look at what happened to him." She scowled at me and the proceeded:

"Mock me all you want, La Rue, but the fact is that you and I both know that this little piece of cardboard I have in my hands tells me at least three of your biggest, darkest secrets." I breathed in and out slowly, trying my best not to murder her at that right moment.

"Yes, Beauregard, yes, it does. Now will you give it back to me or will I have to make you?" I said, pulling the knife from my pocket. She stared at the blade nervously and then sighed as if she was suddenly feeling really tired:

"I told you before, haven't I? I'm only doing this because I want to be near you, I have no wish of using anything against you. If only you'd be willing to spend some of your time listening to what I have to say instead of trying to murder me…"

"Should I start my countdown again?" I said angrily and she sighed again before staring at me with surprisingly strong willed eyes and saying:

"_No!_ No more good Silena for you, missy!" Yes, the "shower invader" Silena is actually the _"good"_ Silena. "I told you this before and I'm repeating it now; you _can't_ hurt me 'cause even though your father likes to stay out of his children's fights, my mother is always on our side so, if you do as much as to lay a finger on me, be sure that your father will hate you forever." I partially doubted that: I mean, knowing my father, I'm sure that one minute in the same room with Beauregard would be all he needed to decide the world was better off without her from the start but she did have a point after all, so I swallowed my pride.

"So, you're going to blackmail me? Way to prove we can be friends." I said with sarcasm but she blushed and stared at her own feet.

"I have no other option." She said and I rolled my eyes. The whole "I had no other option" is exactly the sort of thing that makes me hate weak people. We always have other options; people are just not brave enough to actually try them. She saw me rolling my eyes and said: "I know what you're thinking: that I'm making excuses for my actions but I don't do that." She sounded so serious I was surprised for a second or two. "I always own up to the things I do; I try to set a good example for my cabin." This had me snoring in contempt. I mean, what's a "good example" for Aphrodite Cabin anyway? Making sure your purse and shoes match?

"You can think whatever you want of me, Clarisse, but as right as you are when you say I don't know you; I'm right to say you don't know _me_,; so, two can play this game and, right now, I'm winning when it comes to control. You can't beat me up and I have your biggest secret in my possession. As far I'm concerned, you belong to me."

You people have no idea how _wrong_ it feels to listen "You belong to me" from a person who has recently broken into your shower cabin, so I just stared at her with both my eyebrows raised 'till she realized what she had said and blushed:

"Ok, that sounded way more awkward than what I had intended it to." She scratched the back of her head, completely forgetting to pose as a villain for a second (she totally sucked on the whole "looking evil" thing). "What I intended to say is that, even though you hate me right now, I know we can make it and that, someday, you will realize that we are both very alike and we will be the best friends in the world. Even if we did start the wrong way with me, you know, disrespecting your privacy and blackmailing you and stuff…" She let out a small, nervous chuckle as if she was still trying to believe she had won. "I know you think we are opposites but that's…That's good! We can be like Jo and Blair, you know? From "The Facts of Life"."

Stupid Nickelodeon! Ever since the first reruns on "Nick at Nite" I've been getting "Jo" jokes all the time. I scowled at Silena:

"Jo and Blair? Are you sure?" She mistook my comment as something positive because she smiled and bobbed her head in agreement:

"Totally. They were super close even with all the bantering, you know?" I chuckled:

"They were big dykes, Silena." She stopped mid-sentence, the leftovers of a smile still on the corners of her mouth. She remained in the same position for a few seconds while assimilating what I had just said:

"No, they weren't." Yes, they were but that was all I got from her as a comeback and it wasn't like I was trying to prolong our conversation any more so I had just shut up and rolled my eyes. And it's exactly the same thing I've been doing ever since; shutting up and rolling my eyes at her as she goes on and on about us being friends or whatever other nonsense she has in mind for the day.

"Here we are!" Today's Silena yelled bringing my thoughts back to earth. We were staring at my cabin's front door.

"What are we doing here?" I asked her. I had been dreading something like this for a long time and even though I had almost no control in whatever freakish plan she came up with, I was still gonna do everything I could to prevent it from happening in front of my siblings; the few people who still respected me at that stupid camp.

"Don't worry silly, we're just here to pack!"

Ok, packing wasn't as bad as I thought, really. Sure it implied I'd have to go somewhere with…_that_, but still it was better than "makeovers" and "fancy dresses" or "makeup". Packing was hardly as bad as what I had in mind.

"And then we are going for a two day spa session at my favorite place!" She added happily, throwing her arms in the air.

My worst nightmare had just come true.

**A/N:**_Finally! Writing this chapter was a bit of a puzzle work so if you find something that looks weird "verbwise" don't be surprised, I wrote and rewrote this tons of times and changed the order of events another ton! The next chapter will come in the speed of light because YAY! It's NOT in Clarisse's POV. Don't get me wrong, she's my fav character but Gods, writing her is worse than hitting your elbow on stuff :( ! Once again the "bra stealing" was a suggestion from AthenaDemi360 on DeviantArt; thanks girl. I'll try updating this once more before getting to the next Sweet and Corny chapter (have you checked it already? It's my other PJatO comedy –go check it nooow). And please, leave a review. It's what keeps me moving. Hard chapters like this one only exist because you people motivate me! :~_

_Next chapter we will be back to Miss Beauregard's POV for one or two chapters and then we are back to Chris…And, by the way, what does Silena have on Clarisse, people, WHAT :O? lol_


	7. Chapter 6 pt 1

**Calamity Clarisse **

**A/N: **_ I'm here! Do I hear a general uproar of joy or what? Lol Ok, guys, this chapter got too long so I split it in two parts what, I'm afraid it might have affected it's humor somehow. I'll be back with part 2 before you can say "Clarisse needs to own up to her feelings already!", I promise. On the mean time though, please read my new favorite story on ffnet: it's a Chrisse story called "Verge", all from Chris' POV and is wonderfully written. I'm actually afraid you'll all give up on this one to cheer for this other story so please don't abandon me, lol. _

_But do make sure you read it, it's quite amazing. Love,_

_Thatu /Clichesbullet_

**Chapter 6:** I'm invited to a Family Reunion (Part 1)

"_Don't be offended by my frank analysis /Think of it as personality dialysis /Now that I've chosen to become a pal a sister and adviser /There's nobody wiser /Not when it comes to popular" – Popular – Wicked Soundtrack_

Look, I'd be lying if I said that I was expecting Clarisse to be all supportive to my cause – that being making her feel pretty and especial thus causing us to create a sisterly bond at some point – however, I _did _expect her to cooperate at least a little, you know?

Hm, yeah, that didn't happen.

* * *

**Saturday/ 8:15 am/ Long Island/ Half Blood Hill/ Camp Half Blood/Ares Cabin:**

"WAKE UP, YOU GIGANTIC BUNCH OF HUMONGOUSLY USELESS BUMS!" For a daughter of the war god, Clarisse was quite…well versed.

"If you were going to yell anyway then why did I have to be discreet?" I told her in an angry whisper since she had basically forced me to tiptoe my way around the bunks filled with sleeping ares children.

"Believe me," She told me while watching her siblings jumping out of bed all at once. "You don't want to be caught sneaking on an Ares' child. Remember that kid from Hermes' cabin that lost an arm a couple of years ago?"

My jaw dropped:

"Chiron told us it had been an automaton that got out of control!" I whispered covering my mouth with my hand. Clarisse smirked and shook her head:

"Nope; good and old Bart over there." She pointed to a tall, bulky, crazy looking dark haired guy on the left corner.

"Oh my gods! How old is he? _Thirty_?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "He's been here for a while. The Hermes' guy thought it'd be fun to spray some paint on his face while he slept…"

"It was the last time he ever pressed a spray bottle." I sighed unhappily.

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen! The guy was left-handed; he only lost his left arm –if you ask me, all left-handed people are just too lazy to learn how to use their right hand." That's Clarisse for you; you're never too old to beat genetics:

"I thought Chris was left-handed." I pointed out. She gave me a slightly surprised look that only lasted for a second before saying:

"Point made."

She then turned her eyes away from me and I followed her. To my surprise, in the short amount of time we spent talking, all of her cabin mates had woke up, got up, tidied their beds and were now standing with great posture next to their respective bed.

"Wow…" I murmured. "If only you guys were this organized when I come here for my weekly inspection." She glared at me and I stared at my own shoes. "Sorry, go on." I said gesturing for her to talk to her siblings.

"Alright, you morons." She started marching as she inspected their appearance up and down. "It's already time for breakfast and still I come here to find you slobs all asleep like this is some sort of summer camp…"

"Uh, Clarisse…" I started but she fusilladed me with her eyes so I just stared at my shoes again and whispered to myself. "It _is_ a summer camp."

"Now, for the next five hours, I want to see of all you commit to your work. Our father counts on us to win this war and we won't get any victories by oversleeping; You'll each have a five minute break now to use the bathroom; then I expect you to run five miles, after that, you're to have a ten minute break for breakfast, after that you're all to start working on the training of attack system number 17. We've gone through the attack strategies way too many times before for you guys to still have any questions so, if anyone here still has any doubts about what I'm talking about, leave this cabin now as Lord Ares holds no intention of ever having a child such as you."

I stood in silence and watched with awe as how everyone in the cabin seemed to absorb all of Clarisse's words with honor and respect; I always had had this image of Ares' kids as bullies and pranksters that enjoyed being obnoxious but now, as I watched their organization and sense of duty, I felt a sudden admiration. The boys marched out the cabin in perfect sync and I expected that at least one of them would throw a dirty comment at me (as they usually did whenever they saw me) but, for the first time, no one said a thing; it was like I wasn't even there.

As the last soldier left the cabin, I turned around to speak to their leader:

"Wow, Clarisse just…._wow_." She raised a puzzled eyebrow at me:

""Wow" what, princess?"

"_This_! I mean; _that_!" I pointed to the door from where everyone had just left. "That was amazing! I never thought you guys were so organized and committed. The way everyone obeyed you and how you handled them was…amazing." She smirked a little and then shook her head. "No, don't be coy! The part about honoring your father was beautiful and the way everyone was informed about the fighting techniques you guys will use is…fantastic." It made me feel pretty bad about being forced to tell everything to Luke later.

Clarisse burst into a heartfelt visceral laughter I had only seem her use when she had just forced someone's head into a toilet.

"What?" I asked shocked.

"Honoring our father; yes, we are all very worried about that but there's no way my siblings were as informed as you think."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean there's no such a thing as "attack system number 17"; I just made that up." She shrugged while her chest still moved up and down with laughter.

"B…but they…."

"They were just too scared of me and of our father to admit they didn't know." She explained. "They'll never admit they don't know to each other so I'm sure they'll soon find _some _sort of training routine to spend the morning working on. It's no big deal."

"You scared them to death!"

"I know."

"For no good reason!"

"Isn't it awesome?" She simply smiled. "Whatever, princess, what I did was keep them out of the cabin while you use me in your stupid experiments. You want to blackmail and humiliate me, that's fine but you won't get to do it in front of my subordinates."

"I think you meant your "siblings"." I corrected her.

"How are these any different?"

* * *

**Saturday/ 8:45 am/ Long Island/ Half Blood Hill/ Camp Half Blood/Inside the Ares Cabin girl's dorm:**

"Just so you know, I'm not going to cooperate." She warned me. "You want to pack, you do it yourself. I'm only taking my emergence backpack." She put one of her arms under her bed and pulled an old denim backpack and patted it twice. "Everything else you want me to take; _you_ put in that suitcase over there." I leaned on her locker with my arms crossed and smirked at her:

"Are you sure? 'Cause I was actually hoping you'd let me pick what you'd get to wear this weekend." I knew I was playing with her pride now. She realized she had fallen right into my trap and sat down straight on the bed with her own arms crossed too:

"I guess I'll watch you anyway, just to make sure you don't steal anything else."

"Great." I said, my smirk growing wider. I turned around and opened her locker (she didn't have to remind me of the combination, of course, I have great memory) and then stared at its contents.

"Ok, let's get this started!" I said clapping my hands and grabbing one of her jeans. "I guess we will need two of these." I turned to Clarisse. "Where are your other jeans?"

She raised an eyebrow at me:

"What other jeans?"

"Oh you know; any other jeans you might have. These look a bit too old and stained; where do you keep your other denim pants?" Clarisse's wardrobe was almost empty; I simply assumed it was laundry day or something.

"I only have these jeans."

The ground beneath me disappeared and I held on to the locker's door so I wouldn't faint:

"You…_what_?"

"The way you're staring at me right now," she told me with a look of scorn on her face. "…one would think I just told you I had murdered all the tiny dogs in the world."

I took a deep breath before answering:

"You might as well have!" She made such a funny surprised yet disgusted face when I said this; that, had the occasion been any different, I'd probably have cracked up. "What kind of person survives with only one pair of shredded, old looking jeans?" I analyzed the pants more attentively. "Oh my Gods! And the holes on it weren't even made on purpose! You didn't buy it like this!"

"Who buys shredded pants?"

"_TRENDY PEOPLE_!" I yelled back at her and, to my surprise, she simply burst out laughing:

"You're so silly, I can't believe you." She said and, for a change, it didn't sound as much as an offense as her other comments. "Who cares if I only have a pair of jeans? I have enough to wear when it's hot and when it's cold; I live at camp, why the Hades would I need to dress up?"

I sighed unhappily and said:

"Every girl needs to dress up every once in a while." Clarisse smirked and laid back on her bed again, her arms crossed under her head:

"Not me." She told me with her eyes back on the ceiling. "I'm totally ok with my camp tees and my camo pants. " She stretched and yawned – I guess even _she_ gets tired every now and then. "I have these jeans for ages, I hardly use them but they still fit. There's no point in owning fancy clothes when I ruin them in battles all the time."

I sighed unhappily again, staring at her almost empty closet with new eyes now that I knew it was actually full:

"Don't be silly; every girl needs to feel pretty once in a while. Even you." She laughed out loud:

"Pretty doesn't win any wars, princess." She told me as she gazed an empty spot on the wall. I don't know why exactly but I guess she noticed my sad expression and – then again, I have no idea why – I think she tried to make me feel better because she said. "Besides, have you seen my size? I'd look like a Cyclops ready to prom in fancy clothes." Her eyes looked lost for a second as if she was remembering something: "And believe me; I speak from experience when I say you _don't_ want to see that." Hm, yeah, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know about _that_. I did, however, smiled at her while I threw her old jeans on the trashcan next to me - this got her out from her momentary good mood:

"Hey!" She said standing up and snatching the pants out of the bin. "I know I said I don't care about clothes but it doesn't mean you get to throw the things I own away like that. I _like_ them."

I smiled at her and patted her gently on the shoulder:

"Well, you shouldn't." She narrowed her eyes at me and my smiled flickered a little. I continued nervously: "I mean, you don't_ have_ to." As she kept staring at me threateningly I tried to fix the situation as fast as I could by explaining:

"I'll get you a whole new wardrobe." She looked absolutely enraged for a second. I got the feeling I had just made a mistake.

"No, you won't." She whispered dangerously, while holding on to the jeans so tightly, her knuckles turned white. I flinched and gave a little step to the left, gaining distance from her before saying:

"Oh, c'mon, Clarisse, makeovers are _fun_! And even the biggest tomboy in the world would love to get some new clothes!" I could feel my skin boiling under her gaze:

"I promise I'll pick stuff you'll like!" Her eyes were now so narrowed, I could hardly see their white. "We can buy you a leather jacket – I bet you've always wanted one of those." I think I was right 'cause she seemed pleasantly surprised for a little less than a second. I gained courage after her reaction:

"_And_ some military jackets and caps, new combat boots…" I was lying out of desperation, of course: combat boots are not only fashion murder; they are like a neon sign saying "I'll never have a boyfriend" stuck to your feet all the time. I've noticed her breathing soothing slowly (even though it was still far from a normal range) and let myself relax against the door of her locker. I sighed, feeling relieved.

That was my second mistake.

Clarisse stared at me with this whole new look at her face, her knuckles returning to their natural

Color as she let go of the jeans; she looked like she was thinking really hard about something, so hard her attention was totally focused on that.

If I were lucky enough, her ADD would kick in soon enough and she'd focus on a stain on the wall of something before reaching any conclusions.

"Who's paying for it?"

I wasn't lucky.

* * *

**Saturday/ 8:48 am/ Long Island/ Half Blood Hill/ Camp Half Blood/ Somewhere inside the North Woods:**

"Do we _really_ have to call her?" I said and Clarisse's response was to stop marching and turn to me with a murderous glare. "Ok, ok; we _obviously_ have to call her."

Clarisse resumed on her march towards the creek. Two minutes later, she stopped abruptly, picked a pebble lying on the ground and stared at it; I assumed she was going to throw it on the water to make a rainbow but she just shrugged and threw it away as if saying "too easy" and turned to face me again. She handed me the drachma she had been holding on to all the way and ordered:

"Throw this and make the offering when the rainbow appears."

"How are you gonna make the rainb…" Clarisse went all Kung-fu on the water, splashing it all over and I could see a thousand little rainbows. "Oh."

"Just do the offering!"

I knew I had advantage on Clarisse due to my blackmailing and stuff but if you had seen her face right then, you'd totally understand why I didn't feel like arguing.

The smoky image of a large American styled kitchen appeared to us and I could hardly distingue the shape of a tall woman sitting by the counter.

I had never imagined Clarisse's mother before –partially because it was too scary a thought – but mostly because Clarisse never mentioned her and I had absolutely no idea what kind of woman exactly did Ares went for. I mean, not wanting to compliment my mother or anything but, once you've had the goddess of love and beauty, is there really anything else left to conquer?

I had talked to the woman before once, exactly two days previously to that as to tell her of my plans. I had used my Blackberry ( which I'm only allowed to use while at camp and that sucks big time) so I had never really gotten to see her face. Our conversation had went something like this:

"Hello there, this is Silena Beauregard; I'm a friend of Clarisse's."

"Really?" The woman sounded _really _surprised, people, no joking.

"Hm, yeah; I've been wondering about giving her a makeover, some new clothes…"

"Say, in a scale from one to a thousand, how much you'd say this makeover thing would bother my daughter?"

"I don't know." I answered. "A thousand?"

"Wonderful! I'll deposit the money right now."

She seemed like a nice person, I guess.

"_You!" _Clarisse spat the words angrily as soon as her mother's face became visible from behind a cigarette.

"Oh, hello there, Clarisse." She said with a smile and a cheerful voice that could only possibly be ironic. "How's my little bundle of joy and hyperactivity today?" Her teeth shone surprisingly white for a smoker between her crimson lips.

"I have no time for senseless chitchat, woman!" Respect your parents, kids; what Clarisse is doing is really, really wrong.

"Can't say I'm shocked." Clarisse's mother rolled her hazel eyes. "You said the same thing when I tried to announce to you that I was getting married."

"_That,"_ Clarisse replied with a frown. "was because you decided to get married thirteen minutes after you met the guy on a club in Vegas."

"Well, at least I called my daughter to tell her, didn't I?"

"You sure did." Clarisse shrugged. "By the way, how's the annulment going?"

"Same way as it always does. Can't believe it's my fourth already; it feels like the first."

Oh my gods, what in the Hades is wrong with this family?

"Clarisse," the woman said. "It's not even nine in the morning yet, what could you possibly want at this early hour?"

How is 9 am early again?

"Besides," the older La Rue continued. "I have a splitting headache, staring at the sun behind you people is killing me." We were on the middle of the woods, there was barely no sun at all.

"So, what you're saying is that you're hangover."

"You can't call it a hangover if you haven't slept yet." The woman sipped directly from a bottle of wine. My jaw dropped.

"She's been drinking since yesterday night?" I whispered to Clarisse, she chuckled.

"Try since Thursday." I gasped, Clarisse shrugged. "I know."

"Who's the girl, hero?" Despite how cute it was for her mom to call her "hero" (as well as disturbing since her own mom called her by a male noun), I didn't focus on that because I was finally able to see Madame La Rue's face and body completely as she stood up from the chair she was sitting and leaned on the counter (probably because she wouldn't manage to be on her feet without support). I was surprised –the woman looked nothing like Clarisse; yet, I could totally see Clarisse in every part of her.

Her hair was long and straight, messy like her daughter's but much, much better taken care of; it was a dark shade of auburn that made her skin look very pale. She was tall and strong but, unlike Clarisse, her muscles weren't as evident. She had long legs and great posture which kinda made me wonder if he had ever been a professional ballerina.

Yeah, I'd like to see Ares sitting through a whole ballet show; _that_ would've been a fun sight.

"Hello." I waved bashfully. "I'm Silena Beauregard, we've talked on the phone earlier."

Clarisse glared at me again:

"I can't believe you went as low as to call my mother." She spat every word slowly and my heart pounded with fear as I answered sheepishly:

"You know, most people wouldn't mind about their friends calling their mothers…"

"We are _not_ friends!" She yelled and I flinched. "And…" she breathed in and out slowly. "You called…_that_." She pointed her index finger at her mother who only smiled and winked at us with a wave of her hand:

"Love you too, dear."

Clarisse kept her eyes on me but raised a hand to her mother to shut her up:

"I'll get to you later, woman!"

"Clarisse, really," I tried. "can't we be more reasonable about this? All your mom and I wanted was to help you and…"

"Help?" I wasn't doing anything right today, was I? "_Help_, Beauregard?" Clarisse took a few steps in my direction and I started walking backwards, trying to gain distance.

"Do you even _know _what's my mother's idea of _helping_?" I took an unsure glance at the Iris' message and saw Madam La Rue turning the whole wine bottle on her mouth at once cheerfully. "The woman used to give my lunch money to seventh grade bullies when I was six years old so I could retrieve it from them." Back in the Iris message, Ms. La Rue raised a finger to point out in her defense:

"I was helping you build your character."

"I have an awful character!" Clarisse yelled and the woman shrugged:

"So it backfired a little bit." She pouted her lips. "We all make mistakes every now and then." Clarisse ignored her and turned back to face me:

"She set fire to a restaurant…"

"They had no vegetarian options on their menu! I was helping a cause!"

"With _terrorism_!"

"You can't prove anything." She smirked. "And neither can the FBI." She winked at me and I gulped. Maybe calling her hadn't been a good idea after all.

"_Anyway,_" Clarisse resumed with her eyes on me the whole time. "That woman is pure evil! Not once has she done something selfless; all she does is destroy, maim, kill and burn…" Forgive me if I'm wrong, but who do we know that does this exact same thing everyday?

"You know; I'm right here. I can kinda hear you, hero." She pointed out half-heartedly as if the things Clarisse was saying were everyday business. Her daughter turned to face her:

"I know you can, Lucille, and, one day, maybe all the information will finally _sink in_." The older La Rue scowled at the younger La Rue.

"Do you know what my mother did when she found Chris?"

"I brought him home and tried to nurse him back to health!"

"You _kissed_ him, mother!"

"Only because that's how they do it in fairytales!"

"Chris was insane, mother, he had not been damned to a hundred years of sleep!"

Ok, by then I was pretty sure I shouldn't have called Clarisse's mother for help.

"Still, I'm glad I did it; the boy's a good kisser." She sighed, her eyes looking dreamily at nowhere. "It was kinda sad how he yelled for help and tried to strangle me right after."

"It still ended better than most of your other relationships." Clarisse muttered under her breath.

"I miss my Nutty Nacho." Madam La Rue sighed and I felt my jaw drop as I looked shocked at Clarisse who just shrugged as if that was no surprise:

"He lived with us for three months, the nickname just happened." She said.

"_You_ came up with it?" I asked, stunned. Clarisse did come up with stupid, offensive nicknames for Chris all the time but I had always assumed that, at least while he was sick, she had taken things more seriously. She tried not to, but she did look a little sheepishly as she stared at her own feet and said:

"It was kind of a team work."

Disturbing family thy name is La Rue.

"That's not the point though." She said after a minute of silence or so. "What _does_ matter is that you went behind my back and asked for help to the same person who thought it be funny to let a mentally unstable person play Mario Galaxy on our Nintendo Wii."

Even Madam La Rue looked a little guilty at this one statement:

"It was a scientific experiment; it's not my fault the bright colors made him confused."

"_He broke our flat screen!"_

"I said it wasn't my fault, didn't I? _Sheesh!_"

We were all awfully quiet for over three minutes, both La Rues engaged on a staring contest that was so creepy, I could feel a breeze –as cold as the winter – blowing on my neck.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Clarisse finally said, deadly serious, staring at her mother with her arms crossed. "What's your approach to this? Did you think the monsters were no longer enough of a torment to my life and decided to add a makeover obsessed stalker to the list of things I have to deal with lately or something like that? Or could it possibly be that you honestly has nothing else to do with your life other than making mine a living hell?"

At first I thought Madam La Rue would just smirk and give a smartass comeback like she usually did but instead she stared at Clarisse with a piercing glance I had only seen before on her daughter's eyes when she was extremely angry. The woman took a deep breath and her next words sounded nothing like her previously bubbly drunk self.

"Listen to me, Clarisse La Rue, and listen well because this is your mother speaking." I was surprised by how serious and authoritarian she sounded. I risked a glance at Clarisse and even she looked a little alarmed by her mom's sudden change of attitude. "I have known you since before you were born and you kept kicking my stomach with a strength no baby should be allowed to have. I have known you your entire life and I have dealt with your stupid ass pride more times than ACME gadgets have failed Willie. E. Coyote and I…" She made a dramatic pause. "know you _really_ well."

She started walking towards us, trying to approach our faces:

"I have seen you wallow yourself every day since you got claimed, trying to get some sort of approval from your moron of a father and I know that you believe that by being a _boy _and acting as if you have no interest at all for anything girl related is your way to do so…" Her accent now was strongly French, as if someone who had gotten used to speak in a different way but lost track of if when moved by emotions. "However_, _hero, I have seen you around that boy and I know how you're feeling. I've been there since I found him and I have watched you."

Well, this is becoming surprisingly useful.

"Ever since your father took advantage of me, years ago on that pub, I knew I'd be doomed to be alone forever. Every single day is a struggle because I know the more you grow, the more worthy you prove yourself to be, the more the Goddess of Love will hate me, will blame me for his favoritism."

I tried pretending that I wasn't a daughter of Aphrodite because, honestly, I had a strong feeling things could get pretty ugly if Clarisse's mom found out about that bit.

"And all along I've been afraid that she'd do the same to you." Madam La Rue sighed, looking older than she really was. "When Nacho appeared here, crazy and stuff and I saw you with him…" Clarisse was paralyzed. "I thought that was her plan; that was her way to make you suffer. To make you pay for what Ares and I had but it wasn't…Because you got a second chance. And I'm making damn sure that it works, no matter how hard you and your stupid pride try to make this for me."

I was beyond shocked. I let my eyes leave Madam La Rue and travel back to Clarisse's face. She remained quiet as if absorbing every word. I had no idea what was going to happen next: maybe they would start crying, maybe they would tell they loved each other, maybe they'd just remain quiet and end the Iris message…I thought many things.

Obviously, what _actually_ happened never crossed my mind:

"My father _took advantage_ of you?" Clarisse spoke slowly, with a gigantic (and rather scary) grin on her face. "Mother, if dad wanted to take advantage of you, here's what he would've done: he'd first watch you from afar, get to know you. Then he would turn himself into an animal of your liking like, let's say, a tortoise."

"I don't care for tortoises…

"So not the point!" Clarisse cut her off before continuing. "Then, mother, he'd wait for you to grab the cute little tortoise from the ground and pet it."

Both Madam La Rue and I were staring at Clarisse with quite the confused expression.

"And then, as you caressed his cute little tortoise shell..." Clarisse's smile grew wilder as she raised both hands and made a "o" with her left hand and a fist with her right hand. "He'd maliciously turn himself into a snake and boom!" She thrust her fist on the O. "Force himself into your lady parts!_That _would be a god taking advantage of you; what dad did was buy you a shot of tequila!"

"Two shots!"

"It still makes you easy!"

And the yelling went on.

And on.

And on.

Why was I doing this, again? I should just have bought her new wardrobe with my college fond or something, shouldn't I?

* * *

**Saturday/ 09:36 am/ Long Island/ Half Blood Hill/ Somewhere past Thalia's Tree:**

"Please tell me you don't drive a silver Volvo because of the sparkly vampire." Clarisse said as soon as she saw my car. I gave her a chuckle.

"Don't be silly, Clarisse; why would I choose a Volvo because of Edward? This car wasn't even my first option!" she raised an accusing eyebrow and put her backpack on my trunk and sat on the passenger sit with her backpack under her legs. As soon as I was sure she wouldn't hear I completed:

"My first option was Alice's yellow Porsche but my father said no to that."

* * *

**Saturday/ 9:45 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's silver Volvo:**

After almost ten minutes of awkward silence (well, at least on my end of the car), I tried for an approach.

"You know, I've kind of always wanted to know; Maimer is such a big weapon. Doesn't it desquise itself as something smaller?"  
"Sure it does; I just choose not to hide it."  
"What does it turn into?"  
"A taser."  
"A taser? Your weapon desguises itself as another weapon? What do you do when you need to get into public places? Does't security stop you or anything?"  
"They try." She shrugged. "But I tase them."  
You know what? Maybe I should just turn the radio on.

* * *

**Saturday/ 10:15 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's silver Volvo:**

"How can you _not _see how awesome this song is? There's just so much drama behind it, it's all juicy celebrity gossip."

"All I'm saying is that, why call it "_seven _things" if she's going to go on and on for hours about what she hated on him?"

"It doesn't go on for _hours_!" I protested.

"Oh, and on the same subject. What about that "Party in the USA business? If the soundtrack will really be the one she saying it will be, please count me off."

"Ok, it's official: I'm turning off the radio." I said.

"Finallly."

We were quiet again.

"Maybe you could watch a movie."

"I'm fine."

"I have a portable DVD on my glove compartment."

"I really couldn't care less for a movie, princess."

"Are you sure?" I said with a smile. "'Cause I thought you were a Hillary Swank fan."

"I…am. How do you know that?" She looked honestly surprised.

"Oh, I just _know_ things." That and, well, one look at Clarisse and you'd know she's a Swank fan. "_And,"_ I added with an even bigger smile. "you told me you were a Leonidas fan, right?" She nodded.

"Can you imagine a movie with _both _of them?"

"What?"

"Yes, Clarisse." I said happily. "A movie with your favorite million dollar baby and Spartan king. It's a dream come true." I said already pulling the DVD player from the glove compartment for her to watch.

Did she need to know we were about to watch _"P.S.: I love you"_? Not really.

* * *

**_End of part 1._**

**A/N: **_Not my funniest moment but I do hope you all understand that the splitting was necessary. I was already over eight pages and I still had at least two big, long scenes to write about. After the part two we will have Chris' POV which I know you are all dying to read, hoho!_

_Please, do leave a review, it takes hardly no time and it really makes me willing to write more and more and more. And faster too. So, hm, yeah, I love you all, please leave a review. I always reply so, warn me if I forgot about you last time._

_;) _


	8. Chapter 6 pt 2

**Calamity Clarisse**

**A/N: **_**You are not dreaming, guys. This is an update**_**. **_Since I didn't feel like the last chapter was funny, I'm assuming that –if you add this one with the last one –you might get a pretty descent humorous chapter. There's a minor reference to "Lost Hero" on this chapter, that being the "charmspeak" – a power Aphrodite children can develop to convince people into doing whatever they want them to do. Silena will explain it better so don't worry if you haven't read the book just yet._

_This chapter has a bit of a serious feeling to it by the end so I hope it won't affect your mood a lot and, above all things, I hope you like it too. _

**Chapter 6: I'm invited to a Family Reunion (Part 2)**

"_Don't be offended by my frank analysis /Think of it as personality dialysis /Now that I've chosen to become a pal a sister and adviser /There's nobody wiser /Not when it comes to popular" – Popular – Wicked Soundtrack_

**Saturday/ 10:18 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's silver Volvo:**

"Was it really necessary to throw the DVD out of the car window?"

"Yes, yes it was." She didn't do as much as look in my direction, her eyes still on the road outside her window, arms and legs crossed. Her whole body language told me she wanted no conversation at all.

Still, she had just thrown away one of my favorite DVD's. I'm telling you, had she thrown out "The Notebook", I'd be totally killing her right now.

Well, not really, considering our physical attributes – but I'd be pretty pissed, I'm sure.

"I can't believe I forgot the title appeared on the first five minutes of the movie!" I cursed under my breath.

* * *

**Saturday/ 10:23 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's silver Volvo:**

"You know…" Clarisse started and I glanced at her, surprised that she was even talking to me after such a long time of silence treatment. "I've been thinking about this whole situation with us."

"You have?" I said with a smile; maybe Clarisse was finally on her way to understanding how good my intentions were.

"Yes, I have been wondering about how you got to the blackmail part."

Oh. That doesn't strike me as good.

"You know, why don't we just go back to being quiet, huh?" I tried. "Let's just enjoy the silence. Some say that silence helps people bond better than any word there is."

"I can't stop wondering, from where you got the idea of finding something to use against me…" She spoke more to herself than to me, completely ignoring what I was saying, so I tried again:

"It was my idea." I said with a fake winning smile, though I know myself; I suck at pretending to be confident. "I came up with the whole thing. The stealing, the blackmailing, the "finding your weakness and using it against you" thing and all that – it all came from my filthy, scheming mind."

Clarisse watched me in silence, her eyes analyzing me up and down, her brain working a billion theories.

Then she raised an eyebrow, smirked and snorted:

"Yeah, right."

"_Hey!"_

"Get over it, princess." She waved me off warily. "There's no way you came up with a plan like that. You'd need someone mischievous and with a lot of know-how on personal conflicts…Someone who knows how to get on the nerves of people; how to attack their psyche and weaken their self confidence in battle. A natural cheater…"

You know, Zeus, this would be a _great_ time to send one of those storms you like so much and tip my car over.

"Besides, it'd have to be someone who knew me well enough –someone who would indicate the perfect way to get to me…"

That was it. Clarisse went quiet again, staring at her own knees; I could almost see her brain working through her scalp. Her expression was as serious as ever.

Five…

Four…

Three…

Two…

"THAT SHAMELESS _PIÑATA_!"

I think she's got it.

* * *

**Saturday/ 10:26 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's silver Volvo:**

"I'm telling you to stop the car right now, Beauregard!" She said trying to steal the wheel from my hands. The car swayed back and forth on the road as I tried to get hid of her hands but I knew she was stronger than me and I'd soon lose balance completely.

"Clarisse!" I yelled trying to make her see sense. "I have had the hardest time scheduling for us to leave camp during the weekend! Do you know how hard it is to convince the harpies not to eat us? And to find a free reservation spot at my spa was no picnic either! We are not going back all the way to camp just so you can pulverize Rodriguez!"

"Then let me out!" She said. "Stop the car and let me out."

"And what you're going to do? _Walk_ back to camp?" I said. "Do you even know _where_ we are right now?"

She let go of the wheel and stared at me quietly for a while.

"You're right." She said at last. "There's no point in trying to make you stop the car."

"Yes." Oh my, I can't believe I actually won. I had made her see sense! Maybe she wasn't as crazy as she seemed to be all the time.

"Well, I guess I can always kill him when we get back."

"Of course!" Not if I manage to change your mind on the next two days, then you won't.

We smiled at each other and I stared at the road again, maybe this trip was about to go the way I had planned.

* * *

**Saturday/ 10:28 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's silver Volvo:**

OH MY GODS! CLARISSE LA RUE JUST ROLLED OUT OF MY CAR LIKE A CANNON BALL!

* * *

**Saturday/ 10:28 am/On the road to Connecticut :**

"That's it!" I yelled while slamming the door of my car. "Hermes' children are an awful influence on _everyone_!" I mean, seriously, who else do you think taught her how to escape from a moving car? Stupid thieves!

"Come back here, Clarisse!" I tried again as she marched her way to camp. "You can't just walk back all the way! Get in the car right now."

Clarisse stopped walking at once and turned around slowly.

"You're out of the car." She pointed out.

"Well, _duh_." I replied shrugging, failing to see her point. I noticed inclining her body a little to the side as if trying to see something behind me.

"The keys are still there though."

Oh no.

Clarisse basically leaped in the direction of the car, shooting right pass me with inhuman speed. Luckily, I guess all my Body Combat classes were starting to pay off because I managed to grab her by the knees, throwing myself on her like they do it in football games. We both fell to the ground and all I could think about was how my new jeans would never be clean again; well, that was at least until Clarisse started struggling.

"Dude, do you really think you can stop me?" She said while forcing her body forward and I held on to her legs like an octopus. "Look at your size! You don't stand a chance!"

"I don't need to be strong to stop you!" I told her while trying not to swallow any dirt. "I didn't want to use it 'till now but you give me no choice."

Clarisse stopped struggling to look at me with scorn on her face and say on a fake terrified tone:

"Oh my Gods! You are going to sing and call the little forest animals on me, aren't you, princess?"

I narrowed my eyes at her:

"No!" I said with a winning smile. "I will just use _charmspeak_!" This time, Clarisse guffawed:

"Charmspeak? _Really_?" I nodded my head and she laughed louder. "Princess, there's no way you can use charmspeak. If you did have the power to control people, then what would be the reason behind you blackmailing me?"

"Well, I don't like to use my powers on people!" I answered. "It's…wrong."

She glared at me.

"I know, I know!" I rolled my eyes at her. "Blackmailing is wrong too but you give me no other option!"

"Sure, princess, sure!" She said dodging my arms easily and standing up as if my weigh made no difference to her at all (which probably really didn't). "Now, just get back in the car so we can both go back to camp and I can show Rodriguez what my fists are made of."

"I warned you!" I said standing up. "Don't get near those car keys or I will use charmspeak on you! I'm not bluffing."

Clarisse laughed:

"Oh, I'm so scared! The princess will control my head! I have no place to hide!" She put a hand on her forehead pretending to be about to faint.

Well, I did warn her.

* * *

**Saturday/ 12:13 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's silver Volvo:**

"This is so sad." Clarisse commented with her eyes on the screen. "I can't believe she has Alzheimer."

"Yeah," I said, sniffing. "But she wrote the whole thing on the notebook."

"So he could read for her…"

"I know,right?"

"This man's life sucks."

"Aw, but they got to live happily for a long time. See, they have a bunch of kids and grandkids."

""The Notebook" is really a great movie."

"Best-movie-ever! Ever!"

* * *

**Saturday/ 12:17 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's silver Volvo:**

"Have we learned a lesson today?" I said with a winning smile. Clarisse's face was bright red with both anger and embarrassment.

"Yes."

"And what lesson was it, Clarisse?"

"You can use charmspeak."

"And what else?"

"Chick flicks are a good, fun option for girls only parties."

"Aaaand?"

"And if I try to escape again you'll make me call Rodriguez and force me to say some very personal stuff."

"Good girl."

* * *

**Saturday/ 12:30 am/Still on the Road to Connecticut /Inside a restaurant called "The Burning Cactus" (Yeah, we didn't have that many options for a snack):**

"Clarisse, can I ask you a question?" I said as we took our sits next to a window. The place was surprisingly not a dump. It all looked incredibly clean and neat and the tablecloth was lacey and cute. I bet the manager was a Virgo!

"If I say you can't, will it stop you?" She said rolling her eyes.

"No, it won't."

"Then go ahead and ask."

"Why haven't you ever joined the Hunt?" She seemed really surprised by my question as she looked up from her menu to look at me.

"What?"

"You know, the Hunt." I shrugged. "Artemis' huntresses."

"I know who the huntresses are, Silena." She said waving for the waitress to approach us. "I just don't get why you're asking."

"Because it fits your personality." We made our orders and the waitress left. "I mean, face it: you have an attitude, you hate men, you are always angry at the world…"

"Wow, you _really_ dislike the huntresses."

I waved her off:

"That's beside the point." I said. "Why haven't you joined them? You sure got invited at least once, didn't you? Is it because you feel you'd be betraying your father?"

Clarisse pondered on the question.

"I guess that would be a good answer to consider." She said finally. "But that's not the reason. Especially because living forever would really give me a lot of time to fight for my father _and_ I'd get a lot of chances to fight real monsters instead of being stuck at camp."

"Then why?"

The waitress brought each of us a drink and our orders and left. Clarisse seemed to be really wondering how to respond to my question.

"I never got invited." Was her final answer.

"_What?_"

My surprise seemed to annoy her to no end because she glared more furiously than ever at me.

"But you've been to Olympus a bunch of times, how come Artemis never invited you?"

"Because their reunions are already too busy without this sort of conversation going on. I did get a card once but it wasn't an invitation, they just delivered one to each of us girls who went there…" She sighed and took a bite from her taco. "Aside from those couple of times at Olympus, I just never ran into the huntresses."

"Really?"

"Well…" She scratched the back of my head. "I almost did. Three times." I bobbed my head to the side, waiting for a better explanation.

"But things got in the way."

"Things?"

"Well, the first time I've heard of the huntresses, was right after I had joined camp. Chiron had giving me a mission to take care of a camper who was having anger issues."

She was dead quiet for a second.

"Chris!" I concluded; my jaw dropping.

"Yeah, well, and I decided I shouldn't just you know, leave the mission Chiron gave me to follow Artemis around."

I smirked, she ignored me:

"And then, there was the second time when the huntresses came to camp to stay for a while and I couldn't even see them because someone thought it would be fun to pull a prank on me and I ended up in the infirmary for the two weeks they stayed."

"Wait!" I raised my hand to stop her. "First of all: what kind of prank ends with two weeks on the infirmary? And second: Who pulled the prank?"

She took a big bite from her second taco. My jaw dropped again:

"Chris!"

"And finally," She added with a scowl. "There was last winter; when I wasn't around because I had gone missing searching for entrances to the labyrinth."

"That you went looking for because you had found…Chris!" I said giggling. Clarisse raised an eyebrow at me:

"Yes. Your point being…?"

My point being? Seriously?

"Ok, Clarisse," I said, trying to sound calm and controlled and, most likely failing since I got a lot of weird stares from a whole bunch of people at the restaurant. An old couple even raised their faces from their coffee mugs and gave us both weird looks. "You're obviously mentally challenged on the subjects of love…" She made a face, I ignored her. "So, Auntie Silena will explain it you the same way they do it on Discovery Kids. Here, let me borrow your pocket knife."

"What kind of Discovery Kids shows are you watching?"

"_Pocket knife!"_

"Alright, alright." She handed me her knife and I grabbed one of her tacos.

"Now, let me explain to you what Fate has been doing to your life since you were a little tiny violent kid growing up in Arizona, shall I?"

"This sucks." She grunted.

"Pay attention, kiddo!" She shut up. "Now, this little pocket knife right here is you." I placed the knife on the table between us. "And this taco right here is Chris."

"That's racist." She pointed out.

"_Really_, Clarisse? You? Of all people? The "Nutty Nacho" girl?"

"Go ahead."

"While _this,"_ I went through my purse to get my red lipstick. "Well, this is my "Euphoria" lipstick from Chanel's 2009 spring collection "Bohemian Fantasy Rouge" but today it will be your destiny."

"I don't get it. Should I fight the lipstick to death or something?" She raised an eyebrow.

"No! This is literally your destiny!" I opened the lipstick and drew a line between the taco and the knife. "The red line of fate!" I told her on my most impressive voice. Clarisse stared at me without saying a word for almost a minute:

"I still don't get it."

"Ugh!" I grunted holding my lipstick only a few inches away from her face: "This lipstick represents the oh-so-famous red line of fate and it means that your soul and Chris' are connected by a power much, much stronger than any sort of human bond."

"That's just lipstick!"

"That's not just lipstick!" I practically yelled and started drawing lines back and forth between the taco and the knife. "This is the proof that you and _Nutty Nacho _were made for each other, you blind, _blind_ woman!"

"Told you the name was catchy."

I was about to answer her when the waitress approached us again. And then she saw what I had done to tablecloth.

* * *

**Saturday/ 12:56 am/Back on the Road to Connecticut:**

"I can't believe you got us expelled from a restaurant, princess."

"Shut up."

* * *

**Saturday/ 13:09 am/On the Road to Connecticut /Inside Silena Beauregard's Silver Volvo:**

"Can I ask you something else?"

"No."

"Great, now listen…" I was just trying to be polite, ok? Clarisse is my hostage, she should know better than to refuse to answer my questions. "You said Chris had some…anger issues?"

"What?"

"When he came to camp. You said he had anger issues."

"Oh." She looked serious. "It was nothing much, really. People just assumed he was the angry time because he punched a hole into Hermes' cabin wall." Well, I'm guessing mass murderer would also classify as "nothing much" to an Ares' daughter.

"And why did he end up under your wing?" She looked at me, thinking of an answer.

"I guess it was because I knew him from before. From our military schools and stuff…"

"Oh, like in the dream my mom sent me!" I told her without thinking.

"You mean the dream that helped you start blackmailing me?"

"Don't you blame my helping psyche!"

"Whatever; thing is, I started helping him because he was having a hard time dealing with the whole "being a demigod" thing."

"But, when you first met him…"And I only knew that thanks to my dream too. "he already knew he was a demigod."

"It's different for him." She said sadly, looking out the window and I sighed.

"Because of his mother?"

To my surprise, Clarisse snickered.

"_What?" _In my world, nobody snickers over a suicidal mother!

"Nothing, I guess…yeah." She gave me a funny look. "I bet you have this image of poor baby Chris, being left behind on some sort of orphanage, going from foster home to foster home, living a super tough life in your head, don't you?"

I raised an eyebrow at her:

"Well, yeah…"

She laughed louder:

"Princess, Chris was born and raised on the Orange County."

"_The O.C.?"_

"Oh, great." Clarisse rolled her eyes. "Now you're imagining him being adopted by some dysfunctional rich family that tried to teach him what it was to be part of a family like in that stupid TV show, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not." _California, here we come, right back where we started from, Califooooorniaaaa, here we coooooome._

"You so are." She said with a smirk. "But it's not like that at all."

"Then how _is_ it?"

Clarisse's face became dark as she stared out of the window and I could tell she was considering whether or not to tell me something. I sighed and tried to make eye contact:

"You can trust me, Clarisse." I tried. "I know I'm blackmailing you but, if anything, being a blackmailer just proves I'm extremely good at keeping secrets."

To my surprise, this comment worked and she let out a small chuckle.

"You know how earlier I was talking to that woman" by "that woman", Clarisse actually meant her mother. "About how gods can take advantage of people if they want to?"

The car died for a second when I lost my focus on the driving.

"You can't be serious."

"Well, Hermes didn't turn into a tortoise or anything like that." She sighed. "He sort of just pulled a prank on Chris' mother."

"What do you mean?"

"You see, Hermes' met Chris' mother when she worked as a waitress on one of those dinners we find at the side of roads and stuff –kinda like the place we were just expelled from." She smirked at me, I ignored her. "Anyway, he immediately fell in love with her. He kept showing up, buying her coffee and stuff like that; she never went for him though, she was in love with another man."

"Oh Gods, I think I know how the story ends."

"I'm guessing you're right." Clarisse's eyes were on the road, looking amazingly human without any hatred burning on them. "She was engaged to this guy she had met at college and she refused Hermes, even after he told her he was a god."

"But Hermes is such a nice god."

"He is, isn't he?" Clarisse's voice sounded dark. "He tried his best not to hurt her." She didn't seem as if she trusted her own words. "But gods often succumb to their lust."

"I guess we can blame my mother for that."

"We sure can."

We were both quiet for a long time.

"So Hermes tricked her."

"Made her believe he was the man she loved."

"Exactly."

We were quiet again.

"She didn't know Chris was a demigod, not for a while." Then the monsters started showing up; slowly. Dangerous little things that she could see through the mist, even if only slightly: teachers who would try to harm him, weird looking animals trying to get to him…She was a smart girl, she put two and two together."

"And that was when…"

"Yeah."

"Poor Chris."

"The guy she was in love with, they had been together for a long time when she killed herself, I think they both thought Chris was their son so, when she first found out, he didn't mind, you know? They both had family problems so, in the end, he was the one responsible for Chris. He adopted him as if he truly was his biological son."

We were silent again.

"Beauregard…"

"Yes?"

"Are you crying?"

"Totally!" I said, sniffing. "The story is just too sad!" Clarisse, to my surprise, rolled her eyes and got me a tissue from the box I kept on the glove compartment. "Thanks." I said as she handed me it.

"When Chris first got to camp, he was just infuriated with the whole situation; his father had never told him the full story and, when he did, the monsters kept showing up. I think he was just really angry that he couldn't live with his father anymore."

"I see."

I focused on the road in front of me (pretty hard when your eyes are blurry with tears) and Clarisse just breathed in and out slowly.

"Say, Clarisse, how do you know all that?" She seemed confused by my question:

"He told me." She said, shrugging.

"Really?" I said, smiling. "And doesn't it strike you as odd that a guy simply told you all of this personal stuff? I've known Chris for a long time too and he never told me any of that, you know?"

Clarisse's face went red with either anger or shyness.

"There you go again." She rolled her eyes and I smiled.

"Oh, c'mon, why is it that you refuse to see the obvious? It's just so cute."

"I hate "cute"." She said. "Besides, there's nothing cute about my friendship with Rodriguez. There's hardly a friendship to begin with!"

"Whatever you say, Clarisse." I said, rolling my eyes and terminating the conversation before she started yelling at me. I tried changing the subject while there was still time. "What about his father?"

"_What_ about his father?"

"When Chris went insane, where was his father? He must have wondered why Chris never got back home, hasn't he?"

Clarisse stared at her own hands that were now folded on her lap. I was confused for a second: did she look guilty?

"I never told him."

"_What?"_

"I know, alright?" She seemed really uncomfortable. "But when Chris was insane –all the time, even as he became less and less lucid – he kept asking me not to tell his father about anything."

"But he was gone for over a year! The man must have been desperate!"

"I know, ok?" Clarisse cut me off by raising her voice. "It's just that…" She kept her eyes on her lap. "I don't really understand people's feelings."

"Huh?"

"I don't get most things people feel: sadness, love, attachment…I have a hard time understanding them. I can only understand what I can associate with; what I have already felt, you know?"

"I'm not following." I said, trying not to sound too judgmental.

"Rodriguez kept asking me not to tell his father, that he knew he'd be a disappointment and that he owed the guy a lot so…"

"But the man must have been crazy, Clarisse, you couldn't just…"

"I know I couldn't." She told me with a sober voice. "But I have no idea how it feels for a person to lose a child, mostly because I never even saw someone sad because they lost their child since I don't think either of my parents would care about that."

I opened my mouth to say something but she raised a hand to cut me off.

"I don't need the pep talk, princess, save your breath." She sighed. "I did know, however, how it felt to be afraid to let your parents down, to be a disappointment and I couldn't do that to him. Not when I knew how hard it would've been for me to be on his place."

I sighed sadly as Clarisse turned her eyes back to the road. We were both quiet for a long period this time.

"I understand." I said at last. "I understand why you did it." And I gave her a smile she ignored.

* * *

**Saturday/ 13:45 am/On the road to Connecticut / Inside Silena Beauregard's Volvo:**

It wasn't until much later that Clarisse spoke to me again. We had been quiet for a long time so I was pleasantly when she let some air escape loudly from her mouth and, without turning her face to me asked:

"Cute, huh?"

She couldn't see with her eyes outside the window, but I smiled back at her.

We were finally making some progress.

* * *

**A/N:** _So, how was it? Was it good? How's Clarisse doing on her progress? Please DO tell me. It's a known fact that people who review to my stories have bigger chances of dating Logan Lerman in the future, did you know that? Lol. Next chapter we will FINALLY be back to Chris' POV. Who missed him? I so did. He's always the easiest to write as. xD_

_P.S.: This stoy has been nominated for an award (alongside with Sweet and Corny, my other PJatO comedy) so, if you feel like voting and showing me some love, go to__ fanmortals (dot ) webs (dot) com and vote for it, ok? Love._


	9. Chapter 7 pt 1

**Calamity Clarisse**

**A/N:**_I'm happy to announce you're now reading an award winning fan fiction. Calamity Clarisse won "Most Humorous" on The Veritas Awards so thanks to all of you who have voted, reviewed or simply read this story._

_Like last time, the chapter got too long and I had to split it in two. This is actually a pretty serious and "nonsense" chapter when split in two so, hopefully, part 2 will be posted just as soon as last chapter's part 2. Once again, this chapter has a lot of serious bits to it so don't be surprised if you don't laugh. The humor comes on part 2. Besides, I kinda really like how his coming back to sanity turned out. I hope you like it too._

_By the way, there's a new Chrisse story by me on this site. It's not comedy but it's a one-shot, you can find it in my profile page by the name of Recklessly._

**Chapter 7:** So maybe everybody _does_ hate Chris after all. (Part 1)

_"You throw like a wimp! Teach you to try marrying me, you_

_idiot!" –Clarisse La Rue –The Sea of Monsters_

Say you're trapped inside a super dark labyrinth, haunted by a few different ghosts; one of them of a girl whom you'd seen die a thousand times the same way, the other of a girl who had never even been inside said labyrinth, a third one who looks suspiciously like the pictures of your mother you used to see on the house you grew up in and another one who keeps claiming he's the king of the dead and will make you regret ever living.

Nice, right?

Then, say you keep walking and walking and walking even if you don't remember moving at all and that every place you walk in is darker than the last one and sometimes you wake up to find yourself in the middle of different scenes that scream "déjà vu" even though every time is just as awful as the first time. Your life is like a video montage of your worst memories and what seems to be some seriously gore Japanese movies and the only soundtrack is either people screaming in horror or weird, unexpected noises in the dark whose source you can't really identify.

When you live like that for a while –even if you can't keep track of time anymore – when a dude that looks totally drunk shows up wearing a leopard shirt and purple sneakers, sits next to you in the dark and rolls his eyes as he says "You've been crazy for a while now, boy", you find it surprisingly easy to believe him.

"Crazy?" I stuttered and the familiar face –which was all Mr. D was to me at that moment rolled his eyes before saying:

"Heroes!" He said as if it was a bad thing. "You people live such short lives and still manage to forget what's really important. What was inside your head to ever even consider getting inside this place?" He had his arms crossed and I knew he wasn't exactly thrilled to be talking to me.

Suddenly, a light bulb went on in my head:

"I was given a quest." I said gravely. "It's my mission to…"

"To find Ariadne's string blah blah blah…" Mr. D waved me off impatiently. "So this is all you remember? This is the one thing we've managed to get from you ever since we found you. I swear to you, it's like every generation of demigods gets worse than the previous…"

"D…demigod?" I stuttered again trying to remember things. I didn't know what that word meant or who I was –it was like being inside a dream and even though you can recognize a face –in that dream only - that person is someone else. It's like dreaming, for instance, that Superman is your older brother; you know he isn't but in that alternate reality he is.

That was my life to me – anyone could be anything and every day I was someone new, every day I was anywhere but I never seemed to get where I wanted to be. Wherever that place was.

Mr. D sighed impatiently and stood up cleaning inexistent dirt from his shorts and scowled at me:

"You messed up good, kid but I can't say I'm surprised." I just stared at him blankly as he watched me with judging eyes as if he was about to do something he'd regret later and then, without his usual contempt he told me:

"One would think that seeing me would trigger at least one thing or two inside your memory but not even that…Oh well." He sighed again and his tiny eyes focused on somewhere far (which looked rather odd to me, who just a few seconds ago believed to be inside a tiny room with a really short ceiling). Suddenly we weren't inside the dark labyrinth; we seemed to float in space – it didn't look like anything I'd seen before and I knew that only because my guts told me not because I could remember anything. It didn't feel like being in the middle of nowhere, it was more like being in the middle of "nothing".

"You know, I once met a guy – kind of like you – who messed up big time too." The man was now wearing a suit and no longer his purple sneakers and leopard shirt. Another light bulb lit in my head: I suddenly remembered that those pieces of clothing were things I was used to see him wearing. I had solid memories of those sneakers and shirt.

"The guy went a little insane too, you know?" Slowly, as he spoke; a few names and faces came to mind but this time it didn't feel like blurs; they all had a chronological line, names and faces were matched in my head alongside with stories and memories. "It was a momentary thing, when he woke up –he had, well there's no sugarcoating to this, I'm afraid; he had murdered his wife and children."

Hercules, he was talking about Hercules, I knew that clearly now. I remembered classes and stories and I remembered learning even more about it at camp.

"We believe, Christopher Rodriguez…" Mr. D (and I now knew whom exactly I was talking to and I knew how important the situation might have been for him to address me by my real name and not some wrong version of it) told me solemnly. "That people who make mistakes as big as yours don't deserve to go unpunished."

I winced. Now that I remembered my lessons on mythology and all the tales about Mr. D 's wrath and the more I remembered about the many mistakes I had made, the more aware I'd become of just how screwed I was.

"However…" The god told me with a smile that shocked me. "Today I lost a son of my own and it sounds unfair to you and to your saver that yet another demigod life is to be lost on a war that is not even theirs."

"My savior?"

Mr. D grunted:

"I'm trying really hard here to be nice to you so remain quiet or I will probably remember why I don't like doing this."

"Sorry, sir." Was all I could say as I bowed down to him; I had no idea why I even needed rescuing; not everything was clear in my head yet.

"There's a penance, though." He warned. "Something you will carry with you forever. And to be frank with you, I honestly think you'd rather die or face twelve different types of impossibly hardly labors before carrying this with you so let me just say that I'm not being – by any means – _kind_ to you."

I smiled, understanding at once what he meant:

"I will carry my regret with me." I said with a smile. "I get to survive everything while other people die and I will always know that I helped. Is that it?"

Mr. D smiled mischievously.

"So you're willing to do that? Willing to remember every single awful memory of this place, this madness and even all the things you don't know even happened and go to battle? Are you willing to do all of this in exchange for a few more decades of running away from monsters and climbing stupid walls at this stupid camp?" He seemed half surprised, half pitiful. I smiled:

"I'll live with my regret then." I shrugged. "It might just be a few decades to you, sir – but now that I remember what I did; a few decades means time and the more time I get to fight for the right side, the more chances I have to redeem myself. I'll do what it takes, I'll accept my penance."

"Hermes' children…"He mumbled to himself as he summoned a diet coke from nowhere and I noticed we were suddenly standing inside camp's infirmary. Everything was empty except for the two of us. "You're all exactly like you silly of a father: this is exactly the sort of reckless attitude that got you in the labyrinth in the first place, I'm sure. To think you are able to take more than you can take is always the problem with his spawns." He opened his can with a "tss" sound and then scowled. "But maybe that's why people insist on calling you delinquents "heroes", even when you're trying to destroy the world as we know it." I felt a stingy pain in my chest; the remorse was already kicking in.

"Hermes claimed me?" I asked even though I had so many other questions in mind. Mr. D made a face:

"I'm not a story teller, kid. Ask this to the girl when you wake up." He sipped from his can. "I have a trial to attend right now and you have a life – if you can call it that – to get back to." He was about to snap his fingers when he said:

"Most heroes don't ever look back." He told me. "That's something I liked about that stupid Hercules' kid: it was not about being a hero – it was about facing the mistakes he did. Even us, the gods, we try to ignore our wrong doings and it's remarkably easy when you're immortal, you know? But to accept the fate of not forgetting… this is something I can almost respect on a hero, Rodriguez."

I guess that was supposed to mean something considering it came from the god who was currently paying his own penance by working at summer camp for the next century. I would have said that but I was sane now and not very fond of the idea of going insane again or being turned into a dolphin like some other people who had challenged Dionysius before so I just shut up.

"One more thing boy." He told me. "I hope you appreciate the irony of your penance."

"The irony, sir?" I raised an eyebrow, confused, as Mr. D chuckled.

"Your penance is your salvation, boy. In more ways than one."

I hated when gods spoke in riddles. Just say things on our faces already! For crying out loud; you people are the only ones here who are not getting any older. But before my eyebrows could even wrinkle in frustration, Mr. D snapped his fingers and I opened my eyes to find myself lying in a bed inside the same room me and Mr. D had just been; except this time the place was crowded with injured campers and the chair where the god had just been sitting was now occupied by a tall girl with bandages all over her arm and face.

More of my memories returned to me; however, this time, they were mixed blurs of insanity and reality. Ghosts turned into people and the labyrinth walls turned into poster covered bedrooms.

"Oh, you're up. Are you feeling ok? You should eat some ambrosia." She talked to me as if she didn't expect any answer; as someone who had grown used to being ignored and just kept trying every time even though it was always unsuccessful.

I smiled at her because I had just understood Mr. D's inner joke from before.

"Your penance and your salvation are the same in more ways than one." He had said.

"Rue." I said, my voice sounding husky from lack of use. "Clarisse La Rue."

There was a moment; something like the half of a second or something in which I wondered whether Clarisse would have a heart attack, faint, cry or all at the same time but she just stood still for a while before she mumbled:

"You…you know who I…?"

"Mr. D is back." I told her.

We were both quiet and so were the rest of the injured demigods, I think they kinda knew what was going on; they sure knew more than I did. Clarisse stood up still quietly and marched earnestly from the spot her chair was to the end table where the ambrosia and nectar I'd been refusing to eat laid. I counted one, two, three deep breaths.

Then, she slapped me.

Real hard.

"Moron." She said. I guess the penance part began now, then. But before I could reply she shoved the nectar and ambrosia on my hands and scowled at me. "Eat this, take a shower, brush your teeth, get a haircut. Stop being stupid."

Needless to say, I was a little baffled. I thought I'd get a lot more than just a little slap.

Clarisse turned her back to me and sighed:

"This is enough for now." She told me without looking back. "You'll get some real violent punishing once you're on your feet again."

I had promised Mr. D I'd take my penance gladly so I just swallowed my pride with the first piece of ambrosia:

"Do you hate me?" I don't know why that mattered to me now. Clarisse and I weren't that good of friends in the first place.

"I've always hated you." She said walking away and I felt my heart sink. "But I guess that means…" She said stopping by the end of my bed and looking down. "But I guess that, since I already hated you before, then we are probably just like we always were, right?" She turned her head to me one last time. "Nothing has changed."

I smiled at her and she scowled:

"It doesn't mean I'm not kicking your ass later, punk." She said shaking her fist threateningly before marching heavily away while mumbling angrily about how stupid I was, cursing like a sailor and leaving everyone in the infirmary to stare at me with funny faces.

I woke up with someone poking me on the ribs. I grabbed their fingers, twisted them until I heard a loud "crack" and some seriously bad words in Greek and then said with a muffled voice:

"Leave me alone, I want to sleep."

"Fine!" I heard the angry male voice saying in a whisper. "It's your problem if he kills you then. I'm done trying to help you! Good luck being murdered by Beckendorf."

"_Beckendorf_?" My head snapped up. I had absolutely forgotten I was on the "Arts and Crafts" class. I sucked big time at both arts _and_ crafts and I do believe monkeys would make better weapons than mine; also, it was always the first class of the morning and who deserved to play with clay as school activity after kindergarten, really? Sure, there was iron and fire and all the cool stuff but they don't let you near it if you don't have permission and, honestly, considering the vibe I was getting from Beckendorf lately, I was kind of glad they didn't allow me to get any closer.

"Sorry I broke your fingers…" I said with my sweetest smile to the boy that had tried to wake me. "I'm Chris."

"I know who you are." The boy rolled his eyes as he started chanting to himself. I watched as his fingers healed magically. "My name is Memphis."

"Oh cool, you're an Apollo kid, so no harm done, right?" I said with an even bigger smile. The Apollo son glared at me murderously.

"Hey, Beckendorf!" He yelled. "I'm having some trouble with my sculpture, could you come here and help me up, please?"

I narrowed my eyes at the guy as I watched Charles Beckendorf approach our desk:

"_Really?_Is that what you're gonna do? Tell me off for not sculpting? Couldn't you be a little more mature about this and just curse me or shoot an arrow at me or something?" I complained under my breath. "Couldn't you just write _poetry_about how much you hate me?"

Memphis was on the verge of saying some sort of comeback I believe, because he opened his mouth to say something but we were both interrupted by Beckendorf's arrival:

"So, Memphis, what's the problem with your sculpture?" I tried desperately to hide my own piece of art (which was basically nothing) by pretending to be making it flat and limp on purpose. The Memphis dude seemed like the smart type because he promptly came up with a believable excuse about how he was trying to make a tribute to his father using some Hellenistic period features or something but didn't feel like he was getting it done and then he got what he wanted because Beckendorf's eyes dodged from his sculpture to mine as soon as he finished making remarks on Memphis' work and the Hephaestus son's eyes looked at me and my work with such contempt that, I swear to you, I felt one of my eyebrows singe.

"So…" He said looking down at me and my work. "What exactly are you working on, Rodriguez?"

"Uh…" Look, this is rule number one on my "restarting life guide book"; I do not let my sarcasm get the best of me. I'm a cool, controlled person that does not have an urge to make fun of people or enjoys tricking them. I don't like to lie, I don't pick fights – I just take my penance. "It's, uh…a coin."

But if any of you had seen the way Beckendorf usually sharpens his swords (or any other weapon for that matter) while staring at me without even blinking, you'd totally understand why I was coming up with excuses that moment.

"A coin."

"Yeah, hum, a big coin." I said matter-of-factly. "I'm trying to recreate – but in an oversized version of course – one of the ancient Greek coins of yester years." I could literally hear Memphis' jaw dropping at my lying skills next to me. "You see, if you turn the sculpture upside down like this, you'll see the shape of my profile in relief here…"

"Oh." Beckendorf nodded. "So basically..."

I smiled winningly.

"You slept on top of it."

I frowned defeated.

"You were _sleeping_ during classes?" Memphis said with a fake offended tone so believable, you could swear I had just offended his mother. "That's so disrespectful!"

I glared at him with my most dangerous look but it was hard to look dangerous with Beckendorf staring right at you.

You see, is not that I'm afraid of Beckendorf per say, but he's sort of a leader to the other campers and you don't want to pick a fight with the most respected member of camp, especially when you just got back from serving the enemy's team, right?

Oh that and the sacred fire thing. Beckendorf has tons of sacred fire bombs lying around in his secret lair – I heard some rumors about how he has a secret cabin inside his own cabin…

In other words, he's not the type of enemy you want to make.

Memphis smiled triumphantly at me as he went on:

"It's unbelievable, really; one would think you have something against Charles, you know? You keep walking up and down with the girl he likes; you sleep during his classes…"

"Memphis."Beckendorf said, cutting the Apollo freak mid-sentence.

"Yes?"

"Don't call me Charles."

"Sorry,sir." He gulped.

"We should talk, Rodriguez." Beckendorf told me with a voice I knew was too neutral to be natural. Maybe it's because I had been hanging around with Ares children for too long but I had a clear impression that whenever someone said "we should talk", that usually meant I'd end up electrocuted, maimed or with my head inside a toilet.

Luckily for me, we all heard the conch horn blowing in a distance, announcing the end of the class.

"Oh, sure! Let's schedule something!" I said standing up and checking my watch. "I can't be late for archery." Memphis chuckled. "Oh, you know, back when I was with the Titan's army they taught us some really nasty spells to make arrows turn back on their throwers." I added, making Memphis giggles cease immediately. "We should totally discuss that on our next council meeting too, Beckendorf. Can't wait to see you there!" I said grabbing my backpack and aiming for the door. When I was about two seconds away from touching the doorknob, the smirk on Memphis face suddenly returned, more dangerously than ever.

"You know what?" He said with his usual fake tone. "Archery is Apollo's class so I'm sure Michael, our new cabin leader" he gestured towards a surprisingly short boy all the other way across the forges. "Won't mind if you keep Chris here for a while longer and talk to him about discipline; Michael is crazy about rules and stuff."

It was official: that Apollo kid was going to get a black eye to match his shiny blond hair.

Memphis waved goodbye with the joy of knowing he had pretty much just messed up my life more than I had already done by myself. I fell back into my chair as if I had just been condemned to death and watched as the other campers passed me and Beckendorf by on their way to the door.

Connor and Travis were the last to leave (I think they were also asleep, to be honest with you –they either slept or sculpted suspiciously dubious figures in that class), they took a look at my expression, then at Beckendorf's and then they both flinched at the same time before resuming their way out but not without patting me on the shoulders and saying:

"Nice knowing you, bro."

"Sucks to be you, dude."

Ladies and gentlemen: my _family_! And those were the _good_ brothers, you should see what the black sheep of the family has been doing lately; some seriously messed up stuff, I tell you.

So Charles Beckendorf and I were finally left alone at the forges and the awkward silence was so palpable, I was sincerely considering inhaling some of the smoke in there –not enough to kill me, just what was necessary to faint, you know? But then I remembered I was supposed to be living in penance anyway and took a deep breath to gain courage.

I forgot for a second that inhaling and taking a deep breath are basically the same thing so I started coughing like a maniac. Beckendorf rolled his eyes as if he pitied me or something and waited until I was ok again before he said:

"Are you and Silena like…_together_?" I choked a little on my saliva before asking:

"_What?_" This was nothing like what I had expected it to be. I expected Beckendorf to throw me against a wall and tell me to stop walking around "his girl"; I didn't expect him to be sitting on a chair in front of me, staring at his own shoes looking as if the weight of the world was about to fall on his shoulders. This was actually so much more of a simple problem than what I had in mind, that I couldn't help but to chuckle.

Of course, that didn't make me look any nicer to Beckendorf.

"Are you _laughing_ at me?" His eyes were narrowed and the burning sensation in my eyebrows came back so I gulped nervously before managing to mumble the words:

"Dude, I'm not with Silena. We are barely even _friends_, she's just…" And then I got stuck. What should I tell him? I mean, it's not like I felt comfortable explaining that Silena was helping me "get Clarisse"; actually, now that I stopped to think about it; the idea of me "getting Clarisse" was so absurd, it made me blush. Literally. I hadn't blush in at least seven years and now there I was, with a huge, scaring dude staring at me and waiting for an answer and I couldn't even bring myself to explain why exactly the girl he liked hung around me all the time. Did I even like Clarisse or was I just being played by an Aphrodite kid?

"She's just…?" Beckendorf raised an eyebrow questioningly and I could tell he still didn't believe me. We Hermes' kid, let's just say we don't really have a good name when it comes to telling the truth.

"I'm not with Silena, ok?" I sighed, trying to find a compromise, a way to get out of the situation without having to lie _or_ to tell the truth. "She's just going all _Aphrodite_ on me."

That, I admit, was a _real_poor choice of words.

"_Aphrodite_ on you?" By now I was pretty sure Beckendorf was picturing all sorts of scenarios involving Silena Beauregard trapping me inside closets and making me her "_boytoy"_ or something like that. I smacked my head on my desk and tried to repair the damage with a muffled voice:

"I'm saying that she's trying to help me find love. That's all."

"Oh." Beckendorf sounded downright relieved. "So this is about Clarisse then."

What?

"_What?"_I moved my head just enough so I could see his face and kept my chin glued to the desk; I probably didn't look very smart. Beckendorf chuckled at my shock.

"Oh, c'mon!" He crossed his legs and put his feet on the desk where Memphis had been sitting before, kinda like Clarisse would do (and I kicked myself for thinking that) as he said smugly: "It's common knowledge!" He waved me off. "When you were crazy, we all watched her go all _Aphrodite_ on you."

_Penance_, I told myself as I thought Mr. D quietly laughing at me during one of his Pinochle matches with Chiron. I should have chosen eternal madness.

"Oh, shut up." I hid my face on the desk again.

"No, dude, c'mon!" Beckendorf patted me on the shoulder even though it was still clear that he was trying not to laugh. "Having Clarisse liking you is not that bad, we can always use that to our advantage!"

I felt some acid building up in the pit of my stomach; I couldn't really tell why but it really bothered me that Beckendorf was assuming that I didn't like the fact that, according to him, Clarisse liked me. But it bothered me even more that I couldn't bring myself to defend her; she had saved my life for Zeus' sake! I decided to change subjects instead:

"Advantage?" I asked.

"Yeah, next Friday." He told me a lot more soberly. "We are all running wild with plans because according to Chiron, the sorting put Athena and Ares cabin on the same team, against us." Can you believe that just half an hour ago I had thought this guy actually had something important to discuss with me and now we were basically skipping class to discuss _"Capture the Flag"_?

Gods, I missed camp so much!

"So who's on our team?" I questioned, glad to be finally able to focus on a normal conversation.

"Poseidon, Hermes and Apollo." Beckendorf said. "And Hephaestus of course, I believe that us all together make a stronger team than theirs since all they got is Dionysius, Demeter and Aphrodite. Besides, I highly doubt most of the Aphrodite cabin will play, while Pollux is hardly on the mood for games since his brother just died." Beckendorf sighed. "Who would be, right?"

"Right." I nodded.

"So, knowing Ares and Athena's cabin leaders' egos, I have developed a strategy. Annabeth will probably be on control of the team trying to capture the flag, while Demeter will work inside the forest creating decoys and Ares protects the flag from different spots with their physical strength but only one of them will be taking care of the real flag. And that's the only one we should really worry about."

"Clarisse."

"Exactly!" He agreed with a mischievous smile. "Basically, Apollo will go against Ares with their long distance weapons; Percy and I will use some new gadgets I came up with to sneak up on the real flag while your cabin will sneak up on the Demeter kids." He was quiet for a second or two. "Well, not _all_of your cabin, of course."

Suddenly I didn't like this conversation anymore.

"You, as the first lady of Ares' cabin…"

"_First Lady?"_Beckendorf totally ignored my rage:

"You'll have one specific job." He kept talking even though I was clearly angry. "Your job is to follow Clarisse and keep her distracted."

My jaw dropped.

"So basically what you're saying is that you want me to just "stay there and look pretty"?"

"Pretty much that, yeah." He pouted his lips considering my words. "But talk to her too, it will probably work better. Try discussing your feelings or something, she'll fall for that. She worries about you."

I stood up, grabbed my backpack and started marching angrily towards the door. Beckendorf seemed surprised because he took his feet from the desk and stood up. I had my hands on the doorknob when I turned around and said:

"You know what?" I spat the words angrily. "For someone so obsessed with winning, it strikes me as weirdly odd that you'd be such a coward about telling Beauregard that you like her." His eyes opened in surprise. "I mean," I made a face and added quotation marks with my fingers while I said with a funny voice: "It's common knowledge."

We glared at each other; me feeling rather angry and Beckendorf looking as if he had just been slapped across the face.

"Do you even know what I went through these last months?" I had promised myself I'd never complain about it but I was, ironically, out of my mind at that moment. "I have to remember over and over memories that don't even make sense yet while you all just stare at me when you think I'm not looking! I have memories about monsters I didn't even know existed and some seriously scaring memories of a huge dude with surprisingly soft hands named Lars who used to give me sponge baths!"

Beckendorf's expression was particularly shocked at that last statement.

"Oh and let me just remind you that I owe my sanity to the one god that not only would do anything he could to make a demigod miserable as he also have direct access to what I'm doing all the time. Do you even know what I do when I disappear every Wednesday afternoon? No, I'm not taking a nice nap; I'm rubbing oil on Mr. D's back so he will get a nice tan for when he goes back to Olympus on the Summer Solstice every year!" I stopped to breathe shallowly for a while. "And you know what's ironic? He's a freaking _god_! He can look however he wants to look so he only does it for his entertainment! Besides, he already looks red all the time, so what's the point?"

Ok, I was losing the track of my speech a little, spare me; I had let things pile up for a while:

"On top of it all, this girl you claim to like insists on putting me and Clarisse together as if that was something _easy_. And not only does she do that as she also insists on tormenting Clarisse with, what I believe, is the same type of nonsense and that, let me tell you: never ends well for me because, for Gods know what reason, Clarisse doesn't seem to want to hit Silena so guess who gets to be the scapegoat, huh?"

"You, I guess?" Beckendorf had a weird expression on his face, almost like pity which enraged me even more.

"Yes, me!" I declared earnestly. "So, 'till now I was taking everything that was sent to me with a big smile on my face because I was grateful and everything…"

"All I see you do is sleep…" I ignored him:

"But I'm tired of being nice." I sighed, gaining courage and composure. "I'm tired of you people messing with Clarisse and her rescuing me as if meant more than it did. I'm tired of playing Switzerland to you all just because you think I have some sort of power over her. She'd do that for all you, morons. So it's Bad Chris from now on." I gave that a second thought:

"Well, _Mildly_ Bad Chris –just bad enough that I'll do bad things but not bad enough that I will go back to the Titan Army or anything." I added and Beckendorf seemed tired:

"Look, Chris, I'm sorry I offended you." He said. "Or Clarisse for that matter. I didn't assume you liked her back."

How could he _possibly_get the idea that I liked Clarisse from my angry speech? _How?_

"I never said I liked her. I said she didn't even like me to begin with, I…" He ignored me completely:

"But you're still the only one who has a chance and enough knowledge of her battle skills to stop her during capture the flag."

"No." I crossed my arms moodily even though I felt a little flattered. "I'm not taking part on this and there's nothing you can say or do that will make me join."

"_Finally!"_A female voice yelled from the other side of the room where there was another door. "I've been looking for you like _crazy_, Chris!" Silena Beauregard rushed in my direction and lunged, her arms around my neck – honestly excited to see me. "I have _soooo_ much to talk to you about." She then noticed Beckendorf's presence in the room:

"Hey there, Charlie! You won't mind if I borrow Chris for a while, will you?" She said with pleading eyes and pulling me out of the room by the hand. When we were out of the Arts and Crafts room, I snuck my head back inside and found Beckendorf looking absolutely stunned:

"I'll do whatever you want if you promise you won't try to kill me whenever Silena gets near me."

"No chance for forgiveness, Rodriguez." He told me with his eyes narrowed. "But I'll still make you do what I tell you to."

"You look like the possessive type." I added as Silena kept pulling my hand from the outside, insisting I'd start moving already. "What are you? A Scorpio?"

"Huh?" I don't blame him for not understanding a word I said at first.

"Your astrological sign; are you a Scorpio?"

"Hum, yeah. I was born in the end of October."

I gave him a thumb up:

"Then you're all good, pal. You two are a match made in heaven." And with a final thug to my arm, Silena pulled me out leaving behind what I believe was the most confused son of Hephaestus ever.

**A/N:** _Part 2 coming later this week, I hope. As I said this is the "serious" part of the chapter, what comes next is lighter and hopefully funnier. I don't know why the chapters are getting so long lol. But since I don't update as often as other authors this is something good, right? I'll try making it as fast as I did last time. And if you don't leave a review, Lady Gaga will haunt you in your sleep singing Alejandro's chorus 'till you go crazy._


	10. Chapter 7 pt 2

**Calamity Clarisse **

**A/N: **_I should probably let you know beforehand that this chapter was cut because I thought the last two scenes didn't fit the rest therefore, most of the funny parts got cut out for a new chapter I'll be adding between this one and the one that was supposed to be the eighth chapter. I'm free from school so next chapter will come, I hope, quite quickly. Don't expect to laugh in this part of the chapter but the next one is a rather cute one so I hope you're not *too* disappointed, ok? _

**Chapter 7:** So maybe everybody _does_ hate Chris after all (Part 2)

_"You throw like a wimp! Teach you to try marrying me, you_

_idiot!" –Clarisse La Rue –The Sea of Monsters_

For a daughter of Aphrodite, Silena had a surprisingly strong grip. She walked me all the way from the Arts and Crafts room to the Arena, gathering all sorts of looks from other campers. We passed through the volleyball court where Chiron was talking to Michael Yew (or "that annoying ferret" as Clarisse referred to him as) about how to proceed during archery lessons. Memphis was there too, studying the target from afar attentively which was very similar to what I was doing at the moment too though, in my case, _Memphis_ was the target. However, considering how close Chiron was and how easily he'd see me if I did anything, alongside with the fact that I was currently skipping classes, I decided it was better to leave revenge for later.

Silena finally let go of my hand once you've reached the Arena where a bunch of Demeter kids were failing miserably on learning how to properly use their swords. One of the boys tried to attack his half-sister but the sword slipped from his hand and fell right on his left foot. I winced; celestial bronze was pretty heavy.

"So, Chris..." Silena said while seating on the bleachers so smugly she looked like a peacock. "I think you owe me some gratitude."  
"Oh, do I?" I asked taking a seat next to hers. "And why would that be?"  
Silena's smile became a gloating smirk:  
"Because" She said "I brought the most beautiful girl in the world to camp with me!"  
I had to fight back a snort before I could proceed with my sarcasm:  
"You brought Eva Mendez to Camp Half Blood? I knew it: a body like that had to be at least half deity!"  
Silena took her time noticing I was joking, once she did realize what I was doing, she just scowled and slapped me in the arm, rolling her eyes:  
"You're such a jerk." She said crossing her arms. I smiled and relaxed against the benches behind me, stretching a little. I was still sleepy after all:  
"How was the weekend?" I asked, checking her out from head to toes. "I see you've managed to come back in one piece. That's gotta mean something good."  
"Hm, yeah…" She sighed, looking a little dazzled. "It wasn't easy though."She added, biting her tongue. "Clarisse wasn't exactly supportive through the whole thing."  
I had already gathered that much on my own but Silena went on anyway:  
"She tried the usual, I guess." She told me.  
"Cannonballing out of the car, then?"  
"So it was you who taught her that!" She glared at me and I waved her off impatiently.  
"Don't go there!" I buffed. "It's not like there was ever the option of refusing to teach her, ok? Have you seen Maimer?" I raised an eyebrow at her, daring. "Then let me tell you something about that spear, my friend, those little jolts of light coming out of its tip? Yeah, no picnic!"

Silena stared at me for a while before resuming to her description of the trip:

"Then, of course, there was this one moment on our way to the mall when she told me she felt bad for yelling at her mother and wanted to borrow my phone so she could apologize."

I gave Silena a pitiful smile:

"Oh, Princess, you walked right into that one!"

"_I know_!" She sighed. "I should've known better than to think Clarisse would ever regret _shouting_ at anyone, even more her _mother_." Silena shuddered as if trying to shake away some bad memory and I raised an eyebrow at her, confused:

"You know, I have very few memories of Clarisse's mom but I _like_ her.

"Of course you do" She rolled her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind." She waved me off wearily. "Anyway, so I lent her my phone out of good will and naivety and, _obviously_, she didn't phone her mother at all. She actually ended up finding a way to login in into my web system and entered a website called "we-eat-demigods-for-lunch dot com"." Silena and I exchanged knowing glances. "Needless to say, in less than two minute we were being chased by five Cyclops driving motorbikes!"

"Typical Clarisse." I didn't even blink with surprise or anything.

"I know, right?" She sighed, bored. "She told me that if she was to waste her time on that trip while she should be training, then she'd make the most of it."

"And then?"

"And then she kicked the ass of five Cyclops as if it wasn't even a challenge and destroyed their bikes with a crowbar. She told me she'd been training specifically hard on how to attack Cyclops because of a particular hate she has towards the species; hence her destroying their bikes just for fun."

What an angry ex-wife Polyphemus found for himself, huh?

"Nice." I commented.

"And then there was shopping, scrubbing, mani-pedi, Brazilian waxing…" She was quiet for a second, her thoughts wandering off. "One _would_ think a girl who had just maimed a gang of seven foot tall flesh eating monsters would take waxing a little more lightly…"

"A change of subject would be more than welcome right now." I burrowed my face in my hands but she ignored me:

"She said it had something to do with American laws allowing her to kick the hell out of monsters but frowning upon the same treatment given to a legal citizen…"

"SILENA!" I captured her attention this time, making her jump on her sit:

"Alright, touchy, I'll change the subject if that's what you want." Her eyes travelled through the arena and her eyebrows rose in surprise.

"What?" I asked turning around and trying to see what she was looking at but she grabbed my chin and made face her instead. "_What?_"

"Don't look now but that girl from Demeter is totally checking you out." I smirked:

"Really?" I said, trying to turn my face again but Silena slapped me slightly (but painfully enough):

"I told you not to look!"

"Ouch! Oh, c'mon! You tell me a girl is checking me out and I can't even look? How is that fair?"

"Well, first of all; no girl would like you if you looked like you were desperate to see her." Silena grabbed my chin again so I wouldn't glance behind my back. "And _second_; who _cares_ if there's a girl checking you out when you already like someone else?"

"I do?"

"What?"

"I like someone else?" I asked. "I don't recall ever saying I liked anyone, did I?"

Silena blinked, stunned. For a second, she looked as if I had just slapped her across the face with a giant fish but then, her eyes narrowed and she whispered threateningly:

"What-did-you-just-say-Rodriguez?"

You know, for a 5'3'' petit girl, Silena could really pull the scary looking thing. Still, I sighed; there was no point lying to her of all people:

"All I'm saying," I started carefully. "is that I never said anything like that to you or any other person and that you just assumed that on your own."

"I did _not_." She looked really offended, like I had accused her purse of being a fake. "Chris, we've talked about this before, haven't we?" She even sounded a little desperate. It made me feel really bad like a kid disappointing their parents for the first time. "We've talked about me helping the two of you and…"

"Lena, please, calm down, will you?" I took a deep breath. "I know I've kinda led you on in this whole thing and all but…" I scratched the back of my head nervously, feeling uncomfortable once again. Silena had this power of making you feel like it was your duty to open up to her and just make her happy and agree with everything she said and if there were two things I hated, they were opening up and making people happy. "But I've been thinking about it, especially these last couple of days when you two were away and, honestly, I think I've been just confused and misled by everyone's opinion and…"

"And what?' She interrupted me. "And you suddenly realized I was actually manipulating you into believing you had any sorts of feelings for Clarisse at all? That you were just a victim of the old Aphrodite's manipulation system? That I'm trying to put you two together just so I can break you up later? Is that it?"

She had got to my conclusions faster than_ I_ had and she had managed to make me sound wrong and evil and stupid too. I felt like I had just been ran over by the Estrogen Train.

"…What?" I managed, absolutely bewildered by her passionate response. Silena stood up and looked me in the eye in a way that could have easily have sent a weaker demigod straight to Hades. She bit her lower lip and stamped her foot – I was terrified to realize she had tears on her eyes as well.

"Look, I know my cabin has a reputation and I know we've earned it with reason but I'm _not _just doing this because it's _fun. Gods! _Whoever's idea of fun involves having a girl cannonballing out of a moving car, throwing out your favorite dvds and telling everyone on the spa you visit every year with your family that you're on a – I'm quoting her here – "lesbian honeymoon", sure is very, very sick on the head!"

My jaw dropped slowly but I didn't interrupt her, she looked scary:

"When I first started doing this, I was trying to prove a point…" She went really silent for a while. "but now, I swear, I…" She looked again at my face, then at the Demeter kids training and then her expression changed completely. "No, never mind, I don't care."

"Huh?" I remarked cleverly.

"I'm saying that you should get to make your own decisions and that I should be more patient." She smiled. "The red line of fate has its own ways."

Was I the only one who thought Silena's obsession with the red line of fate was really, really_, really_ eerie?

"Silena, I…"

"Don't apologize!" I wasn't planning on apologizing at all, I just wanted to tell her to stop crying or something because people were starting to look.

"It's really frustrating!" She told me brushing away some tears and playing with her hair. "Whenever I get one of you to understand something, the other decides to have all sorts of doubts!"

I honestly had no idea what Miss Waterworks meant by that but what I got from that line was:

"You made Clarisse _understand _something? What?" Silena stared at me, a daring smile on her face:

"Do you like Clarisse, Chris?"

"No!" I answered promptly. "I mean, I think I don't. I don't feel like I like her, I don't want to like her, I don't like her, I…I don't even _want_ to see her most of the time. I know I owe her a lot but…" Silena rolled her eyes at me and that made me shut up in surprise.

"Then just forget about what I made Clarisse understand, right?" She shrugged and smiled. "If you think I'm leading you into feeling things then all you have to do is ignore it, right?" She winked at me which was even creepier than her passionate talk from earlier. "I told Clarisse the same thing this weekend: if she doesn't like you and you don't like her, then I can't mess with your free will." Except she totally could. She let out a deep breath and then started gesturing towards the arena. I turned around to see who she was calling and found a girl walking bashfully in our direction:

"That over there is Anita Tamura, or Tamura Anita if you prefer. She's from Demeter cabin and she seems into you. If you don't like Clarisse, then I guess the least I could do is introduce you to the girl who was clearly into your bad boy vibe."

"My bad boy what?" I asked confused and then it hit. "_What?_ No!" I gasped unsure of what to do but the girl was already less than a feet away so I just turned around and smiled nervously and, despite all of my protests, Silena introduced us and then walked away humming a song (which, now that I think about it, was a bit of a cruel thing to do; introducing two people and then walking away while singing, I think).

I suppose she was really mad at me or something.

I was still watching the spot from where Silena had left when Anita sat next to me putting her sword and shield aside:

"You look a little scared." She said and I looked at her:

"Scared?" I raised an eyebrow. "Why would I ever be scared of Silena Beauregard?" I said that without thinking it through of course, since I could easily come up with at least a dozen different ways of Beauregard getting me killed (and Beckendorf was a crucial part of eleven of them). To my surprise, Anita smiled at me:

"You're probably right."

It was the weirdest feeling and I couldn't really point out why; maybe it was that I just wasn't used to people agreeing with me or supporting my opinions but the whole conversation felt like a supernatural experience. Anita was rather pretty, actually – she was half Asian, she told me (something to do with rice being a cereal too, I guess) – and she didn't look much like her other siblings. She had full lips and brown eyes and she laughed at all of my jokes and when I offered to help her with her sword skills, she actually _thanked_ me. I wasn't used to that type of appreciation at all.

"Hum, Chris…" She started after we arrived at the center of the arena. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure!" I smiled cheerfully. "Is it about that move I just did? I know it seems hard at first but after you get it, it becomes really easy and it's quite useful when you're fighting smaller monsters and…"

"No, no!" She blushed and almost dropped her shield on the ground. She was very cute, now that I thought about it but the way she was always avoiding to look me in the eye made me a bit uneasy. "Though that move was really cool! I could hardly see you moving at all! It was fantastic!"

"Thanks!" I replied feeling uncomfortable. I knew I was a good fighter but I wasn't used to being praised like that. Not when I was in the same cabin as Luke, not when my sparring buddy was a daughter of the god of war. "So what is it?" I asked and she avoided my eyes again.

"It's complicated, I think…" She said staring at her shoes. "Or maybe it isn't, I don't know, it depends on how you feel about it…" My instant reaction was to assume the worst: she wanted to know how to join Cronus' army, she thought I was still a part of it, something like that or worse but I was wrong. What she had in mind was a lot simpler:

"Are you going to the fireworks next weekend?" The words spluttered from her mouth all at once and she looked really red (what made me turn a bit red too) and it was my turn to drop the weaponry I was holding.

"_Huh?_"

She blushed even more furiously and waved her arms at me frantically:

"I don't mean it like a date or anything!" She inhaled some air to gain confidence. "It's just that I…I think you're really nice and cool and…" She didn't say anything else so I started thinking.

I had just met Anita and I thought she was pretty awesome. I mean, she was attractive and she knew about my past but it didn't bother her and she had enough guts to ask me out. I had every reason to tell her I'd love her to go with me to the fireworks. She was sweet and funny and she laughed at my jokes.

So why would I ever say no?

It would kill all of the rumors, it would stop all of this nonsense and I'd have a girlfriend – sort of. We had just met so it would be just the right amount of awkward and not the totally messed up, awkward thing I had going on with…_other people_. Also, I liked the idea of having someone to count on and to protect, someone who would think I was nice and agree with my ideas and support my opinions and admire my fighting skills…You know, unlike…_other people_.

So I heard this voice in the back of my head - a healthy voice, like a conscience, not like a creepy voice inside me or anything like when I was inside the labyrinth – and it asked me what I really wanted.

"Isn't settling for someone who likes everything you do just like giving up? Where's the challenge of being with someone who thinks everything you do reeks of sunshine and rainbows?"

No, it wasn't! Being with someone who liked everything I did was the right thing for me and Anita was cool and awesome and pretty and we'd have the cutest multiracial babies someday no matter what ideas that stupid daughter of Aphrodite had put into my head!

There was no such thing as the red line of fate, Clarisse and I weren't connected by anything and we were just fellow soldiers who helped each other in a time of need. No love, no creepiness just random fellowship in times of war. If the fates wanted me to be lonely and sad, they wouldn't have sent me a beautiful daughter of Demeter to ask me out.

The fates were with me, I was going to ask her out, I was going to have a proper date. Nothing would stop me, the line wasn't real, all I had to do was say yes:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I shouted as I lunged, tackling Anita to the ground like a wrestler. She yelled, unable to understand what the hell was going on.

Coming as if sent from the skies, a huge spear flew in our direction in what seemed to be the speed of light and falling less than an inch away from Anita's head. Hadn't I jumped to protect her, she'd probably have become a demigod lollipop.

"Dear Zeus!" She managed to say once she understood what had happened. "You saved my life!" She breathed in and out again, very heavily. "Where did that thing come from?"

I noticed the spear's bright red color and the carbonized spot on the grass where it had landed on, then I sighed looking down at how beautiful Anita was and how cute it was that she was blushing over the fact that I was on top of her even though we had almost just died and that was way more important and then I looked up at the skies in frustration sighing one more time before telling her:

"I'm not sure." I groaned moodily "But I'm guessing it was a gift from the fates."

Stupid, _stupid_ fates!

"IS EVERYONE UNHARMED?" Clarisse entered the arena running, looking a lot less worried than she should have been, followed by even less worried cabin mates. I tried standing up as soon as I saw her but Anita's hands were clenched really tight around my shoulders. I could hear Clarisse talking to her siblings:

"Well, there seems to be no corpses, nor giant pools of blood around here so I'll just find Maimer and make sure it's ok so we can go back to training." Part of me was pretty sure the only reason she even bothered to go to the Arena was to look for Maimer and not to check on the wounded, really.

She finally spotted her beloved dangerous weapon and dashed towards us and then, only after she had retrieved Maimer safely and made sure it wasn't broken, she noticed us on the ground and the shocked people staring at her from a safe distance:

"Are you guys ok? Did the flying spear hit you?" I'm sure she was making an effort to sound worried but it still sounded like she was hoping to hear how dangerous Maimer had been. Like a proud mother listening about her baby girl's ballet recital.

"We're alright." I said turning to look at her. "Not thanks to you, _obviously._" She looked surprised when she realized it was me (but not enough surprised that I could rule out the possibility of it being intentional) and then her eyes noticed Anita there too and if she showed any emotion, it must've been really fast because next thing I knew she was scowling at me like usually:

"Oh, so it was _you_?" She stared at her reflection on Maimer's blade, cleaned some imaginary dirt from it and then looked back at me. "I should have aimed a little better then."

"Clarisse!" I said loudly, finally managing to set myself free from Anita's hold and standing up to face her. "You almost killed Anita!" I pointed to the girl on the ground and Clarisse stared at her with narrowed eyes, as if deep in thought:

"Anita?" She asked. "Your name's Anita?"

Scared to death, from what I assumed by her facial expression, Anita nodded. Clarisse shrugged:

"I remember you. You suck at wrestling." She pointed out matter-of-factly.

"_REALLY_?" My shout covered the sound of Anita's apologies over her sucky abilities as a fighter. "YOU ALMOST _KILL _THE GIRL AND THAT'S _ALL _YOU HAVE TO SAY TO HER?"

"If she was a better warrior, she would have dodged faster." Clarisse shrugged.

"SO-NOT-THE-POINT!" And, before I realized, we were at it again: yelling at each other like a couple of banshees. Anita kept apologizing over being a lousy fighter and I yelled at her too:

"YOU-DON'T-HAVE-TO-APOLOGIZE!" She then proceeded to apologize over apologizing. "_Zeus! Please stop being so sorry about everything_!"

"Chris, don't yell at the girl, she just had a near death experience." Clarisse corrected me.

"AND WHOSE FAULT WAS IT?" Needless to say, by the time Clarisse and I stopped yelling, Anita (as well as the rest of her cabin and Clarisse's siblings too) were nowhere to be seen.

"You've just ruined my chances of getting a date for the fireworks!" I snapped at Clarisse and she rolled her eyes:

"You've ruined your own chances already just by being you, Rodriguez." At this point, I didn't even bother coming up with a comeback, I just sighed in frustration and sat down on the ground with my head on my hands:

"Oh, forget it!" I grunted. "There's no going back now; this is exactly the type of thing that gets me in trouble in the first place."

"Are you drunk?"

"What? No!" I assume I really wasn't making any sense to her so I rubbed my hands on my face in frustration and explained. "I just hate how people keep assuming things about us just because we fight all the time, this is not some stupid teen movie, you know?"

"Things?" She asked. "People assume _things_ about us? Like what?"

I looked up at her, ready for a sarcastic remark but her confusion seemed sincere. My jaw dropped: how could a girl kill five monsters all by herself, lead an entire cabin of soldiers and still remain as dimwitted as a box of marshmallows, really?

"Never Mind." I said. "It's just something stupid."

Clarisse didn't say anything but she sat next to me on the ground. For the first time since she had showed up earlier, I was having a chance to look at her face and look for Silena's so called "improvements" to her appearance. Under her armor and helmet, it was really hard to notice anything except for clothes.

"Are you wearing pajamas?" I asked half confused, half amused. Clarisse looked down at herself and scowled:

"Yuck, don't get me started! Princess bought me a whole new wardrobe and everything in there is awful, so I'm sticking to my old clothes and pajamas."

"Whatever happened to your old clothes?"

"I'm guessing she paid someone from your cabin to steal and hide them but I intend to get them back soon enough." She gave me the scariest smirk ever and I pitied all of my siblings. The mention of the weekend, however, brought other subjects to my mind and I suddenly felt my mouth going really dry. I wondered whether Silena had been honest about Clarisse making some sort of "realization" during their trip and that seemed absurd but I had no idea why I said what I said then:

"You know, that Anita girl…I was just helping her with her combat skills." Clarisse stared at me, both eyebrows raised and I kicked myself for saying anything.

"I thought you had said something about me ruining your chances for a date?" I didn't say anything. "So you were just helping her improve her skills, huh?" I nodded. "Well, too bad for her, you suck too." She concluded, standing up and getting ready to walk away.

Yes, Silena had definitely lied.

"Clarisse!" I yelled even though she was already walking away and made her turn around to face me again. A thought had just occurred to me and even though it had a huge chance of it being yet another stupid theory that would blow up in my face, I just had to be impulsive and ask anyway. "Did you intentionally throw that spear at Anita and I earlier today?"

Clarisse's face got beat red. My jaw hit the ground.

"You can't prove anything." She tried unconvincingly. "It was a mere coincidence."

"So what you're saying is that you _did_." My heart was pounding on my chest and I didn't like it because I had no idea why, Clarisse frowned:

"Don't get the wrong idea, happy pants." She said angrily and then she stared sheepishly at her combat boots. "Silena looked upset." She barely whispered.

I had expected loads of different answers but that surely wasn't one of them.

"Silena? You were defending Beauregard?"I chuckled. "Why?"

Clarisse gave me one of her meanest looks which only proved me right.

"I have no idea." She stared at her reflection on Maimer again and then back at me. "And it's none of your business so just keep your mouth shut and don't you _ever_ upset her again."

And then she finally walked away.

* * *

Later that day, as I sat on the crowded Hermes table for dinner, I was upset over many things:

1) I could still hear people talking about me behind my back.

2) I still had a Wednesday appointment with Mr. D

3) I had lost the chance of getting a cool date for the fireworks on the 4th of July.

4) The girl who was earlier willing to ask me out was now avoiding me as if I was the bubonic plague.

5) I was pretty sure she was avoiding me over a rumor I had heard about Clarisse LaRue trying to murder any girl who tried to "approach her property".

6) People were actually calling me Clarisse's property.

* * *

**A/N: **_So, that was it. Since there's a new chapter between this one and chapter eight, I think the fireworks will only happen on chapter 9 now. As I had said, this chapter lacked on the funny side but, if I'm lucky it was fluffy enough to distract you from that. It's ok to hate Chris a little after this, I mean, he's all filled with doubt for no reasons at all. I'll work a lot on his doubts next chapter and I hope you'll like it. :) Please, please, please, please leave a review with what you liked and hated because that's what motivates me to write and now that I'm free from school for a month, motivation can be really useful! _


	11. Very Important Note Please Read

**I have received the following review that has truly bothered me:**

"**Anon:****  
****1/28/12 . chapter 1**

**You are homophobic.**

Just thought I'd get that out there."

Usually, I wouldn't add a new chapter just to reply to a comment but since this one is rather harsh, I decided to leave this message to make sure everything is clarified.

No, I'm not homophobic. Do I make homophobic and racist jokes? All the time. Things I add to the story and that – I understand – may be offensive to the more radical but let me clarify things.

I come from Brazil, this settles two main ideas: 1) Words are not that strong for me because they are not my first language and 2) Our ideas of prejudice for sex and race are different because we come from a "liberal", multi-racial country.

It offends me to be called homophobic when I have more than once fought on the streets for gay rights, when I'm surrounded by gay friends for whom I care dearly and when, I – myself – have been closely involved with trasgenders, lesbians, gays and asexuals.

So no, I'm NOT homophobic. There will be jokes and even harsh words sometimes but, even though I'm sorry they may or may not offend you – I have a close relationship with the gay community – being in the theatre, studying for a Fashion Major and just having a huge majority of gay friends. I care about these people and their rights and I'd never do anything to offend you. I'm assuming your comment is based on the once or twice I've mentioned lesbians on this story and the huge amount of times Chris is scared for his sexuality. I just want to let it CLEAR that those comments were NEVER intended as a offensive. Gay is NEVER offensive. What I do have though, is a sense of freedom of speech that comes from living among friends and family who use this type of language and, once again, for not being an English native speaker. I also believe that Chris is speaking – not me – whenever he thinks Twilight is gay or knowing the brand of shoes is not very manly. This type of joking is not offensive on big levels, it's a 17-18 year old character having his own issues.

If any of you ever thought me to be offensive or homophobic, please let me know because no, I'm sorry if that's how I come out to you – I'm not homophobic. I'm actually that person sitting in the room who will raise a hand and complain when their parents are wondering whether or not the "gay man died earlier because he had aids" and the person who will force you into a discussion when the sentence "you chose to be gay" comes to the table.

I believe in justice, I believe in freedom. I believe in gay rights and I also believe I should be able to joke around lightly around the subject especially when speaking through one of the characters and not as myself.

I'm very offended right now but I'm also hoping none of you ever felt harmed by anything I ever wrote so, please, anon, if you are reading this, do tell me if I've clarified myself but tell me who you are so I don't have to go against the site's rules.

This post will soon be added to an author's note and I'm sorry for all of you who came here expecting a new chapter. As many of you know, I'm going through a rough patch right now – with my grandma (who raised me) dying – so this is bound to cause a longer delay on updates.

Sorry for everything and give me some feedback.

The story will be back soon, I promise I'll try.

Love,

Thatu/Clichesbullet


	12. Chapter 8

**Calamity Clarisse**

**A/N:** _Well, I'm here at last. I've said before and I'm going through bad times at home so my updating schedule may get even more messed up but NEVER GIVE UP, I'm just starting to get in the parts I really wanted to write. I had a lot of fun writing all of Chris and Charlie scenes and I really hope you enjoy everything about this chapter. I'm actually kinda proud of it so it would really be nice of you to tell me your favorite lines in reviews, I wanna see what you guys think so, please, get back to me on this one. AND GET READY FOR THE FLUFF THAT IS COMING YOUR WAY ON THE NEXT CHAPTERS._

_Love,_

_Thatu_

**Chapter 8:** I really, really, _really_ hate Beckendorf

"_Yesterday you'd forgiven me/ but it'll still be two days 'till I say I'm sorry."– (One Week – Barenaked Ladies)_

I'm a demigod. That means I've seen all sorts of scary things. Back when I was three, for example, my father left me in daycare for a few hours and ended up having to pick me up earlier because the woman in charge called him and said – through sobs and tears – that I had just made friends with a huge bobcat.

Newsflash: It wasn't a bobcat. We weren't _friends_.

So, ever since I can remember, I've been surrounded by dangerous, scary things.

You know, like Clarisse.

All in all, one would think all of these encounters would help a guy get used to the whole thing, but let me tell you something: there's no monster, no beast (not even inside Daedelus' labyrinth) that can quite prepare for the sight of Charles Beckendorf inside your bedroom in the middle of the night, holding a crowbar.

"WHAT THE HADES?"

"Nice of you to join us, Rodriguez." He snickered. I took a good look around and saw my cabin mates were still in the process of waking up and getting dressed. "Now be quiet and follow us."

I checked my watch:

"It's 3 a.m.!" I know, right? The irony!

"Yes, it is! And we're right on schedule, thanks for noticing." Beckendorf smiled from ear to ear. "The timing is exactly why it works so well; everyone else at camp is asleep, so _we_ get to have a secret Capture the Flag tactical meeting!"

I froze midway in the process of sticking my head inside my shirt:

"This is about _Capture the Flag_?"

Beckendorf, who was then talking to the Stolls about something, turned around with raised eyebrows:

"Yes, why?"

Did I mention he was holding a crowbar?

"Oh, it's just that it's, uh, _brilliant_." I rolled my eyes as I followed him outside cabin 11 and into the darkness of the woods.

* * *

"Rule number 1, friends, we have to know the territory!" Beckendorf spoke cheerfully to a bunch of grumpy, half-asleep teenagers. I could tell most of them were thinking up different ways to murder him and not get in trouble for it.

Or maybe that was just me.

Since Monday, things weren't exactly looking nice for me and that wasn't helping my mood. It's not like I was feeling sleepy or anything – I have some trouble sleeping at night ever since the labyrinth (I know, right? Me, of all people) - but I wasn't exactly on cloud nine!

Monday sucked – of course – with Beckendorf wanting to use me to get to Clarisse and Clarisse herself almost impaling the one girl who had shown something remotely similar to interest towards me; thus proceeding to scare her away completely. I also managed to argue with Silena and _maybe_ with Clarisse too (I can't even tell the difference anymore).

Tuesday we had javelin throwing lessons with Ares cabin and it didn't go really well. I'm not going into detail here but _someone_ threw one in my direction and, though _I _managed to dodge, the unclaimed kid training next to me at the time will be wearing an eye patch for the next couple of months. We also had to clean the cabin that day. Nothing especial there, I just really hate cleaning the cabin.

On Wednesday, well, it started off fine, I guess, with Silena doing the cabin inspection and saying she was sorry about her mood swing the other day but that didn't stop her from giving Hermes a one out of five, anyway.

But then, of course, on Wednesday afternoon, Mr. D decided the oil wasn't really helping his complexion _that _much and asked me to switch to a mix of Aloe, baby powder and yogurt.

It was as disgusting and traumatizing as it sounds.

I suppose Thursday – that being today - had a chance of not sucking that bad if it wasn't for the Beckendorf incident.

No, not this one; the _other_ one.

Because Silena had started talking to me again, Beckendorf seemed to forget all the conversation we had had earlier in the week so, during Strawberry Picking, he approached me:

"I challenge you."

I looked both ways seeking for someone else he could be talking to.

"You, Rodriguez, I challenge _you_." I fought back a chuckle out of respect for him.

"Sorry, shouldn't you have slapped me with a glove when you said that?" What can I say? A basket of strawberries was hardly as scary as a crowbar. I was feeling _bold_.

"Don't joke around, you know what I mean."

I sighed:

"Sure, why not? What are your terms?" Would I prefer to just go and take a nap? Yes. Did I want to beat Beckendorf just for the sake of being competitive and immature?

I'll let you hanging on this one.

Though I _should_ let you know that this type of thing was more or less how I got myself into Daedelus' labirynth in the first place.

"Simple!" Beckendorf smiled triumphantly. "Let's compare skill; the three most basic skills a hero should have."

I prayed to all gods for him not to say "Ancient Greek".

"Number 1: running. We race each other towards the Arena." Beckendorf must be mad competitive, I thought, why else would anyone ever challenge a son of Hermes to a _race_? "Number 2: trials of strength. We will challenge each other in carrying heavy stones."

"That doesn't sound like a basic skill…"

"And number 3!" He raised three fingers. "We climb the climbing practice wall with lava at the bottom!"

"And you want to do all that _today_?" I asked lazily. "I kinda wanted to, you know, _go live my life and stuff._"

"Don't lie to yourself, Rodriguez, you have no life. You nap, you eat, you dodge random stuff Clarisse throws at you and that's pretty much it."

I'd feel offended and say something if he wasn't right.

"Besides," he added. "Here's the cool part: it's all one big trial; the three of them! First we race each other towards the Arena, then we get there, grab the heavy weight and then race each other again towards the wall where we will drop the stones and race each other to the top as we climb and all sorts of attacks are allowed then!"

"Meaning we can drop each other on the lava even though it'd cause way less harm on you then it would on me?"

He tried to fight a smirk but failed.

"Well, yeah, but you're faster by nature and that's your advantage, so – all in all – we're pretty well balanced."

Not really, no.

"Whatever, I'll do it." Funnily enough, I'm pretty sure those were the exact words that got me the labyrinth quest.

On our way to the starting position for our race, we heard a voice coming from the left:

"Hey, where are you two going? Strawberry Picking isn't over yet!" Silena was dressed way too fancy to be picking fruit so I'm guessing her statement was more like "If I have to do it, so do you!" rather than "How dare you leave camp activities before they're over?"

"Er…" I started but checked Beckendorf's face for how he wanted to proceed. As much as I talked and joked to Silena about his jealousy being a threat to my life, I knew it wouldn't be cool to expose his ugliest side to her like that. I mean, he _did_ like her to the point of challenging an Hermes' child to a race.

As I had expected, his face was blank and he looked like he was daydreaming. Silena had an effect in most boys – me included – but no one reacted like Beckendorf. It was like she could suck his soul out of his body with nothing more than a glance in his direction.

Very Twilight-ish, really.

"Oh, us?" I took charge. "We are done already! Beckendorf…No, I mean, _Charles_ invited me to join him in some training!"

"What sort of training?" She didn't look like she was buying it. Maybe it was because he really hated being called by his first name, I don't know, but Beckendorf snapped out of his trance like magic and put an arm around my shoulder:

"Oh, you know, just _regular_ training." He chuckled nervously. "_Friendly _training."

I put my arms around _his_ shoulder:

"Like _bros_!"I could literally see the hatred in his eyes growing stronger when I said that. It was _blissful_.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" She believed him on the spot. Thanks for the trust, Silena! "It sounds like fun! What you guys going for?"

And then Charlie and I proceeded to explain – without much detail – what we had planned. Silena looked uneasy again:

"But isn't it dangerous?"

"Well yeah…" Beckendorf mumbled.

"BUT" I interrupted before he could ruin everything with his honesty and sincerity and all that other stuff we don't really believe in in cabin 11. "It's all for a greater cause!"

"Greater cause?" Silena and Beckendorf asked in unison.

"Of course!" I smiled. "Look, Lena, the truth is we know you don't like us not getting along and arguing all the time and, honestly, with the war coming up, we need to work on our friendship anyway. If we want to win, we must trust each other and what better way to bond other than through heavy training?"

I wish everyone could have seen their faces as I spoke. I really do.

"It's a known fact that going through dangerous situations together can increase the levels of comprehension, synchrony and sympathy with and towards your training partner. We wouldn't be risking our lives for just _anything_."

Except we totally already were.

"Oh, that's just lovely! I'm so happy you guys are getting along." Beckendorf and I exchanged fake smiles. "I'd hug you two right now if my hands weren't occupied."

I looked down to check Silena's hands and, sure enough, she had a bucket full of strawberries on her arms. Actually, I then realized, it didn't look quite like a bucket, it was more like…

"Is that Clarisse's helmet you're keeping your strawberries in?"

Silena looked down and giggled:

"I knew you would recognize!" Beckendorf gurgled and I stepped on his foot. He winced. "We both hate picking strawberries so we hid here to eat some and maybe chat a little to pass the time but Clarisse ended up falling asleep." She rolled her eyes. "I tried waking her up but she's like a rock! So, I just took her helmet off and played with her hair instead.

Like I said before, I've seen a lot of weird stuff in my life. Clarisse La Rue in full battle armor wearing an elaborated princess crown made entirely out of strawberries and twigs was just one more of them.

"Why is she wearing her armor for Strawberry Picking?" Beckendorf asked and Silena made a sour face:

"I have no idea; she just refuses to wear anything I bought her on our trip. She's always wearing her armor nowadays." She sighed. "And I think she's wearing her pajamas under it as well."

Clarisse made a swift movement and the three of us cringed.

All she did was yell a very bad word and turn to the other side though, still completely asleep.

Oh, well.

"Anyway, nice seeing you, Silena." I said, handing her our own baskets. "Just say it was you who collected it and Beckendorf and I will find an excuse later."

She thanked us and waved bye, all smiles. As soon as she was no longer on hearing range, Beckendorf said:

"Thanks for backing me up over there. I don't think Silena would appreciate us…"

I cut him mid-sentence:

"Don't mention it, it was no big deal. I love lying."

"Ok." He said. "And, by the way," he added once we had reached our marks.

"Yeah?"

"Call me Charles again and I'll rip the skin of your face with my teeth and then wear it as a mask."

Woah, touchy!

* * *

You're probably wondering how our little tournament ended. Well, let me tell you: it didn't go very well.

Shocking, I know.

However, any definition of "bad" used to explain our triathlon won't even _begin_ to describe it.

Sure, we raced each other (I had a real advantage there) and, sure, we had to handle about 60 pounds on our backs for part of the course (and I'll admit Beckendorf took the lead more than once during that particular part) and – sure enough – we almost killed each other a few hundred times in the climbing wall but none of those things were really as bad as they sound.

Because, as we reached the top (at the same time) with our faces and arms burnt, bleeding and with bruises all over our bodies, a face full of scorn appeared.

Clarisse's.

"You ladies sure took your time."

Clarisse, the same Clarisse who not less than 40 minutes ago was sound asleep on the strawberry fields.

"How did you _get _here?" I asked using all the air left in my lungs, Beckendorf was heavier and probably couldn't breathe all that well. She shrugged:

"Same way you did. Silena said you two were doing some sort of "boding by training" crap and insisted we did it too." She pouted her lips with mockery. "I thought; well, training certainly beats shopping and road tripping so, why not? We might as well try."

We bluntly ignored Clarisse's hand offering to help us up.

"And where's Silena?" Beckendorf looked around, worried. Clarisse snickered:

"Princess couldn't stand after the race to the Arena! She beat me to it though – in heels – so, I offered to carry her on my back for the rest of the course. She's right over there, reading a book." Clarisse pointed and, on cue, Silena raised her eyes from the book she was reading and waved:

"Oh, hey guys! Looking closer already!" And then looked down again.

Clarisse took a strawberry from her hair and ate it:

"What took you guys so long anyway?"

We never answered. In that moment, we had made a silent agreement to never speak of the time Clarisse La Rue had beat us in speed, strength, and climbing a burning wall all while carrying a daughter of Aphrodite on her back.

When I put it like this, I think I kinda understand why Beckendorf is so worried about Capture the Flag planning at 3 in the morning.

We need to get our pride back.

"Ever since the battle," he says "many of us have avoided the North Woods and Zeus' fist but we can't go on like that!" The campers look around, trying to guess what are the other's opinion. I sit against a tree and a dryad yelps, taken by surprise.

Beckendorf went on what felt like hours but, instead of boring us, his plans actually made our bloods pump. He had a way of talking.

"And finally," He said once he had finished explaining to the other campers what he had told me on Monday. "there's a little rule I'd like to let you know about: know thy enemy."

"We are up against what is probably the strongest team we could fix up for something like this: Ares and Athena, both war gods, working together but, don't worry, 'cause there's nothing a good strategy can't defeat."

Connor Stoll pointed out that Athena was the goddess of strategy and Beckendorf told him to shut or he'd be forced to swallow the crowbar.

Nobody said anything for a long time after that.

"Look, you guys, I know it's hard to believe we have any chance but remember that, even though they have Athena and Ares, the rest of their team is weak with Demeter, Dionysius and Aphrodite. Having this is mind, we are pretty much balanced out."

What is this guy's idea of "balance", really? I wasn't the only one finding that hard to believe, I mean, despite us all being good cabins in combat and stuff, we were still just Hermes, Hephaestus and Poseidon. And Poseidon is just this one guy who – no offense – rumor has it, can still be outrun by dryads!

However, because it had just occurred to me that Apollo cabin was at that reunion as well, I browsed around the camper 'till I found Memphis. Surely, there he was and we made eye contact for a couple of seconds and I looked into his eyes with the most murderous look I could come up with.

I can come up with a _boss_ murderous look.

Memphis tried to disappear behind one of his cabin mates.

Yeah, you _better_ hide, blondie!

"Now," Beckendorf called my attention again. "What we should really be questioning here is strategy. I've done some research of my own and now know for sure what I already suspected: Athena is in charge of their team."

Beckendorf looked behind his back and said something to the Stolls and to Jake Mason who disappeared into the woods right after.

"Isn't it weird that Ares would simply give up their leading position? I can only guess this is Athena's clever play and we won't stand a chance if we don't have a counter attack prepared."

Jake and the Stolls came back holding something I couldn't really figure out by the shape in the dark.

"The Ares children we are going against right now are the perfect war machines: strong willed, extremely skilled and, worst of wall, calm, cold and controlled by cabin 6's tacticians." People exchanged glances and nodded, worried. "The only way we stand a chance is with a surprise move and I have it right here."

That was when I finally noticed what exactly the three other guys were carrying. At first I couldn't really believe it but then I remembered just how competitive Beckendorf was.

"This, ladies and gentlemen," he presented proudly. "It's the red flag."

Everyone went silent at once. It wasn't common for people to steal the other team's flag. Usually, once a winner was decided, the flag would remain untouched in respect to the winner team, camp and the gods. That could be riskier than it looked.

"Guys, I know it sounds weird but listen up, ok? It's all part of a bigger plan. This isn't just some random prank or something." Slowly, people stopped whispering and paid attention to him.

"Like I said, we don't have a chance against Ares and Athena unless we go for their weak spots. Right now, what they have is a skilled, controlled army but all we need is one piece of information to destroy their scheme."

He took the flag from Jason's hand.

"Athena and Ares soldiers will be divided and spread equally as to balance their attack and defense. Athena will be in absolute control of Ares' rage, unless…" Beckendorf smirked. "Sun Tzu said "If your enemy is of choleric nature, irritate them."

A single hand raised in the air. It was Percy Jackson.

"Er, hm, Beckendorf, dude…No offense, man, that's a pretty cool idea and all but wouldn't enraging a whole army of children of the war god kinda like asking them to kill us slowly and painfully?"

Beckendorf pondered this question for a few seconds and then shrugged:

"Hm, yeah, I guess but there's a risk to every plan, right?"

All the other campers didn't seem to think it was right but nobody really dared going against Charles' ideas. I mean, he was taking Capture the Flag to a whole new level of madness. Percy tried a smile and said:

"Oh, sure." And then disappeared in the crowd.

"We are Apollo, Hermes, Hephaestus and Poseidon; and we are going to send them a clear message." He showed us the red flag again. "Mocking their security and stealing this, that was Hermes' message we will then throw it in the lake to let it so wet it won't be dry 'till late around noon – that's Poseidon. And then, the finishing touch!" He took an arrow from his tool belt. "My latest creation: this little beauty is super thin and precise but and, obviously, Apollo will use it to attach the flag to the top of the climbing wall but, more importantly…" He pressed a button in the shaft and a flame appeared on the fletching. "Amazing, huh? The fletching won't stop burning but the fire won't spread. That's my cabin's statement."

Crazy. Beckendorf was crazy.

And obvious too, I mean; the climbing wall? Really?

I had no proof, of course, but I had this theory that Beckendorf was actually more jealous of Clarisse than of me. All this time she spends bonding with Silena in a way he never gets to…It must really get to him.

But, c'mon, not even Beckendorf would be this possessive and obsessed, right?

"Now, to the last and probably most important topic of this meeting: Destroying Clarisse La Rue."

Ok, so he was! No surprises there!

"It'd be naïve of us to think Clarisse would just gladly step out of the leader post and simply follow her peers into battle. She'd never go for nothing but less than a crucial part of the operation and, as much as I hate to admit it, it'd be naïve of Athena to not put her on an important job." He stared at us, his eyes piercing even in the dark. "She will be fazed by our little maneuver like everyone else but she's not like the rest. She has dangerous self-control and will power; enough to become a whole different threat on her own."

"That's debatable." Michael Yew from Apollo scoffed and his cabin mates went into a fit of giggles. Beckendorf glared at them and the noise seized immediately.

"Do any of you have any idea how long had it been since Ares cabin had a girl leader before Clarisse joined camp?" He asked darkly but nobody made a peep. "Twenty years." And, before people could react, he added:

"What about a girl leader who lasted over a year in the post; do you know how long had it been since the last when Clarisse got here?" Everyone was still quiet. "Over a hundred years."

You could actually _touch_ the silence now, if you tried.

"So no, Michael, whether Clarisse is a threat or not is _not_ debatable." You could feel the smell of guilt in the air now. "Everyone here knows how we are allowed a chance to challenge the current cabin leader for the position, right? How frequently do you think it happens in Cabin 5, think about it. Every week, three time a week, Clarisse is challenged by a newbie and she comes out a winner every single time."

I already knew all that so I wasn't exactly overwhelmed or surprised like the other campers but I was a little shocked Beckendorf knew and respected her so much. Clarisse was always going on and on about how she never really got respect and it made me wonder whether this new attitude from the guy was actually just to make the idea of losing to her less awful on his head or if it was just something he had picked up from talking to Silena all the time.

Maybe both.

"As I was saying, Clarisse is not naïve enough to let her anger get the best of her battle strategies, at least not anymore. She'll use it as a motivation to kill." Cue the sound of dozens of teenagers swallowing their saliva nervously. "Luckily for us, I'm pretty sure Clarisse's job will be far away from our battle line but it's important you all understand how big her part truly is and how crucial it is for us that she is defeated. She's the leader, the head, the motor…In many ways, Clarisse is the _heart_ of Ares cabin."

Everyone there snorted at once. Beckendorf rolled his eyes:

"Ok, maybe not the _heart_. She's the soul of Ares cabin."

More snorts.

"The voice?"

Snorts.

"The…impulse?"

Pff.

"Ok, I get it! Clarisse is the source of all evil and we all know that what Ares children feed from. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

There was silence for a second – while people looked for each other's opinions – and then there were general agreement.

"Good." Beckendorf sighed. "Now that this is settled, I want you all to know that I'm already aware of Clarisse's position. I assume she was initially charged with taking care of the flag hideout but will try to battle among the soldiers once she sees what we did." He smiled. "Annabeth won't let her do it and she'll be too proud to leave her post anyway, so we are ok." He sighed and then stared right at me.

"As for dealing with Clarisse…"

And then I knew he'd use that moment to humiliate me, to joke about me being the first lady of Ares cabin or something. I knew it and I hated it.

"…Don't you guys worry about that. I already have it all taken care of with a top secret plan."

I blinked three times; unable to believe he had missed an opportunity like that.

"Now, please, will everyone follow the Stolls to the next meeting spot where we will be handling the flag." He said with a smile and everyone obeyed. You could tell people were feeling cheerful, confident…They didn't even mind losing sleep over a camp activity. At least not as much as before, I guess.

I stood behind and Beckendorf didn't seem surprised to see me there at all:

"I thought you'd want to talk." He chuckled.

"I thought you'd want to expose me and enjoy my humiliation." I replied.

"I would." He admitted with a wave. "But I owed you for the strawberry fields the other time."

"Oh." I rolled my eyes. "So noble."

If he felt any guilt, it didn't show.

"You do understand that me not mentioning our little plan doesn't free you from decoy duty, right?"

"I feel like a piece of meat when you talk like that." I whined dramatically and he laughed out loud at my misery:

"As long as you are a distracting one, we're all good, Michelle."

And then we followed the rest of the campers further into the woods. I don't care how offended Beckendorf and I were by Clarisse's flawless victory, I still hated being the first lady.

* * *

We were slightly wrong when we assumed the Ares' children would be pissed at us for the little maneuver with the flag.

Mostly because "pissed" didn't _begin_ to define their attitude the next day, really.

Let's just say there were some punches, some cussing, some violent attempts at ripping people's throat with a table spoon and just a minor– and, by all means, accidental –mutilation of one's limbs. Then Mr. D showed up, turned a few campers into shrub for a couple of hours and things seemed to calm down for a while.

The weirdest part was probably the fact that, through the whole thing, Clarisse was missing. I double checked just to be sure but she really wasn't a part of the angry mob beating up the youngsters from Apollo.

And, believe me, I knew a thing or two about Clarisse La Rue and passing on beating up children of Apollo was _not_ like her. Not like her _at all_.

Since everything seemed to be under control and mostly because I knew I'd have enough time to find out where Clarisse had been all day later (since I'd be following her closely for about two to three hours straight), I decided to make my way to the beach and maybe take a nap there.

And, ok, I'll admit it; Clarisse not being on the mob wasn't the weirdest thing to happen during the mayhem that followed the stolen flag; there was something else.

"PLEASE, HELP ME!"

I turned around mostly as a reflex, I mean, all in all, it's not like a scream for help is any news at camp. However, to my joyful surprise, the person running in my direction with a face red from the exercise and despair on his eyes was no other than Memphis.

I cracked a smile in the exact moment he became close enough to realize to whom he had just asked for help.

_Best-moment-ever._

"_You!_" He narrowed his eyes at me as he spat words. I looked behind him and I could see a group of very violent looking Ares children coming full force in our direction. My grim grew larger and Memphis looked over his shoulder. "Ugh!"

"Not looking really nice for you, Pal." I fought a chuckle. Memphis eyes looked desperate and scared. I would've felt bad for him, but then again, it _was_ kinda his fault I was stuck following Clarisse up and down instead of actually participating in Capture the Flag that night.

"Oh, c'mon, man! You _have_ to help me."

I raised an eyebrow at him and then looked over my two shoulders as if looking for someone else he'd be talking to.

"Rodriguez, c'mon, please!"

I stopped smiling:

"Why should I?"

"Because!" He pleaded. I raised my eyebrows again and played with the sword on my belt. I'd need more than that. "Because you're good at running and hiding, because you're son of Hermes, because you know how to deal with Ares' monsters, because they seem to stay away from you, because…" Memphis stopped, trying to think of something better to get some reaction out of me. "Because…you're gorgeous and have awesome hair?"

"Wait, what?"

Memphis checked over his shoulder again to find the angry mob was approaching terrifyingly fast.

"I don't know, man! Help me hide or something." He stamped his foot. "I know I was a jerk to you but those guys will kill me and they won't kill you." He swallowed his own saliva and, in a second of calm, he looked at me in the eye. "I hate that I have to ask you for help but the thing is, I'm only here because those guys are _crazy._" He pointed towards the mass of red, black and camo pants coming towards us. "They were going insane with violence and I was hiding, trying to hit them with arrows and stuff from places they couldn't spot me but then…" Memphis grunted, looking for breath to go on. "But then they saw Melody, one of my half sisters…And, man, she's like twelve! She had nothing to do with Beckendorf's stupid flaming arrow; it wasn't fair."

"So you let your hiding place."

"I was a decoy."

We were quiet for a couple of seconds. I sighed. He stared at me. I stared at the mob.

"Come with me, you stupid jerk."

Before Memphis could finish thanking me, we were already up in a tree about four feet away from the ground and at least half a mile from where we had met up.

We watched as the mob approached, searched , found nothing and went on with their kicking and screaming (just to a couple of minutes later run into Mr. D and be turned into Shrub as detention).

Memphis breathed in and out as he stared down. He finally gather enough courage to look at me:

"Thank you." He said, his voice heavy with – yuck – real gratitude.

"Don't mention it." I shrugged, getting ready to climb down the three. "Also…"

"Yeah?"

"Am I really gorgeous?" I blinked repeatedly. Memphis looked disgusted but laughed anyway.

"Don't try the puppy dog eyes look, man. You look like a psycho hobo having a stroke."

"Oh, so we are back to "not so nice", now that I'm done saving your ass, is that it?"

He laughed louder:

"Not at all." He was serious. "I owe you, dude. I really do."

Again the thankful thing. Didn't Memphis know I had a penance thing going on? From someone who was at some point willing to help titans rule the world and destroy society as we know it, find a safe tree to climb and save a demigod wasn't exactly a favor as much as it was an duty.

I rolled my eyes:

"I said it already: don't mention it." I meant it and started climbing down but Memphis stopped me again:

"They'd kill me."

"I doubt that."

"They'd_ kill _me." I considered just fun the idea of killing Memphis looked. He had a killable face, he really had. Not his fault, most Apollo children were born with that.

"Yeah, they would." I shrugged, admitting him right. Memphis smiled:

"I didn't like asking for help and I hated doing it but I'm glad I did." He said. "But I hate owing people so, just so you know…" He hesitated. Maybe it was because my lower half was hanging from a 4 feet tall three, I don't know, but I felt slightly uncomfortable at the moment. " Just so you know, I have your back too, man. I'm going to save you too."

I would have laughed but that would've probably been impolite and hurting so I just sighed:

"Sure, sure." If I could, I would've patted his head like a pet. The only way Memphis could possibly help me would be by stepping out from Arts and Crafts and letting me sleep. "I'll be looking forward to that."

And then I left for my nap. I would have slept in that comfortable tree but I don't think it would be really nice. Memphis being there and all.

And the weirdest part still was that, for a second, it almost looked like I had made a friend.

* * *

"Ok, you know what to do, right?" Beckendorf approached me as the teams lined up for Capture the Flag. I rolled my eyes while buckling my armor around my ribs:

"Stay there and look pretty." I said. "Isn't that what you want me to do?"

He chuckled:

"Oh, c'mon, don't be such a jerk about it. It's a decent job." Sure it was decent; it was the oldest of all jobs. "You follow her, make sure we find the flag and keep her distracted enough we can sneak up behind her and win the games. Besides…" Beckendorf's eyes bored into me for a while. I looked up at him and, I swear, for a second it looked like he was about to apologize for everything:

"You look surprisingly tanned and dangerous tonight so work it, babe!" And then he slapped my bum.

He.

Slapped.

My.

Bum.

"Now off you go!" He stopped smiling and ran into the woods to meet Percy Jackson and try out their new gadgets or something.

"I'm not your whore!" I yelled, but I don't think he heard me.

I sighed.

Once I was left alone, I had no other choice but to start chasing Clarisse so I could offer her some _"mocco choco la ta" _or something in the lines of that – whatever it was distracting and used my – to quote Beckendorf – "dangerous and tanned" looks.

Even though I was complaining, I knew finding her wouldn't be hard. Shockingly (not), it wasn't the first time someone set me up for that job and I was pretty much used to her routes and hiding spots.

I got into the woods and disappeared in the woods using my godly stealth skills; I could see a lot of Demeter kids in there – like we had predicted – watching out for their own snares, waiting for someone to get caught in their traps. Being naturally good at hiding, I never got caught in one of those, but I should probably add that I owed that more to knowing the woods so well from all the times spent napping rather than to my godly parent.

And people saying sleeping all the time wouldn't pay off. _Pff!_

It took me quite a while to find Clarisse – at least compared to what it usually took me. She was very well hidden, I guess, because I searched for so long, I ran into the same Aphrodite son about five times and each time he'd be making out with a different girl.

By girl number 3 I already hated how he was living the life and I was stuck with Beckendorf as my pimp. Therefore it sounded reasonable to throw a small to medium sized rock on the back of his neck from where I was hiding.

What can I say? I'm bitter.

I finally found Clarisse and, once again like we had predicted, she was sitting all by herself away from all the action. The one problem is that she didn't seem to be guarding any flags at all.

Not being really sure of what to do next, I just climbed up a tree and stood there watching her from a distance for a while.

Ok, I just realized how creepy it sounded – but, oh well, I did anyway.

Being a born thief, not only is my stealth really good but I can also see rather well in the dark so, even with the very dim light that shone through the treetops, I could still see everything clearly. Like before, she was wearing her full armor (though at least this time she had a purpose) over pajamas – a hoodie and sweater pants – and it looked downright weird. Especially with combat boots. She kept pacing from side to side and I just stood there and wondered what was her function since she wasn't guarding the flag at all.

It was a weird feeling, now that I could think about it, to be able to watch Clarisse without her knowing I was even there (once again, this sounded creeper than what I planned).

I'm not saying she was ever relaxed around me or anything but I knew for a fact that she had changed since I had regained my sanity. To be totally honest, even before that, I was gone for two years. Her changing may not even be related to me at all. She had been to the labyrinth too, that alone was enough to turn someone upside down.

The thing was, though, that since I had come back from madness, things were different between us. Not different good or different bad, just, you know, _different_ and being able to watch her on her own – even if she was just walking from a point to the other of the forest – made me feel a little weird. Like I said, it's not like she was ever _that_ relaxed around me when we were younger, what was really getting to me were the memories from the time "in between" then and now.

Mr. D had brought me back saying that my penance would be to remember and to _rue_ things (he also conveniently forgot to mention the part about rubbing oil on him from the deal) and, when he said "remember", I didn't really grasp the concept as well as I should have.

The memories I have from my time of madness are all blurry: Sometimes I'll be inside the labyrinth running away with Mary before she got killed, sometimes I'd be with her ghost telling it to go away and then, these images get mixed with other ones; like when pictures get printed over each other and you can't really tell what is what.

And then, when that happens, I'm not entirely at the labyrinth anymore; I'm at Phoenix, Arizona and it's super cold even with air conditioning on the house and, instead of cold stone walls, I'm looking at "Vixen" posters on the military green walls and glow in the dark stickers organized like the constellations on the roof. And, of course, instead of Mary's ghost, I see Clarisse.

And the Clarisse I see in those memories scares me (not in the usual way).

The Clarisse I'm watching from the tree is probably the closest thing I'll get from the girl in my memories and, even her, is not an exact match.

I can't remember things properly, all I have are fragments and confused stuff in my head but I do recall a few things, they come in flashes and strike me when I least expect.

I remember the first time she sat next to me for a visit; I was in her bed and she stared at me blankly for a long time before opening her mouth. I remember that I got sent to her room because she thought "the guest room is too clean to mess up" and because "I hardly use my bedroom anyway".

If I try hard enough, I can actually hear her voice when she tells me the first thing she will ever tell crazy me:

"I'm only here because my mom made me."

When I think of it right now, it's hard to understand how she could act so cold. I'm not saying she should have pitied me or shown affection, I'm saying that Clarisse doesn't _do_ cold. She does maiming and killing and slow removal of limbs, she doesn't do passive-aggressive or cold shoulders…Even though I was sick beyond my mind (literally), she'd still have yelled at me. Yet, she didn't.

"She says you showed up here and she recognized the armor. I don't know how you got here or why but she tells me I have to talk to you."

The Clarisse from now checks her watch and twiddles Maimer just to pass the time. Even on her own, she's still nothing like that other girl.

"Chiron is coming to see you, I don't know what they're gonna do about you." She blinks for what seems like the first time since she walked in. "It's probably bad."

Then she stands up and leaves. All my other memories are incomplete and I know there are huge gaps between them because I can distinctly see changes on Clarisse's behavior. At points she'd be the same zombie-like Clarisse from the first memory and, on the next, she'll be sitting right next to me on the bed – and not on the chair – her feet folded under her knees, as she waves her arms and tells me about how awesome her day was because she got to use a demolition ball.

That's a Clarisse I'm curious to see again though I'm pretty sure I won't. I study present Clarisse in hopes to find traces of that girl there but I can't find anything, not even when I look her right into the eye.

That is, for the half second it takes me to realize that looking someone into their eyes means they are probably looking right back at you.

Oh.

She immediately throws Maimer at me with ninja-like precision.

I dodge with ninja-like reflexes.

I fall from the tree nothing like a ninja.

Clarisse walks up to me , grabs Maimer from the spot it had fell on and, not bothering to offer me a helping hand, she rolls her eyes and say:

"I thought you might show up."

* * *

**A/N:** So, how was it? Things were getting too long so I added another chapter to my plans.I liked this chapter a lot actually and the next one is also pretty good in my head right now. _There's a lot of fluffy coming for Clarisse and Chris on the next couple of chapters so you guys just WAIT. The last scene on this one, with Chris thinking about the "other Clarisse" works like a parallel to that scene where Clarisse watches him sleep on one of the first chapters, I think, it's also a hint for what the next chapter will really be about._

_P.S.: Also, I want to thank everyone for the support, you have all been so nice about the anon hate, my grandma and the story in general, I'm really thankful. I know I haven't been the best on replying to reviews but I'll try to get back to all of you._

_Meanwhile, I uploaded a new one-shot for Heroes of Olympus. You guys should check that as well if you have the time. :)_


	13. Chapter 9

**Calamity Clarisse**

**A/N:** _Well, I'm here. This chapter has been written for a long time but I'm having close to no free time lately. Anyway, since I'm bed sick, I'm finding the time to update CC. _

_On a side note, how gorgeous does Leven Rambin look as Clarisse, huh? You can be excited or not about it but I just love her outfits and the fact that they are paying more attention to details on this one. Also, Stanley Tucci as Mr. D? Gorgeous!_

_And you won't see me complaining about their casting choice for Chris either. IF-YOU-KNOW-WHAT-I-MEAN._

_Anyway, this chapter and the next will focus a lot less on humor but the bright side is that, if I did it right, you guys are in for a lot of romantic development. : ) _

_P.S.: Just fyi, I'm a big fan of the Apollo cabin. Clarisse, however… _

**Chapter 9: The Source of All Evil gets a Booboo**

"Yes it was childish/and you got aggressive/ and I must admit that /I was a bit scared/but it gives me thrills to wind you up." (Kate Nash – Foundations)

Ok, so Beckendorf was right: I had no life. It was eating, sleeping, dodging Maimer and that was it.

"You threw me off a tree!" I said as I cleaned the dirt of my kneepads and followed Clarisse further into the woods. "It was a tall tree!"

"Correction," She said without as much as turning around to look at me. "You _fell _off a tree while trying to spy on me like a creep."

"I wasn't spying on you!"

She turned her head around just enough so she could glare at me through her helmet. Sweatpants or not, Clarisse looked at least five times scarier under her head gear. And that was saying something.

"Ok, maybe a little." I admitted, feeling defeated. "But only because I had to! If I didn't follow orders, _Pimp-endorf_ would show me the back of his hand or something."

She raised an eyebrow and stared at me as if I had just had a minor stroke in front of her:

"…What?"

"I hate Beckendorf." I sighed. "He's mean and evil and bossy and treats me like I'm a piece of meat." I whined as sarcastically as I could manage so I wouldn't sound too pathetic but she just stood there looking as judgmental as possible before sighing:

"I thought you and Beckendorf were friends." I chuckled:

"People say the same thing about the two of us all the time and that never really stopped you from trying to slit my throat, now did it?" I crossed my arms. "Actually, I was just thinking about it the other day; when I was a kid, this huge monster tried to attack me and the people at daycare just assumed I had made friends with a dangerous wild animal."

"Point being?" She looked annoyed already. It always annoyed her when people ranted.

"Point being that I need to stop making friends. I'm not sure I like it." I made a face. " Way too life threatening, if you ask me."

She stretched her arms and rolled her eyes before resuming her walk:

"Whatever you say."

"I thought you'd be with the flag." I pointed out as I kept following her.

"I know you'd thinkt that." She agreed. "And so did Beckendorf if he sent you here."

"He was pretty sure I'd be able to distract you and steal the flag."

"Isn't that what they always think?" She threw herself on the grass and crossed her arms under her head, staring at the sky.

"I guess so." I shrugged.

Like I said, Beckendorf's plan wasn't exactly new; many people before him came up with the idea of using me to get to Clarisse; whether she was the flag keeper or just a threat they wanted out of their way as quickly as possible. We were both more than used to it. Had she been the flag keeper, I'd just insult her, make her chase me, leave her post for just enough time we could get our hands on the flag. If she was just a threat, I'd do the same thing, basically (except I'd have to run way faster since she wouldn't even hesitate before sprinting after me with her spear).

Beckendorf, however, was the first one to suggest I could distract her with, you know, that whole thing he said I should use. I hated him for pointing out that I could, for suggesting that I should and, most of all, for implying it'd work. Clarisse wasn't like him, she wasn't that type of person. Even if she liked me like he likes Silena – _even then_ – her duty would come first.

Even if her duty was just Capture the Flag.

"You were spying on me." She pointed out, her eyes still on the cloudless sky. I cringed but she couldn't see me, so I added:

"I told you; I had _orders_."

"You had orders to distract me." She corrected. "Not to stay on a tree waiting for me to take my clothes off."

"WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF?" I yelled at her accusation so offended, she cocked her upper body on her elbows and turned to face me. We stared at each other, my eyes burning with offense and her illegible; this quietness seemed to last for almost a minute.

And then she laughed.

"I wasn't spying on you!" I repeated knowing my ears were burning but that Clarisse wasn't paying attention anymore. "Why would you take your clothes off? I wasn't expecting anything, I was just waiting for the right moment to attack, I…"

"Christopher," She rolled on the floor and looked up to face me. "I was joking. You can shut up about it now, ok? I know strategy; I know what you were doing. Get over yourself."

She rolled back to her previous position. There was grass on her armor, she was wearing pajamas, she had called me Christopher and she wasn't guarding the flag. I had no idea what was going on anymore.

"I'm bored."

"Why aren't you keeping the flag?"

"You want to train or something? We could spar, I guess." I rolled my eyes at her in contempt:

"Who _are_ you? This is Capture the Flag, just charge me like a normal child of Ares, for crying out loud." I only had enough time to notice the smile curl on her lips and her fingers tighten their grasp around Maimer and then I was already in position, holding my sword as well as she was up with a jump.

One, two…

And then there we were; gritting our teeth, busy on a staring contest, frozen in our defense/offense positions. The thing about fighting against Clarisse, even after years of practice, is that she'd mix Maimer's power, _Wushu_ spear fighting and MMA moves all at once with a few other things here and there so it wasn't like you could predict her every move, if you know what I mean. This one time I was sure I had a safe victory when, all of a sudden, she dropped all her weapons and went for a Shinning Wizard. It hurt on both my chin and my ego.

She smirked and I chuckled:

"Not so bored anymore, huh?"

"You wish." She snored. "You're hardly enough to entertain me." Oh, on the subject of ego!

I narrowed my eyes at her but the key to winning against her was keeping calm and not letting these comments get to you, so I never did. I would study her movements, keep track of what she was doing so I could trace her plan of attack and come up with the right defense and attack of my own. Whenever she lunged at me from my right – knowing my defense was weaker there since I was left-handed – her own left was exposed and I'd make my move there. She'd manage to dodge but the fraction of second it took her to regain her balance was all I needed to go for a follow-up strike. The time I had spent insane had shrunk me a lot muscle-wise, that was given, but it also made me lighter, faster.

"Entertained now?" I said, trying not to pant and ruin the moment. She looked at me for half a second before flipping backwards in the sky, using my chest for impulse. "Now you're just showing off!" I said as she landed soft and safely on her feet about a foot away from me. She snarled but I think she was trying to giggle:

"I don't need to show off." She spun Maimer as if it was a light saber. "I'm just naturally cool, Speedy Gonzales."

My jaw dropped and I let go of my guard completely:

"_Speedy Gonzales_? That's a new one."

Clarisse looked genuinely proud:

"I know! It came up during the weekend! How come I never thought of it before? It covers so many different aspects of who you are!"

"Plus it's racist and you love a good and old race joke." I added with a scowl. She shrugged:

"It's a cool nickname, you know you love it. Don't be such a buzz kill."

I glared at her:

"I guess it's not that bad." I rolled my eyes. She chuckled and gestured for me to get my guard up again with her chin.

"Great, now _andale, andale_!"

Ok, so I laughed. I'm allowed to.

"I don't care how funny it is." I spun my sword like a light saber too. "I'm still kicking your ass today." She scoffed:

"Who's joking now?" She said using her free hand to throw a punch that, I knew, was meant as a decoy. I ignored it and dodged easily, getting hold of her wrist. This was a move I had seen a hundred times before. It was standart, simple, a 101 spar class sort of thing. Very unlike Clarisse.

Actually, everything seemed very unlikely about that fight. First of all, I was having time to think and that wasn't really how it usually went down. All her moves were dangerous, of course, but they were also slower than I remembered – and, believe me, I'm fast, I know slow when I see it. And there was no way I had gotten any better after all the time I spent lying on the floor and biting my nails scared of the labyrinth. No, this was something else. I knew every single move she used because they were all so predictable and basic, a newcomer could make them after a couple of weeks at camp. Sure, she'd throw one or two more dangerous moves here and there but I could see her hesitating still.

At first I thought this was part of a new strategy, that she was planning something else - something worse – but the strikes never got me.

"Clarisse," I said blocking her spear with my elbow and then by my left hand. "do me a favor." I used my free hand to send Maimer flying away from us onto the ground. "At least respect me enough to _pretend _you're fighting for real."

"What are you talking ab—" She was already snarling, defensive but I was so pissed off, I didn't even feel like prolonging the conversation.

"I told you I wasn't weak anymore, why would you even…" I sighed, stopping before I said anything else. "You know, what? Forget it."

I tossed my own sword aside on the grass and turned around, away from the conversation.

"Chris," Clarisse started again, sounding way less threatening than before but I ignored her. I threw myself on the ground and exhaled, angry.

For, like, five seconds – while we were sparring – things seemed like the way they used to be. Before I went into the labyrinth, went insane and betrayed everyone. Before Arizona and the apathetic Clarisse I didn't know, before Silena and Charlie and all that.

You see, the reason I was so fond of what I had with Clarisse before wasn't because we were friends – I'd never say we used to be friends – it was different than that. We hardly ever spoke, actually. We agreed and disagreed often and we used to trash talk people from time to time as well as betting against each other and training but that was all of it. The big difference came from the fact that we understood each other's anger.

Silena once told me Clarisse was the only one who didn't seem surprised I had joined the titans; she told me she was _positive_ Clarisse was just faking it to seem strong but I knew better. Everyone at camp liked me, they were nice to me and I was nice to them but, maybe because Chiron had handed me to her when I first arrived, she was the only one I could go to when I was really pissed off. Clarisse knew a rotten version of me no one else did.

Clarisse's rotten version of herself is Clarisse so that doesn't exactly apply to her but we used to sit and talk and smash things and that was good. Having someone who's aware of whom you can be was very comforting and I know it made her feel better about her own constant need to kill and maim. It made everything less lonely.

And then it was over because now everything's awkward and weird and we can't be ourselves or even fight and everyone thinks we are in love or something and oh gods, I hate everything.

I looked up and saw her staring down at me against the darkening skies.

"Chris," She attempted but I turned my head to the side so I wouldn't look at her face, she needed to take a hint.

Clarisse doesn't take hints.

"YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU WHINY PUNK!" She yelled, stomping on my chest, making me grasp for air. "I'M TALKING TO YOU AND I WON'T BE IGNORED, YOU HEAR ME?"

Had it been some other time I would have made a clever remark about how I _wouldn't_ listen to her but at the moment I was so beyond that, I didn't give her anything. We just stood there, her foot on my chest plate, suffocating me as we remained frozen in pure stubbornness.

We remained like that, my eyes always focused on a spot in the sky far away from her face, 'till she finally gave up and, awkwardly kneeled next to me and, even then, I didn't look at her.

So, to my utter surprise and confusion, she actually took one of my hands in both of hers. This time, I took a glimpse on her direction just to make sure I wasn't going senile (hey, it had happened once) but went back to nonchalant in a second.

"Okay. I get it." She sounded sincere but I could tell she was rolling her eyes behind my back. "You have all the reason to be upset, I'd probably be too if it were me." _Probably? _Had the roles been reversed, I'd already be impaled head over feet with her spear dodging all possible vital organs so that I could slowly bleed to death in excruciating pain. "But I'm not sorry for what I did."

Gee, what a plot twist. Not.

I glared at her and she smiled a smile that disarmed me a little 'cause I had never seen it before but that was hardly enough to get my mind off my hurt ego.

I expected her to say something else but she never did. Instead, she started taping her fingers on my hand nervously 'till she looked down and, as if she had just noticed it there, let go awkwardly. The conversation wasn't going anywhere and I couldn't stand the silence any longer. I used my elbows to lift my upper body and looked her in the eye:

"You know what I don't get?" She smirked and opened her mouth. "Spare me." She bit her lip, frustrated. I rolled my eyes.

"Here's the thing, Clarisse, I understand things are weird right now with people at camp staring at you and speculating about whether or not we are secretly making out every chance we get." The two of us cringed in disgust. "But that's no reason for you to do things like this. Actually, it makes even less sense because just last week you beat me up senseless just because I wouldn't call you a girl. If I recall well, you hit me repeatedly on the hair."

"Head." She corrected me.

"I don't care about my head." I waved her off. "Anyway, you are acting crazier than you ever did and, believe me, _that's_ saying something. _And_ I know a thing or two about crazy."

She kept pulling the grass from the ground with tightened fists nervously; no sign of an answer ever came out from her mouth.

"You forced Beckendorf to give up on a fight against me, you took his place, I beat you, you-"

"You cheated!"

"That's how winning happens in cabin 11, sweetie! Deal with it!" I rolled my eyes. "I'm trying to understand why you'd be avoiding fighting me when just the other day you were so willing to kick my ass?"

"I'm always willing to kick-"

"AHA!" I pointed at her face and yelled so loudly she looked sideways, startled. "Now that's a lie, isn't it? 'Cause you are _not _always willing to kick my ass!"

"I don't know how to respond to that."

I stood up at once and started walking in circles around her, spilling every thought that crossed my mind very accusingly – because I really like lawyer shows and this felt pretty great.

"You claim we are still the same, you say you still hated me and that you've always hated me but now, now you're afraid to hurt me with your spear or to fight with me for real but unless I really, really bug you like the girl thing the other day, you'll control yourself, won't you? 'Cause I'm still not over the labyrinth? 'Cause you think I'm weak because I went insane? Because you're afraid I'll lose it again? What is it, Clarisse? _What?"_

She had been staring at her knees the whole time I spoke and I knew she wouldn't be quiet for long so I pressured and pressured 'till she finally yelled:

"It's not because of you, you jerk. It's because of _me_!"

"What?" It was my turn to be startled.

"All you think is about how messed up you were and how awful it was that you went crazy but – " She stopped suddenly. Clarisse wasn't one to hold back her thoughts, yet – she did.

I took a sit right in front of her in the grass.

"No, don't stop talking." I told her. "Let's get this over with once and for all. I'm done pretending things are just like they were if they aren't. "

She finally looked at me and I saw something I had never seen in her eyes before. Honest fear.

"Go ahead, Clarissa. You can say whatever's bugging you. I promised Mr. D I'd take my penance. He said I'd have to deal with the rue of what I did so, please, be the rue." I smiled at my pun but I don't think she got the joke.

Clarisse rolled her eyes but she looked more tired than irritated when she spoke:

"_You_ are bugging me." I opened my mouth to protest but she cut me off "I'm not joking. I'm telling you the truth. It's your attitude that is making me upset, it's the reason I control fighting and the same reason I can't control beating you up from time to time." She bit the inside of her cheeks, I could tell she was hating every second of that conversation. "I know you for a long time, Chris, I know why you do most of the stupid things you do and I know it's usually because you don't think before you act."

"Oh, geez, you're one to talk." She glared at me again.

"I bet you a thousand dollars you went into that labyrinth because someone made it look like a dare, because you felt like someone believed you wouldn't do it." I bit my lower lip. "And then you recover and you expect things to go back to normal but they won't, right? You act like everything's cool but they aren't. "

"I was told to take my penance."

"Oh, spare me." She was getting angry at last, like she was finally saying what she wanted to say from the beginning. "You know why I don't want you to get hurt? It's not because I think you're weak, it's because you're unpredictable, Christopher. I had no idea you wanted to join the Titan's army, it's because I never knew you were hurting that much. You claimed you told me everything but you didn't. "

I kept looking down, speechless. Penance, I told myself.

"So I can't hurt you because I can never believe you're really ok. You say you are but don't you think I know you've been napping so much because sleeping at night is so hard for you? Don't you think people tell me about what you say if they find you asleep somewhere? The things you whisper or yell while you're having nightmares? I've seen it happen to all my brothers and sisters and I know you'll never tell me the truth about it, so, no, I can't hurt you because – no matter how well you say you are – I can't tell if you're lying anymore."

"I always believed in everything you said because you don't lie." She exhaled. "But then you ran away and you went crazy and I had to take care of you and I had – " She stopped. "You're reckless, you lie, you let your pride get the best of you and I won't risk having you go crazy or get hurt again because, in the end, I'm the one who has to deal with it. I picked up the pieces once, I can't do it twice. So, no, I'm not sorry I wasn't fighting for real. I can't tell anything with you anymore."

Silent fell on the meadow, Clarisse looked flushed with anger and from speaking more than I had ever seen her do. I didn't know what to say, it wasn't often that someone laid out everything they hated about me. No, sorry – that part happened frequently, I just usually didn't care about it. It was tougher than what I imagined and, for the first time, I felt the penance thing hit me for real.

"I made you go through a lot of crap, didn't I?" I started but she buffed in frustration.

"No, stop! I forbid you from feeling guilty!" She rolled her eyes. "I know it sounded like I was trying to guilt you into feeling sorry but that's not the point!"

"Oh, so, forgive me, but I really can't see the point clearly here." I added sarcastically.

"Point is, Chris, that I can't help worrying about what happens to you now because I can't think you tell me everything anymore. All the rest, the rest about having to take care of you, that was tough but – newsflash: the whole camp messes things up all the time and I have to fix it. You're no different!"

"So, basically, what you're saying is that I've damaged our relationship for good but, as for the rest, we are all good?"

"Yes." She shrugged.

"Well, that's great then, why didn't you say so earl…THAT'S NOT OK, CLARISSA!"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is it so bad that we have a damaged relationship anyway?" She shrugged again. "It's not like we were ever friends or anything."

I threw my head on the grass and moaned.

"What?" She asked. I rolled to the side and stared at her from my place on the ground.

"Remember when I went to see you in your bedroom the other day?"

"At three…"

"At three in the morning, yes. Remember that?" She nodded. "Back then, Silena had just talked to me about how we clearly had unsolved feelings for each other."

"You and Silena?" She raised an eyebrow, confused.

"No, Little Miss ADD, You and I."

"Oh." She swallowed her own saliva. "I already hate the direction this conversation is taking."

"Well, bear with me." I scratched the back of my head. "Of course, I never actually thought I had romantic feelings for you – well, not really. I mean, not for over half an hour or so…"

"What?"

"I think it was the charmspeak thing."

"Oh." Clarisse didn't look really disappointed or anything.

"Thing is, I still missed you. I still felt like we needed to talk, solve things out."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you said you can never tell if I'm telling the truth anymore because I'm so worried about looking ok about doing risky things and I kind of wanted you to know that I think," I sighed. "That I think I can be a grown up and let you know that it's ok if you know I'm not as ok as I say I am."

"You don't have to tell me anything." She pointed out coldly.

"I know, but, like I said, I wanted us to solve things because, even though I didn't know back then, I think this whole thing about us never really being friends is bull crap. So, please, take this conversation as my peace offering."

I gave this a second thought.

"No, a war offering. I know you like those better." And then she said something I never expected her to:

"Have you talked to your father?"

"What?"

"Your father, the one you said you'd talk to as soon as you got back on your feet. The one the crazy version of you forbid me to talk to."

"Clarisse, I don't see how…"

"You say I'm not fighting you for real but you're not annoying me as usual, you're avoiding to annoy people in general. You're not picking fights, not stealing things… You accuse me of backing off but you are doing the same." She gave me a confident smile. "You have to try and go back to who you used to be. It's not just lowering your head to everything people say."

"Clarisse, I've betrayed everyone."

"Yeah, I know." She snorted. "But it's not like everyone here's a saint either. She-Jackson is still totally into Luke Castellan, Beckendorf explodes his own campers all the time and don't let me get started on the Apollo cabin."

"What did the Apollo cabin do?"

"Oh, nothing in particular, I just hate them." We both chuckled. "Look, Chris, I know you have this penance thing going on but you can't let it define you. We can only be ok if you're ok."

I smiled:

"This is the weirdest conversation we've ever had."

"One would think so but you clearly don't remember the things you said when we were back in Arizona." She patted me on the helmet awkwardly and stood up. I followed her.

"I'm sorry you went through crap because of me." She looked back at me.

"I'm sorry you did crap then went insane."

"Thanks."

"No problem." She picked up her spear and stared at me. "Are we done talking?"

"Hopefully, forever." I said grabbing my own sword. "Do I get an honest chance of getting my ass kicked now?"

"We will see about that." She said but there was a smile on the corner of her mouth.

"You know, later we could bet on stand up peeing again."

"I wouldn't, if I were you." She scoffed. "I've had a lot of time to master my technique while you were lying on a bed, wearing adult diapers."

"Oh, that's right." I felt my cheeks burning. "I wore adult diapers, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did." She shrugged as to tell me it wasn't a big deal. Maybe it was something she was used to, seeing all of her siblings hurt in battles.

Desperation suddenly took over and I grabbed her by the wrist with my free hand, my eyes wide open in fear of a thought that had just crossed my mind:

"WHO CHANGED THEM?"

She stared at me in silence for a second, processing the question, and then let go of my hand disgusted:

"NOT ME, YOU WEIRDO!" And then, more calmly: "I think a nurse satyr did it while you were here and, back in Arizona, we asked a friend of the family who owns a bike shop near our apartment to…"

"LARS!" I yelled out of the blue, finally making sense of things. "Oh, gods, Lars!" I said again, _finally making sense of things_.

"Yes, Lars." Clarisse agreed with a puzzled look on her face. "You remember his name? He's a great guy."

"With surprisingly soft hands." I sighed, lying down on the grass again. I felt very tired for no reason.

"What?"

"Nothing."

I suppose I could have ended the conversation right there but then I thought _"we are already here we might as well go on."_

"It's not just Lars I remember." I told her with my eyes closed. "I don't remember everything but things keep coming back to me. It makes it harder to get over, of course, but Mr.D…"

"Mr. D said it was your penance, you told me that." I felt her sitting near me. "The old rag is such a pain." Some lightning and thunder followed her comment but she ignored them. "I clearly remember we deciding that the best penance for you would be something cruel and uncomfortable like rubbing oil on his back for the rest of your life or something."

"That was you?" I opened my eyes and raised my head to stare at her in shock. She didn't even flinch. I gave it a second thought. "I don't know _why_ I'm shocked; it has you written all over it." I rested my head on the grass again.

"Yeah, but I never asked him for you to keep you memories. I honestly thought forgetting, at least the madness part, would be for the best. That's, you know, too cruel. Even for me."

"Yeah, it's _Greek god cruel_." I sighed. "But don't get all worked up over this, I'm actually glad I get to remember. Makes me feel less guilty when I think about how I'm facing things. Besides, not _all_ memories are bad." I smirked and Clarisse got a little jumpy.

"Your dog hated me." I said and she relaxed a little.

"It's not Agrius' fault, if you think about it. I mean, all dogs hate thieves and the mailman and, well, you're sorta both."

"Still, you could have possibly avoided him from entering the bedroom a few times and chewing on my arm, couldn't you?"

"He grew attached, I think." She shrugged like it was no big deal. Let me tell you something about Agrius – conveniently named after a man eating giant who was part bear – he was a 210lbs English mastiff with teeth as big as my thumb. The only thing he was attached to was my limbs.

"You didn't like me much either, did you?" At first she assumed I was talking about letting the dog in but then she dodged her eyes from my face and I decided to change the subject. "It's ok, though, 'cause now I know you wear a YALE sweater at home."

"It's my mom's."

"Your mom has a degree?"

"She has a PhD."

"I don't remember a lot about your mum but I'm pretty sure she didn't strike me as the Ivy League type." Clarisse looked nervous again:

"Let's not open that door."

"O…k?"

Then, she stood up at once:

"Hadn't we agreed we were done talking?" I knew she'd get tired eventually; I was already testing her limits anyway. Without questioning her, I stood up, cleaned the grass from my armor and grabbed my sword.

"I bet you're just afraid I'll remember something cute and sweet you did."

I could only see her back but I could swear her whole body froze for a whole ten seconds before she turned to face me and said:

"Why, did I _do_ something sweet and adorable?" If you paid real attention, you'd see her smile was flickering a little bit and she was just acting cool. I was quiet for a while, savoring the moment, and, then, I shrugged:

"Not one." Her shoulders immediately relaxed.

"Thought so."

Obviously, I was lying. I personally thought having a dog and wearing university sweaters around the house was pretty cute – well, it's pretty much all the cuteness you could get from Clarisse – but I felt it wasn't my place to tell her that. Things were already awkward enough as they were. Besides, I'd never tell her, but I could remember all the crying and begging too. The trying to feed me, the falling asleep next to me – these things I'd never tell her I remembered. And it wasn't even because it'd be awkward, no. It was because I was so thankful and I had so much respect for her, I couldn't bring myself to mention it.

We didn't say anything for a while and it was starting to get weird, when she seemed to remember we were supposed to be sparring.

"Look, let me just say something before I get to kick your ass." She was picking at something on the grass with the tip of her spear, so she wasn't really looking me in the eye when she spoke. "Why don't we just stop whining about things that happened and how things are now? You are the one who likes to say "if you ignore a problem for long enough, they go away thinking you haven't seen them", right?"

"Clarissa, I don't think this is the type of thing I can just ignore."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't mean – you know – camp or what you did or anything. I mean us. Like, what we were and what we are now. Let's just relax about that." I raised my eyebrow at her. "I know, I never thought I'd tell someone to relax about something but, you see, if there isn't a clear solution, then it's pointless . We can't attack the matter strategically and we can't face it straight on, right? So, let's just – not act like it never happened – just, you know, accept it, embrace it, deal with it. Act normal around each other 'till it really feels normal. We don't need to talk about it or anything. Let's just…"

I wasn't believing my ears and I bet you ten drachma she wasn't either.

"Go on, Clarissa, finish that sentence." I was already avoiding a chuckle. I knew it'd kill her to say it.

"Let's just be friends from now on."

"HA! YOU SAID WE ARE FRIENDS!" I yelled and pointed like a six year old bully but she laughed too, even though she was glaring at me.

"Whatever! Grab your sword, I promise I'll try to kill you for real now." And then she smiled that smile I had just found out about and, before I knew it, I was crushing her into a hug, spear and everything.

"_What are you doing_?" Her voice was muffled and sounded really funny from the shock. Normally, I'm not really into hugging people but I kind of didn't really think things through. "I said we were friends, I didn't say you could touch me."

Clarisse smelled a bit of plums – probably something Silena bought her, since the camp toiletries are not that elaborate and, the funniest thing was that she was so much smaller than me. I mean, clearly she wasn't short, we were about the same height except for, maybe, a few inches but she was _smaller_. I was so busy picturing her as a sanguinary monster that I sometimes forgot she was, you know_, a girl_.

"_You have two seconds before I use my free hand to throttle you._" Ok, part girl, part sanguinary monster. She didn't even wait for the two seconds, she just punched her way out of the hug.

"Alright, I get it." I rubbed my jaw. "I'll act normal. I'm sorry."

"Never mind." She shrugged, while staring at her shoes. "Just don't do that again."

"You called me a friend!" I said one more time, just for the fun of it.

"Don't do that either!" She slapped her forehead.

Then, two things happened:

First, my stomach did this thing that felt like it had just been punched by an icy hand but it still _felt good. _

And second, while I was still trying to figure number one out, someone shot an arrow at Clarisse and she fell hurt on the ground, unconscious.

* * *

"WHAT-THE-HADES!?" And by "Hades" I actually mean a pretty ugly word.

I ran to check if Clarisse was ok and, from behind me, a voice said:

"Ha! I bet you didn't believe me when I said I'd save your life someday, yet here I am." Oh, I should've known saving his life would come back to bite me later. Memphis' blond hair shone golden under the pink sunset as he offered a hand to help me up. "That punch looked like it hurt, sorry I just got here. Beckendorf told me your mission was top secret and refused to let me go looking for you but I came anyway." He smiled at me. "'Cause we are friends."

I seriously need to quit this friendship thing.

"Memphis, what did you do to her?" I asked but tried to not sound too harsh because a) he _was_ just trying to help b) that punch really _did_ hurt a lot and, also, c)he being there made my stomach go back to normal and that was comforting.

"What you mean "what I did"?" He sounded offended. "I bought you time! Don't worry about her health, it's a harmless arrow, it's only slightly poisonous."

I smiled:

"Oh, that's _refreshing_, I'm glad it's just poison…HOW IS POISON HARMLESS, YOU LUNATIC?"

Memphis rolled his eyes:

"Will you chill out, please? It's not a deadly poison or anything; it's more like a tranquilizer! It's supposed to keep her out of our hair for a few minutes. She's just sleeping heavily." Well, in Clarisse's case, that's "regular sleeping".

I rolled Clarisse's body, using my hand to keep her head supported, and took a good look at the arrow. When I looked up at Memphis again, I spoke with urgency in my voice:

"How much time do you think this gave us?" He smirked:

"I hit her under the ribcage, it should be about eight to fifteen minutes before she wakes up."

"Hm." I considered. " Let's split up, then; we'll need some elaborated evasion techniques or else she'll get us while we are still on the woods and it won't be pretty. She'll know it was the work of a child of Apollo as soon as she sees the arrow and it's not like Beckendorf has done anything to help our cases so she'll be crazy angry."

"She's always crazy angry."

"Yeah, but, believe me, you haven't really seen the worst of it." I sighed, looking down at her body. "You should go first, you'll need advantage."

"What about you?" He sounded genuinely concerned as if less than a week ago he hadn't been more than willing to hand my head on a plate to Beckendorf.

"I'm faster, I'm good at hiding, I'll be fine. You should go, time is running out."

"What about the flag? I thought she'd be guarding it."

"She was a decoy, I'm afraid. The flag must be somewhere else."

"I see."

"Go, Memphis, I'll keep guard. Once you're far enough, I'll follow."

"You sure?"

"Yes, man, I owe you too now." And then, for emphasis, I added: "You really saved me today, dude, you are a good friend, Memphis."

Weirdly enough, for a second there it looked like he could just burst out in tears and I panicked but all he did was smile and nod his head before disappearing among the tall threes.

The poor, naïve bastard.

Once his footsteps were far enough I couldn't hear them – and have in mind that I have some seriously good hearing – I looked down at Clarisse again:

"You can open your eyes now, Meryl, I know you're acting."

She opened them immediately:

"Ugh, you noticed it, then?" She sat down and pulled the arrow from the leather strip on the side of her armor, where it had actually landed. "Poisonous arrows!" She studied it. "The kind of things Apollo cabin has to come up with so they can look like they can actually put up a fight." She looked at me. "Who's your new friend?"

"None of your business." I cut her off and then smirked. "Why pretend the arrow had hit you?"

"Uh, I…" She swallowed saliva nervously and then regained composure. "I figured it'd be quicker to just let him go and get caught on one of Demeter's traps."

"No, you didn't." I chuckled. "That was a nice try but I noticed you tripping on your own legs! You're just trying to cover it up!"

"SWEATPANTS MAKE DODGING ARROWS REALLY HARD!"

I laughed at her. I had seen it in slow motion; she dodged the arrow easily enough but, because she wasn't used to fighting in her pajamas, she kicked her own leg in the process of moving in the air and fell – head first – on the ground.

"I can't believe how far you'd go to keep your reputation."

"You're one to talk." She said rubbing her eyes. "Besides, it wasn't all reputation. " She exhaled. "I actually fell down on a rock and my helmet started resonating really loudly in my ears. I got disoriented and actually _did_ pass out for a couple of seconds."

I found the rock near us.

"Woah, that's a pretty big rock there. You sure you are alright?"

She scowled and stood up with a swift movement; using her legs to pull her up in a jump and fell on her feet, like a cat.

"Oh, for crying out loud, of course I am _fine_! It takes more than a little pebble to get to me." She gave an arrogant smile that would probably be way more convincing if it hadn't been conveniently followed by a huge streak of blood running down her face from somewhere over her left eye and the way to her chin.

"Clarisse, uh…"

"Say, Chris..." she was still smiling but her eyes were lost. "this ringing noise, do you hear it too?"

And then she passed out for real.

* * *

Unbelievable! This girl can defeat a whole gang of demigod eating Cyclopes but throw her a pebble and some sweatpants and – bam; she's unconscious and bleeding. Curse her ADD.

I laid Clarisse on the grass and took her helmet off; her bandana had a huge blood blotch so I took that off too and used the clean part to wipe her face. Then, to get a better look, I took my own helmet as well, got my first aid kit and did what I could. Luckily, it wasn't as bad as it looked; just a small – yet deep – cut over her eyebrow. No concussion, the fainting was probably just a result from standing up too fast to show off.

Karma, clearly.

In an act that, admittedly, wasn't my cleverest ever, I tried slapping her face gently to wake her up. She woke up, alright; with a hook punch straight to my jaw.

She looked a little lost, likely still a little tipsy from her own injuries. She checked everywhere trying to remember where she was 'till she saw me lying on the ground, my hand on my mouth, trying to wipe the blood.

"Oh, I punched you?" She didn't seem very surprised. "I do that, I guess it's a reflex."

"It's ok. I brought this on myself" I said, trying to sit again. I found her eyes staring at me (or in the general area of my position). "What?"

"How do you do it?"

"Do…what?" I was starting to worry she had had brain damage. Gods know we already have enough to handle with a healthy Clarisse.

"Your hair. How does it stay up even after you wore a helmet for so long?"

"Oh, that!" I answered coyly. "There's this girl from Hecate in cabin 11 and I kinda of asked her if…Ouch!" She slapped me. "What was _that_ for?" She grabbed my helmet from the ground and stared at it.

"What did you do to my face?"

"YOU FELL ON A FREAKING ROCK!"

"I know I fell on a rock!" She tried to scowl but couldn't because of the pain, I guess. "I mean_ this_!" She pointed to her forehead.

"What?"

"This!" She pointed again, this time to her reflex on my helmet.

"_The band-aid? You slapped me over a band-aid?"_

"You know damn well I can't go out like this! It's too humiliating!" I rolled my eyes. "Why didn't you just give me some ambrosia or nectar or anything like that?"

I glared at her.

"Well, for one thing, this is a small cut AND THAT THING COULD BLOW YOU UP, you weirdo!" Then I relaxed. "Besides," I sighed. "That band-aid is special."

She stared at me.

"Special as in…used?" She made a disgusted face.

"_No!_" I yelled. "Special as in I got it for you."

"You got me a band-aid?" She raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure if I'm offended because it's a sucky gift or because you were walking around with it expecting me to get hurt."

"Will you shut up? You're making me wish I had used a glittery Hello Kitty one and taken pictures." She just froze in absolute shock. "I didn't take pictures."

"You better not." She buffed. "You were saying?"

"Well, back in the Andromeda, I was left taking care of storage for a while, 'till they realized letting Hermes' children there wasn't exactly a good idea. Which is totally prejudiced, if you think about it."

"Did you steal this band-aid?"

"It's prejudiced, _regardless_!" I said raising my hands. "Anyway, I had to check whatever stuff we got, whether it was new monsters or just regular stuff. This one time, we managed to infiltrate and steal some stuff from Circe's spa and, among these things, there were all this useless magical makeup crap going on. Apparently, it was some special cosmetic line Hecate released. It was themed "Women of Olympus" or something girly like that and it was a bunch of crap."

"I'm bored already and I still want to take this thing off." I made a face and she replied with another.

"But, because I was taking care of storage, I found this magical healing kit named after Penthesilea and I guess they couldn't find any makeup product to match with an Amazonian queen, right? So they made this one magical band-aid. I've checked, it's the only one produced, a real collectible. The box says it can be used forever if you wash it carefully and keep it a dry place. I remembered she was your favorite half-sister, right? And then I stole it." I grabbed my helmet and she lifted her bangs to see it. "See? It has an old drawing of her and it's actually pretty badass. I mean, it will heal you completely in a couple of hours so you don't exactly have to worry about it."

She turned around slowly and faced me.

"Are you going to punch me again?"

"No." It was all she said for a while, and then she just stared at her reflex.

"Hm, it's really no big deal, you know? It only works on small cuts and stuff." I was starting to feel nervous and I didn't know why.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You were in the Andromeda, right?"

"Right."

"Fighting with the Titans and stuff."

"Yes."

"So you grabbed this band-aid."

"Yes."

"Something that could help you all in battle."

"Ugh." Was she about to argue with me over war strategy?

"And you kept it with you?"

"Ok, we get it, I steal, that's bad. Yadda, yadda."

"You kept with you even through the freaking Labyrinth." She kept talking. "And the desert."

"I guess I just forgot it in my pocket."

"You went insane and you got back and you still have it."

"Yes, why?"

"What would you do if when we saw each other again, we were fighting on different sides, Chris?"

Oh, that.

"Make you jealous I had it?" I tried but she just glared at me. "I don't know, Clarisse, I probably just assumed I wouldn't be able to fight against you. I mean, you would probably kick my ass anyway but I wouldn't. I joined the Titans because I trusted Luke, I did it because of my friends in cabin 11, it never occurred to me that, by picking their side, I was going against yours."

"You are pretty dense." She proclaimed matter-of-factly.

"I know. Do you want to take the band-aid off though?"

"Nah." She smiled at her reflection and then at me. "I guess I could keep it. I mean, this thing came out from the Labyrinth better than the two of us, it must be strong."

I could feel my stomach about to do that uncomfortable thing again but, luckily, Silena's voice interrupted us:

"CLARISSE, CLARISSE, CLARISSE!" She was running towards us like an armored cupcake but stopped suddenly as she saw us sitting together on the ground, helmets off. And pointed her fingers from one to the other. "_What's going on here? There's something new here._"

Clarisse stood up.

"You were yelling my name. Did we win?"

"WHO CARES IF WE WON? CHARLIE ASKED ME OUT!" Silena is just as ADHD as the rest of us, I often forget about that. She was jumping up and down like a maniac and shrieking like a banshee or, because she was a daughter of Aphrodite and still managed to look attractive, like a Disney princess. If Disney princesses ever shrieked, I don't know.

"I care if we won."

"Yeah, yeah, we won, whatever. NOW LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT CHARLIE! IT WAS SO PRETTY AND ROMANTIC AND, LIKE, OK – THERE WAS THIS ONE PART WHEN E THOUGHT HE'D DIE AND GET EATEN BUT THEN HE ASKED ME OUT AND IT WAS GREAT! ALSO, THERE WAS A DRAGON AND…"

Clarisse turned around and managed a sour look in my direction:

"Kill me."

"You keep asking that, I keep ignoring. But we are friends now, friends don't kill each other."

"I'm not sure about that." She said staring at Silena again. "Beauregard, snap out of it and tell me if you are sure we won!"

"Yeah, yeah. We got it, games are over."

"Oh, wonderful." Clarisse said starting to lose the straps of her armor and then pulling out the freaking flag from inside it.

"THAT WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME?"

"No, I just made it happen by magic." She rolled her eyes. "Of course it was; I kinda thought you'd see it when you checked for the arrow but you are that blind." She shrugged.

"But that's against the rules!"

"Is it? Is it really? I never told you it wasn't with me and, as far as I remember, insulting the other team's flag isn't against the rules either, so – let's just call this a grey area."

We exchanged angry glares.

"WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE IGNORING ME? DIDN'T I JUST SAY CHARLIE AND I ARE FINALLY TOGETHER? BE EXCITED, CLARISSE!"

"Not in this lifetime, princess." Clarisse rolled her eyes but Silena cut her off with her hands on her hips, looking angry.

"Oh really? Have we forgotten about that little thing I have that is "oh-so-special" for you?" I had forgotten Clarisse was being blackmailed. And that it was my fault. Oops. "I want a hug and girly jumps! I WANT A JUMPING HUG NOW! I'M THAT HAPPY!"

I chuckled:

"C'mon, Silena, not in a billion years. I mean, I don't care what you have on Clarisse, it's not worth her… OH MY GODS, WHAT DOES SHE HAVE ON YOU, CLARISSE?"

With a huge scowl that didn't leave her face for a second, Clarisse managed to hug Silena, jump three times up and down like a sorority girl and even say a half-heartedly "yay".

"That felt great!" Silena said hugging her once it was over. "You're my best friend ever! Let's discuss what I'm going to wear for the fireworks!" She started pulling Clarisse by her wrist and they left me alone and absolutely in shock.

What the Hades had just happened? And, once again, I don't really mean "Hades".

* * *

I was lying on the grass, five minutes later, still dealing with how weird today had been when Clarisse came back with a victory crown on her head and said:

"You wanna go ruin other people's fireworks with me like we used to do every year?"

I smiled.

"Well, you kinda almost killed my date with your spear so, why not?"

"Great." And then she left.

Easy like that. Except not really.

* * *

**A/N: **Don't forget to leave a review. Typing and writing is really hard and stressful and good reviews (unlike, you know, yells of "UPDATE!") are the only payment I get. And it's the one thing that keeps me coming back. Next chapter, like I said, won't be focused on funny a lot but I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy it. X)

Also, I've been relapsing on my review replies and there were some pretty big ones, I'm sorry about that, life's been pretty crazy.

Love,

Thatu/Clichesbullet


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